Shotgun

That reminds me of a video I once accidentally ordered in a hotel room.

I grew up in a household where salt and pepper were considered exotic spices. My Dad was one of these people who thought "foreign food" meant a full English breakfast and got indigestion at the slightest suggestion of flavour. I don't think I tasted garlic until I was in my late teens and learned from a cookbook that it was OK for cooked vegetables to crunch. Then one day, out of the blue, my sister was given free reign over the kitchen and told to make a meal for the family. She followed a curry recipe a schoolfriend had given her and added a few extra bits and pieces "to brighten it up a bit". 5 of us in a house with one toilet. What a long weekend that was. I have a strong suspicion the song "Ring of Fire" was written after a similar experience. Nevertheless, I was hooked and when I'm on death-row and offered my choice of a last meal, it will be "the hottest, most violent, chernobyl-strength vindaloo you can create." Hell, it's not as if I'll be cleaning it up.

The first "real" football game I saw was at Brockville and I too, was about 9. I have no idea who Falkirk were playing that day but they got their heads kicked in and the crowd weren't happy about it. My vocabulary increased considerably that day. Although it was 40+ years ago, I can still recall the smell of pee. Happy days.

This. Those are 2 separate offences but committing them together is ballbaggery of the first water.

How would she know the answer?

Then the last one could just walk to safety. I remember years ago there was a case of some numb-nuts walking his dog along Blackpool prom during a storm. The dog got washed out to sea, then the guy got caught when he tried to rescue it. A policewoman got swept out trying to rescue him and a policeman drowned trying to save her. I don't know why the dog swallowed a fly.

Not too far from where I live, there's a small lake which at this time of year is popular with ice fishermen. You'll drive past and see them sitting on little stools with tiny fishing rods over a hole in the ice. Can't see the appeal myself but hey ho. Anyway, even though the lake is frozen, temperatures have been unseasonably warm and while I'm no expert, the ice really didn't look strong enough for people to be walking on, sitting on or cutting holes in. That doesn't seem to have stopped them from doing it though. So yesterday, 2 of them fell through the ice and were only rescued by the heroic actions of passers by. Emergency responders typically caution rescuers not to go out onto ice in a rescue attempt, as a way to avoid additional people falling through the ice and personally, I'm not sure I would have risked my life to save the dumb fuckers. The air temperature was 18 degree C yesterday.

I have a co-worker who has just adopted 2 hairless cats. Not cats whose hair has fallen out but an actual breed of cat without hair. And she keeps posting pictures of them. It's giving me the screaming heebie-jeebies.

It took me 4 attempts to spell every word in my last (11 word) post correctly. I wish I was making that up. I shall now await somebody pointing out there's still spelling mistakes in it.

I believe they prefer to be called Little Person Gems now.

I just coughed pale ale up my nose, thankyouverymuch.

Mustard on one slice of bread, tomato sauce on the other. Bit of tabasco, if that's your thing. You're welcome.

Remind me what that is?

Just had my first fried egg sandwich in for-ages. Why did I forget how good they are?

Were you wearing them on the outside of your troosers? Not sure anyone, even Mrs Shotgun has seen my undercrackers today so they may well be inside out and nobody would have told me. I'm not judging your lifestyle, you understand. (Note the correct use of 'would have')

I laffed harder than I should've done at that.

During the build up to the Crimean War, Cumbria County Council briefly considered outlawing eggs.

Took me a measurable beat...

Edinburgh castle was originally located in Cumbernauld.

...and his girlfriend who asked not to be named. Aye, because there's no way anyone will be able to figure out who she is.

WTF did I just watch?

"Four years ago today, my dad lost his battle with lung cancer. I still miss him dearly. I'll have more to say in an upcoming post." 5 photographs of his ex-Dad so far, and I suspect there's a lot more to come. Look, most of us have been touched by bereavement, or will be. Everyone handles it in different ways. But self-indulgent pish like this? Bleh. LOOK AT ME GRIEVING! I'M GRIEVING! CAN EVERYBODY SEE ME GRIEVING? GRIEVING GOING ON OVER HERE!

Haysyoos Crispie; is that shit still doing the rounds? I first saw it around about the time Bill Gates was going to give $10,000 to everyone who forwarded an email.

Was her last name Mockingbird?