Stephen Malkmus

A False 9 Shane Sutherland is the tactical masterstroke this league deserves

We will have a first choice centre back, first choice centre mid and first choice striker missing as a minimum, so no. On the other hand, we have some new signings who will hopefully immediately dislodge passengers like Walsh and Duku so we might be slightly improved in an attacking sense. But we could also somehow be worse there too.

Ridgers Duffy Broadfoot Deas Carson Welsh McAlear Harper Samuels Sutherland Pearson @BillyDodds

Big Jake Mulraney vibes from the "Playing Style" section on his wiki page. Hopefully at least one of the three forwards turns out to be a baller

Think something like this could work but the Welsh-Broadfoot-McAlear triangle isn't the quickest. Ridgers Duffy Broadfoot Deas Carson Welsh McAlear Harper Walsh Mckay Pearson

BURNS: Smithers, are they saying "Joe Hardy scored 40 goals for Brentford B?" SMITHERS: "Oh, they're not saying that Sir, they're saying he scored 40 goals for the Brentford Bees! The Brentford Bees!" etc.

This signing has given me a Joe Hardy

Congrats on the "Rangers were in the league at the time" trophy

Finished third in recent years, employed Kirk Broadfoot, got put out of Europe in dull fashion... we're really not that different after all. We did win the Scottish Cup in our good season though.

Which is still not as embarrassing as when £ilmarnock fans go on about the Steve Clarke glory years, during which you won f**k all

If £ilmarnock don't win the league this year it'll be embarrassing tbf

Even if we don't win, hopefully Scott Kellacher gets his revenge for that time Liam Polworth battered him

Billy Mckay's one of the best strikers in the league and should be getting more goals than he is - the quality of service and off the ball running from others to create space is so poor that he's lucky to get one clear cut chance per game. I thought Pearson looked pretty lively on Sat despite not being on the pitch for long so hopefully he can help on that front once Mckay is back.

There's a bit of a slovenly air about our coaching staff which I'm not sure the players can respect. But then again Dick Campbell's not exactly Mr Universe so maybe that doesn't matter

Sandy's got you lot on strings

Going for our patented useless last 10 minutes strategy of humping the ball long and Broadfoot going on mad runs up the park I see

Disaster but deserved as we've done nothing this half. Terrence and Philip on comms are doing my nut in

Ooh baby do you know what that's worth, when Shane's first goalscorer bet comes in

Not arsed

Sam Pearson is going to drop a masterclass tomorrow, it's really important that we're back to our two ginger optimum after Allardice got injured

The shopping centre ending in "-gate" derby

I once saw Coll Donaldson at Tesco Extra in Inverness when he played for us. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a dick and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly. Needless to say, I hope he embarrasses himself on Saturday.

Pretty concerning that we haven't signed anyone yet. I thought this was the reason for moving Robertson upstairs? Probably spending too much time signing copies of his book for Hearts fans