flyingrodent

(Three men rush into a room. SIR DAVE slams the door behind him. CRAIG and CHARLIE try to catch their breath, panting) SIR DAVE: Right youse, not a sound. We don't want the People finding out where we are and ripping us limb from limb... Craig, have a look out of that window and see if you can see any Bears. (CRAIG peeks through the curtains) CRAIG: I think we're safe, for now. CHARLIE: Why? What are the People doing? Are they sharpening axes and lighting torches and marching on us, crazed with desire for vengeance? CRAIG: No. SIR DAVE: Are they assembling a Fighting Fund to seize our assets by law, as revenge for destroying their beloved Rangers? CRAIG: No. CHARLIE and SIR DAVE: Well, what are they doing? CRAIG: They're singing songs about child abuse because they think that will get it right up every cretin who wanted their club dead. (Stunned silence) (SIR DAVE, CRAIG and CHARLIE burst into hysterical laughter, tears streaming from their faces, pounding the floor. SIR DAVE gasps for breath. CHARLIE pishes himself) CRAIG: Ha ha ha ha ha, oh my God, oh my God. SIR DAVE: Ha ha ha ha ha, the Record told the Bears that Craig had wealth off the radar! (Fresh fits of hysteria) CHARLIE: Ha ha ha ha ha, I said they'd win the Champions League by 2020! (Gales of laughter. After twenty minutes, they stop and sober up a little) CHARLIE: Ha ha ha ha ha, oh, ho ho, hee hee... So, what are we going to do now? SIR DAVE: I don't know about you pair, but I'm going to spend all the money I stole off the People on cocaine, expensive booze and hoors before somebody with half a brain decides to take it off me.... Although obviously, no Rangers supporter is going to make any such effort. CHARLIE and CRAIG: Hear, hear!

I think it's totally awesome that you're all so absolutely desperate to "get it right up.... every cretin who wanted (your) club dead". This will certainly be music to the ears of the men who actually made your club dead, since they plainly have nothing whatsoever to fear from you. Yup, getting it right up all those Plastic Paddies and their sympathisers is definitely the way to go. A few rounds of Follow Follow will certainly prove us. Hope you're in good health, BTW.

Fair enough, good cause too, although I'll just go straight to Erskine directly if you don't mind. Not that I don't trust the Rangers aspect of the appeal, but I'm sure you'd understand if I preferred to donate to the organ grinder, in this case.

Looks like Green was going to sack McCoist Quote If Rangers win the SPL or the Scottish Cup by the end of 2020, I'll issue a grovelling, personalised apology to each and every Ted on P&B that requests one. On a scale of probability, I'd say that Hibs winning the Scottish Cup or Not-Celtic winning the league are considerably more likely, largely because most Not-Celtic teams aren't absolute financial and sporting train wrecks in the way that Rangers currently are.

Deservedly so, by the sounds of things. As I said on the Motherwell v Celtic match thread, this was always going to happen after Lennon started beeling about nominations for player of the year. Hope he feels like a right tit, because he's certainly made himself look like one.

I wouldn't say I'm "delighted", but I definitely approve.

There was a positive story about Rangers?

This is ludicrous. Anyone who's seen Rangers play this season knows that any full-time team in Scotland has a chance of beating Rangers, and a lot of the part-time teams are in with a shout. The current Celtic team would beat Rangers like a redheaded stepchild in ten out of ten games, and the proposed warchest wouldn't dent Celtic's utter and obvious superiority. Hell, County would beast you easily, let alone Celtic. Dundee United walked all over you like you were nothing, and Caley shat on you at your own stadium. Queen of the South took you to extra time and beat you. This isn't sheer triumphalism on my part - it's just a fact. Your team is shite. It's going to be shite for at least the next ten years, so you'd be better getting used to it now, to save yourself pain further down the road.

Sorry Tedi, I must have missed some of your posts. Which shambles are these, then? Edit: If it's the shambles where I noted that a court said that "(David) King has no respect for the truth and does not hesitate to lie ... if he thinks it will be to his advantage... He is a mendacious witness whose evidence should not be accepted on any issue unless it is supported by objective evidence... In our assessment he is a glib and shameless liar." Well, that's still true. He may have won his case, yet the court's opinion on his evidence still stands, until the court retracts it. Until the judges apologise and retract, Dave King is still a "glib and shameless liar", by law. So what were you on about?

Vastly more interested in bleating about Diddies, Plastic Paddies and bloggers than the neverending string of shysters, crooks and conmen fleecing his club. Diagnosis: Permarage.

I must be going soft in the head - only just noticed that you're pretending I'm "ignoring a court's verdict and also ignoring the fact the man was cleared". Well, no. I'm saying that a court said this about him, in a judgement: "mendacious ... no respect for the truth... does not hesitate to lie... a glib and shameless liar". The court did say that; it's still in the judgement and there has been no retraction, regardless of the status of his case. He'll remain the man who a panel of judges called a "shameless liar" right up until the court apologises and withdraws its comments. And let's note that just this week, judges apologised profusely for calling some expert witnesses "quacks", despite having heard reams of evidence about the witnesses paddling in circles round a pond, while old ladies fed them handfuls of bread crusts. No apology for Dave, though. I wonder why?

Geezer, it's your club. I wouldn't let this blatantly obvious huckster within fifty light years of mine, but if you're easy with him shoving his big hooter into your season ticket money, that's up to you. It's just odd that Some Guy With a Blog arouses more passion and forensic detection amongst you and your fellow fans than your own directors do, no matter how blatantly unsuitable they are for the job.

I guess the court must have been wrong about him being a glib and shameless liar, then. I mean, you really have to go some before a court will openly call you a liar - witness, Craig Whyte - but I suppose this must now be irrelevant. Nothing to see here, folks. Mr King is a fine, upstanding citizen whose past behaviour has been in no way suspect. Why, I'm sure all of us would welcome him investing in our own football clubs. Why, I might even let him marry my sister and administer my pension fund.

Are we talking about the same Dave "glib and shameless liar" King that I'm thinking of? Edit: The court said "King has no respect for the truth and does not hesitate to lie ... if he thinks it will be to his advantage... He is a mendacious witness whose evidence should not be accepted on any issue unless it is supported by objective evidence... In our assessment he is a glib and shameless liar." You have to admit, he has the credentials for the job.

I suggest that things like this - a lazer-like focus on the iniquities of Some Guy WIth a Blog, while successive Rangers owners have ripped the foundations out of the club - may be part of the reason why Charlie Green is tanning his crinkly hide on a beach somewhere, sipping a Boddingtons with a wee umbrella in it and fanning his fevered brow with a gigantic wad of Rangers fans' money... Leaving Rangers as an even bigger laughing stock than the sizeable one they were when Charlie arrived. I expect this Attention Deficit Disorder to continue when the next mob of crooks buy into Rangers and start filling their pockets with season book cash. Starting to suspect that a pack of stripey-jumpered burglars could break into Ibrox, melt down the contents of the trophy cabinet and sell it for smack live on Rangers TV, and these threads would still be full of complaints about unreliable bloggers, Diddies and Plastic Paddies.

This is the bit where the revolution Animal Farm the Journey eats itself, wreckers and saboteurs being discovered amongst even the most loyal. Nobody is free from suspicion, and everyone is suspected as a secret sympathiser with King Louis Trotsky Snowball the pig Imran Ahmad. Things are going to get ugly, and the guillotines will be working through the night from now on, I suspect.

My, my, the Rangers fans show up and suddenly the topic shifts from the ongoing lunacy at Ibrox - glaring example, the Who Owns The Club? debate - to an angry fight about correct spelling. What an amazing coincidence! Makes me wonder whether nobody could be arsed to ask any serious questions of Craig Whyte back in the pre-extinction days because they were all too busy squabbling over the difference between "infer" and "imply", or something like that.

The Worthington thing doesn't necessarily demonstrate anything, except that Rangers (the company) is basically a big bag of ravenous weasels frantically clawing each other to death... But then, so is ninety percent of Rangers-related news, these days. Have to say though, I can't say I'm exactly shiteing my pants that they're going to be storming back to the top of the game any time soon. An article in today's Herald makes it sound like there's a simmering civil war in the boardroom between the nutters who think Rangers can spend, spend, spend because they're The People, and those board members who think balancing the books is good business sense. Either way, it's surely going to be a major achievement if this motley crew of shysters, dreamers, schemers and reputed gangsters can keep the club solvent over the next decade, never mind win one of the big three trophies on the park.

Henry Hill: Now, the guy's got Paulie as a partner. Any problems, he goes to Paulie. Trouble with the bill? He can go to Paulie. Trouble with the cops, deliveries, Tommy, he can call Paulie... But now the guy's got to come up with Paulie's money every week. No matter what. Business bad? f**k you, pay me. Oh, you had a fire? f**k you, pay me. The place got hit by lightning, huh? f**k you, pay me. Also, Paulie could do anything. Especially run up bills on the joint's credit. And why not? Nobody's gonna pay for it anyway... And as soon as the deliveries are made in the front door, you move the stuff out the back and sell it at a discount. You take a two hundred dollar case of booze and you sell it for a hundred. It doesn't matter. It's all profit... And then finally, when there's nothing left, when you can't borrow another buck from the bank or buy another case of booze, you bust the joint out. You light a match.

Well, he'd better have some genius business patter and a sound PR strategy. As we've seen, the Rangers fans are notoriously difficult to win over and can smell a conman at a hundred paces. They're far too savvy to fall for some half-baked snake oil salesman pulling on a Rangers shirt and promising the moon and the stars - Oh no, wait. I must be thinking about something else, because Charlie did exactly that. Which is why he's now off to spend so much of their money on whatever it is middle-aged hucksters spend cash on. Cue "Peaches" by the Stranglers, pictures of a lobsterised Ray Winstone sucking down beers next to his pool. I bet Charlie enjoys his holiday this year.

Aha, apologies. Forget the fraudster stuff, folks.

And Chuckie walks out the door with a bonanza payday. I can't say that I begrudged wee Fergus his big payoff - he left us with a modern stadium, a sound business model, a competitive team and a bright future, so he deserved the cash. Charlie Green, maybe not so much. I'd be stunned if he walks out of the door with less than a million quid of Rangers fans' money in his pocket, and it looks a lot like the only things he did to earn it were lying to the board, lying to the supporters, putting on an orange top and making weird remarks about Rangers' victimhood. Ach well, it's their club. If they want to run it like a circus, that's their business.

Convicted VAT fraudster to buy Green's shares. Another world record of some kind, I imagine.

They're fiercely relevant and topical as ever, I see. Some day, these muppets (and many of ours) are going to have wake up and spot that the war in Northern Ireland ended fifteen years ago, that there is no IRA to either support or condemn, and that people who insist on arsing on about it all at great length are worse than morons - they're boring morons.

I don't get it.