MSU

026 — X. Six friends go off to make a porno, renting out the guesthouse of an isolated Texan farmhouse that’s home to a strange elderly couple who overreact somewhat when they discover what’s going on. A pretty decent slasher that borrows quite a bit from Texas Chainsaw Massacre but is let down by a lack of invention in the second half and a really bizarre choice of casting for the old woman. 5/10

025 — Umma. Korean woman was abused by her mother and worries that she’ll pass on the generational trauma to her own daughter. Pretty dreadful supposed horror movie that threatens to do the occasional interesting thing but then bottles it. The soundtrack is convinced it’s terrifying. It isn’t. The biggest shock is that Sam Raimi produced it. Sandra Oh, Fivel Stewart, and the bloke who played Gavin in Friends deserve better. 2/10

Think I would've been more disappointed in this five years ago. Still, Kermode and Mayo were pretty much my gateway into podcasts (along with Armstrong and Miller's Timeghost). Maybe the shift to the independent format will restore it back to being predominantly about film and not the cult of the show.

Went to see the five short films nominated for the Oscars. A depressing, somewhat overly worthy bunch. 019 -- On My Mind. Danish movie about a man wanting to sing a song on karaoke for the special woman in his life and prevented by a grumpy bar owner. Quite funny in spots before the premise becomes obvious. 6/10 020 -- Please Hold. Kafkaesque piece about a retail worker stopped and arrested by a police drone and dropped into a nightmarish automated jail system. Maybe the most entertaining nominee, even if it did feel like a fictionalized version of a Last Week Tonight segment. 8/10 021 -- The Dress. Polish drama about a housemaid with dwarfism at a dingy motorway hotel looking for love or, at a push, any kind of sexual encounter. Crushingly depressing stuff, although the acting is great. 6/10 022 -- The Long Goodbye. Really strange short with Riz Ahmed. I expected so much more. It's part domestic terrorism, part slam poetry with nothing much of a story that seemed to demand that we get angry about something that isn't happening, like Fox News attempts to get us angry about stuff that isn't happening. 4/10 023 -- Take and Run. Krygyzstan woman goes to the city to study and winds up being kidnapped and forced into an arranged marriage. Fairly bleak again, but I love the landscape of the country where if you're not in the city, you're in the middle of nowhere, with no chance of help, and little chance of escape. Beautifully acted as well and had something of a glimmer of hope in the end. 8/10 And then... 024 -- The Worst Person in the World. I enjoyed this at the time but the more I thought about it, the more I decided that I really loved it. Renate Reinsve is captivating as Julie, a woman who finds it hard to commit to every aspect of her life until she meets comic book writer Aksel and the pair fall in love. It's a bit Harry Met Sally where Harry isn't really asked to contribute too much and there are a few set pieces that will live long in the memory, such as when Julie meets a guy at a party and they decide to see how far they can go without cheating on each other, and a fantasy scene where the world stops. Only minor complaint is really that the timeline is a bit confusing and when it announces at the start that it's a story told in 12 chapters, it's made me a bit impatient to be an hour in and only on Chapter 5. Probably my favourite movie of the year so far. 9/10

018 -- The Batman. Nolan's trilogy will always be the bar for Batman movies for me, but this came close. Robert Pattinson is a pretty great actor when he's not pretending to be a vampire and makes a far better bat. Colin Farrell is utterly unrecognizable even though I knew Colin Farrell is in the movie. Matt Reeves direction is spot on and for a dark movie where most every scene is at night, it's lit beautifully. The story is decent, although maybe some of the Riddler's riddles are kinda simplistic, and the whole thing (and particularly a bit around the two hour mark) reminded me an awful lot of Seven. It doesn't feel like a three hour movie, but that said it definitely doesn't feel like a 90 minute movie. 8/10

Had a spare couple of hours so went to see a screening of the five Oscar nominated animated shorts. First time I've been to a screening like that and I'll definitely try and do so again. It was really interesting to see the diversity of the stories and if one didn't hit the mark, there'd be another one along 15 minutes later. Anyway, the movies were: 013 -- Robin Robin. A wee Christmas tale by Aardman Studios about a robin's egg that's saved from a city dump by a family of scavenging mice who raise the bird as one of their own but who later discover it's not quite as good as being unseen as the rodents. Richard E Grant turns up as a helpful magpie and Gillian Anderson gets more money from her Thatcher (deid) impression as an evil cat. It's probably the most traditional story out of the five, and as beautifully animated as you'd expect, but it seems to do less with double the run time of the other nominees. Still, a few chuckles to be had and younger members of the family will get a kick out of it. 014 -- BoxBallet. A Russian short about the relationship between a heavyweight boxer who's a bit of a punchbag for his opponents and a ballerina who falls victim to a scuzzy producer. It's told in a bit of a disjointed fashion and it feels rushed, so it wasn't the pick of the bunch for me. Most interesting, perhaps, is it's setting at the fall of the Soviet Union which then doesn't really end up amounting to much. The animation is a bit on the nose with how it deals with beauty and the beast. 015 -- Affairs of the Art. Beryl is a fifty-something woman who has found a love of art later in life, despite admitting it's been a constant since her childhood. She reflects on her upbringing with her sister, Beverly, who was always more into earthier pursuits and who found fame as a taxidermist to the stars, and how their lives took very different trajectories. Don't know how well the Welsh accents landed with the Midwestern US audience but I thought it was really funny and the hand-drawn animation was gorgeous as we learn more about the addictive personalities who make up this dysfunctional family. 016 -- Beast. When I saw this was made in Chile, I wondered if the days of the Pinochet regime would play a part and it did. Rightly or wrongly, I associate animation with stories for a younger audience but this is about as far removed from that as possible. It's a very adult, very harrowing story that's made all the more chilling by the protagonist having a ceramic doll's head that is utterly emotionless. This combines with the subject matter of torture and murder to produce an incredibly affecting piece of cinema. Has a bit with a dog that I could've done without seeing. 017 -- The Windshield Wipers. A series of vignettes all based around a central question posed by a middle-aged character in a cafe. What is love? The vignettes cover the spectrum from initial attraction through courtship and sex, all the way to death. What is particularly telling is the modern-day means of finding people comes across as disconnection and disassociated as being alone. The animation style looks and feels like it may have been shot traditionally as live-action and then later processed and rendered to appear as animation. I have no idea how else it could be done because the realism is just absolutely on the mark, but it feels a bit cheaty. And the Oscar goes to ... Beast. (The one I enjoyed most, though, was Affairs of the Art)

012 -- Studio 666. Dave Grohl and the other Foo Fighters turn one of their five minute videos into a 100 minute movie as they head to a spooky mansion to record their difficult 10th album. Baggy in places, particularly in the middle and toward the end, but I thought it was pretty funny and gloriously gory. Borrows an awful lot from Evil Dead, Halloween (John Carpenter wrote the score), The Shining, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Scooby Doo, and that episode of South Park that had Korn in it. Grohl and the band aren't about to win any acting awards but they come across really well, unafraid to poke fun at themselves. Has a hilarious cameo and a brilliant turn by Kerry King out off of off Slayer as an impatient drum tech. 7/10

Titane that came out last year was quite reminiscent of Crash, but it's French where that kind of thing is more or less expected rather than stuck on a Daily Mail list.

Amazing stuff.

010 -- Sundown. Had been really looking forward to this from the trailers. Tim Roth appears to be on a luxurious holiday with his family in Acapulco when a death back home sends the others back, but he fakes losing his passport so has to stay on but moves into a fleapit hotel in a nastier part of town, sits on the beach drinking Dos Equis all day, starts shagging the bird from the bodega, and generally ignores all the calls for him to go home. It guards its cards so tightly to its chest for such a long time that the explanation of what's going on was always going to come as a disappointment, and it did. Remarkably short these days at under 90 minutes and a pretty great central performance from Roth, but a bit of a damp squib at the end. 4/10 011 -- Uncharted. I haven't been arsed with PlayStation games for years, but even I've played Uncharted, so it made me wonder why this was being released now. Turns out it's been in development hell for 15 years, David O Russell was lined up to direct at one point, and Mark Wahlberg was initially supposed to be the lead but got too old and was relegated to supporting actor in favour of Tom Holland (who has also been signed up for five years). It's an adequate movie for a Saturday night with a couple of thrilling sequences, but you've seen it done before and you've seen it done better before. Nothing makes much sense, people constantly run and jump about and try to explain their take on the plot so far, and who'da thunk that 16th century Spanish sailors would be so adept at building enormous traps and puzzle rooms to hide clues to their gold? 5/10

Yeah, this one does its best to inject a bit of interest in the opening but lots of the first 45 minutes is introducing the characters and there's only so much you can do about that.

009 -- The Tinder Swindler. Pretty interesting Catch Me If You Can style documentary of a fake diamond trader who successfully hoodwinks a series of unsuspecting victims to finance his lavish lifestyle. Gets a bit samey after a while, maybe runs a bit too long, but has an entertaining sting in its tail. 8/10

008 -- Death on the Nile. It seemed the 1970s version of this with Peter Ustinov was always on TV on a Sunday afternoon so I knew the story and had a vague idea of whodunnit, although not quite sure of the why or the how. The Kenneth Branagh version is solid and steady enough, but maybe a bit too uniform in pace, a bit lacking in excitement, and has the odd curiosity value of having an incredibly understated performance from Russell Brand. It suffers from the fakery of all the CGI backdrops and the fact that no one seems to be having an awful lot of fun. Still, a decent enough way to spend a couple of hours. 6/10

A week ago, I got a recommended video on YouTube of the scene from S1 where Mike punches the guy in the throat with his own gun before taking the pill guy to meet Nacho. Watched that. Watched the next one that was recommended. And now I've gone back to the start and I'm halfway through S4. What a show.

007 -- Moonfall. Utter shite. And not in a good way. 1/10

You're absolutely right. It was late. I wasn't thinking. I'll redact.

006 -- Parallel Mothers. Penelope Cruz in Pedro Almodóvar's latest effort. The audience realize what its secrets far far earlier than any character in the movie so the events that contrive to push Cruz's Janis, and fellow new mother Ana together are nowhere near as satisfying or interesting as the secondary storyline of confirming the fate of Janis's great-grandfather during the Spanish Civil War. Cruz's performance and some delicious looking plates of food make it just about worth a gander. 5/10

Dyson Sphere Program has a new update out which will probably see me investing another 200 hours into it. Very more-ish interplanetary factory building fun, for fans of Factorio and Satisfactory.

005 -- The Rescue. A National Geographic documentary about the kids football team who got trapped in a flooded cave system in Thailand. A remarkable and emotional story of courage and ingenuity and perseverance, made all the more enjoyable from the heroes being people you'd least expect. I remember this from the time it happened, but I would've sworn it was longer ago than 2018. Even though I sort of knew how it ended, the characters involved are so engaging as they tell their story, it felt brand new. A triumph and at no point does anyone ask what Elon Fucking Musk thinks about matters. Highly recommended. 10/10

I pre-ordered Sea of Tranquility, which isn't something I usually do. It sounds amazing.

Probably my favourite novel of the last ten years. Her other stuff is really good too and well worth checking out.

004 -- The Tragedy of Macbeth. I struggle with Shakespeare quite a lot. Usually by the time I've translated a line of dialog into a language I better understand, I'm already four lines behind, so I never feel all that engaged, but I do feel stupid so it balances out. Joel Coen's adaptation, though, comes pretty close to breaking through my feeble brain. It looks incredible both in set design and cinematography, and Denzel Washington and Frances McDormand, once I get beyond it was Denzel Washington and Frances McDormand, put in brilliant turns. But the has-to-be-seen performance has to go to Kathryn Hunter as the Weird Sisters and Old Man. Hunter’s ability to make her body flow from one impossible posture to another brings an incredible uneasiness to her roles, a sensation that is only heightened by the black and white stock. She becomes an humanesque embodiment of the crows that punctuate the story and is worth the ticket price on her own. 9/10

003 -- Scream. To some degree or another, I've enjoyed all the Scream movies. I even liked 3. And I kinda liked 4. I thought this requel (not exactly reboot, not exactly sequel according to one of the characters) was probably better than both of those. They did a decent enough job of keeping me guessing about the killers, but it's not Knives Out and so the reveal wasn't quite the shock the directors would like. It didn't rely too heavily on jump scares and some of the deaths were surprisingly graphic. But despite it all, the nods to previous movies and the genre in general, the meta conversations, the bits I enjoyed most were with David Arquette and Courtney Cox just being on the screen together. I must be getting old. 7/10

The McBroons!

002 -- The 355. Jessica Chastain, Diane Kruger, Penelope Cruz, and Lupita Nyong'o are the reluctant intelligence agents, forced to team up to chase a McGuffin around the globe that, if in the wrong hands, could start WW3. Despite a pretty solid cast, the story is boring and predictable and takes itself way too seriously. The trailer made this out to be a bit of light-hearted fun and I feel I have a decent complaint to take to the Trailer Ombudsman. No one onscreen seems to be enjoying themselves and it was even boring enough to sedate the group of unruly youths who'd occupied the back row of the cinema into a stupor. 3/10