Aim Here

I don't know what would be the point. Gray is our third-best right-back right now and hasn't looked good at all this season. I mean, he's on a long contract and Naismith is crocked so we might as well keep him around as injury cover, ironic as that seems, but I'd far rather see Naismith or Paul McGinn on the pitch these days. McGinn was the least worst part of our back four last night.

The world where Hearts have managed to win 1 game out of 10 against fellow tail-enders Ross County, Hamilton, St Mirren and St Johnstone this season.

While the post is a severe embarrassment to Motherwell fans everywhere, except the other closet-*** basket cases, this couplet reminded me of one of the more famous sons of Scottish fitba' I feel like yer man missed a trick by not carrying on in the idiom -- You will not be able to stay at home, jambo. You will not be able to plug in, tune in and sit down, You will not be able to watch it on your sofa or on the TV screen at the Athletic Arms Because the relegation will not be televised The relegation will not be brought to you by Sky Sports In 2 legs with commercial interruption The relegation will not show you footage of Daniel Stendel wearing ski googles and climbing a rope ladder to demonstrate the latest in Central European training techniques The relegation will not be televised The relegation will not be brought to you by Premier Sports and will not star McCoist and Sutton or Mikey Stewart and Thommo The relegation will not give Hearts fans sex appeal The relegation will not get rid of the spots The relegation will not make them look five stone lighter, because the relegation will not be televised, brother There will be no pictures of Jonathan Watson dressed as Ann Budge making you question your sexuality on Hogmanay Or Joel Sked simpering on a couch for sixty minutes The BBC will not predict the loser twenty minutes from full time or the management team's resignation date The relegation will not be televised There will be no pictures of Christophe Berra scoring own goals in the action replay There will be no pictures of Christophe Berra scoring own goals in the action replay There will be no pictures of Christophe Berra scoring own goals in the action replay There will be no pictures of Joel Pereira being run out of Gorgie by a pitchforked mob There will be no slow motion or still life of Alex Salmond strolling into Tynecastle with a maroon tie and cufflinks that he had been saving for just the right occasion Albert Kidd, 5-1, and John Robertson will no longer be so damned relevant and Jambos will not care if Hibs gets a slot in the Europa League because Hearts Fans will be in the stands throwing their scarves onto the pitch There will be no highlights on the Sportscene late night special and no pictures of fans invading the pitch in a freezing May afternoon in Inverness The theme song will not be written by Dougie McLean or Eddi Reader, nor sung by Hector Nicol, Wattie Buchan, Frightened Rabbit, or Mark E Smith. The relegation will not be televised The relegation will not be right back after a short profile about Craig Halkett, Craig Levein or Craig Fowler You will not have to worry about the round trip to Dingwall, the stewards at Parkhead or the Union Bears at Tynecastle The relegation will not get better with time The relegation will not be a good thing in the long run The relegation WILL put you in the championship The relegation will not be televised WILL not be televised, WILL NOT BE TELEVISED The relegation will not be a re-run, The relegation will be live.

Looks like Stevie G is about to start becrying in a minute.

I'll have a pint of salty *** tears and a large Edinburgh derby at Hampden please, landlord.

Roseburn end looks even emptier than the home stands now. Obviously they're in a rush to catch the Glasgow subway.

Game is simmering away nicely. A couple more dodgy ref decisions and players getting away with cheating and we're into shame game territory with red cards and players stretchered off. Can't ask for anything more.

Freeman Dyson, one of the most imaginative twentieth century mathematical physics, has finally run out of ideas.

The attendance tonight was about 500 more folk than at the last cup tie at Pittodrie. Or for a fair comparison, since that was in an earlier round, about 1200 more than the last Quarter Final Scottish cup tie at Pittodrie that wasn't against one of the Old Firm. Well it's not that fair, since that game was at 3pm on a Saturday, and not a weekday evening kickoff, but I CBA digging further. You need better crowdwanking material.

You guys won't be needing the Premiership team thread much longer, so we might as well make use of it for teaching the finer points of 3D perspective geometry and the offside rule.

The attacker's left knee is clearly high off the ground and therefore it's misleading and wrong to compare a perspective line directly through it with the two from the lines on the pitch, just as it's wrong to draw one through his arse. The correct point for a perspective analysis of the type you're suggesting would be the point on the ground surface which is directly below the knee, and it's not immediately obvious exactly where that is or which side of the perspective line going through the ball (technically, the point where the ball touches the ground) it would happen to be. You would have to invoke some biomechanics, the frustrum dimensions of the Sky Sports television camera's field of view and the dick-to-floor measurement of the Accies player in question to get a reasonable estimate. Your methodology of choosing any old point on the attacker's body and drawing the perspective line straight through it, regardless of whether it's on the ground would also apply to the attacker's head, which, by your method and the laws of the game, would be even more offside, and even you would have to accept that as absurd.

Gordon has been here for seven months and the tannoy system has been utterly shagged since about week 2 of the season. I think the dire precedent has been averted.

What is that middle perspective line trying to show? As far as I can tell, it's saying nothing at all. The ball is what's playing the attacker onside, if anything, and the perspective line isn't going through the ball and it's going through the attacker's arse, which is a couple of feet off the ground. The perspective lines from the pitch markings don't work when trying to compare objects at different heights (e.g. you can put an Accies player standing bolt upright in a clearly onside position in the penalty box semicircle where the same perspective line goes through his arse too). Draw the perspective line through the ball and see what happens.

It's a curious state of affairs where your grievance relating to what happened two games and six months ago is the primary topic for discussion, while Dykes' diving incident that happened in last Saturday's match is offtopic for last Saturday's match thread.

Dunno about Metallica. This slice of eighties cheese-metal seems more appropriate for Rangers current league predicament, somehow...

I thought you were the guys who didn't care what people like.

There'll probably be ticket pods at the South stand for the away fans.

The match, too, is solely dedicated to Efe appreciation. League points be damned, we just want to see him score at both ends of the pitch, again.

Efe didn't somersault when he scored the first goal in that 2-2 game against Celtic at ER in late 2017. I suspect if he scores against us, he might lay off the celebrations...

After Marvin Bartley, maybe Livingston is going to be the retirement home for old Hibees that still want to stay in Edinburgh. I'll expect our entire back line to be playing for Livi two seasons hence...

Aha, so it is. These multiple fixture dates for the same two teams is bamboozling my already addled mind. Carry on, nothing to see here...

You're making the assumption that Motherwell doesn't snatch it away from St Mirren at tomorrow's rescheduled league fixture. Which they won't.

Maybe. But he's our cheating wee c**t!

If I'm reading his pick list properly, he's abusing his power to make sure he overwhelmingly picks solo shots from the world of literature that nobody else has thought of, so he'll pick fewer folks but they'll be worth more points when they do die. It's a reasonable strategy but you have to be patient. I'm still convinced that Kirk Douglas will turn out to have been a waste of a pick meself...