Aim Here

Thanks to the miracle of modern deep learning AI techniques, websites can now do a reasonable job of that by themselves. (Courtesy of an Nvidia tech demo that I found here)

Yeah. The one that says 'Thank you NHS' is the real thing.

In order to avoid doing real work, I started doing my own spreadsheet jiggery-pokery and I think I've spotted two or maybe three mistakes here. As far as I can tell, pub car king should only be on 205 points. His two successful picks so far are Kirk Douglas (for 22) and the inspired Caroline Flack VC pick for 183, and that's what's showing on your spreadsheet, but you've added them up to 223. sureiknow is only on 141 points. That's what's on the spreadsheet, but you've transcribed it wrong for the standings above. Also Pearl Carr's birthday on the sheet is wrong, but you've somehow magically calculated sleazy's point score from the correct date (she knocked a couple of years off like a lot of female entertainers of that era). Good job! Apologies to both players concerned for diddling them out of unfairly gained points, but sporting integrity is at stake here. What would onlookers think about the noble sport of Dead Pool, if they found out the scoring system was rigged?

And he's got a BBC obit, which, since he's one of my picks, I'll link here for Miguel's benefit. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-52331353

The difference between what he's worth to Dundee to play CB and what you're actually paying him would probably do the trick; if your mystery multimillion benefactor can actually stretch to that. (That's not even a joke, really. Berra does have a negative transfer value right now).

Waitwaitwait what? We're being bumped into seventh place because the Saints get awarded 1.24 points for a game that they didn't even play - against Rangers? That's absurd! It's plainly not fair. It's a disgrace! This is corruption that goes right at the heart of Scottish football and the shady unseen hand of Stuart Cosgrove and the National Farmers Union. Hibs fans should boycott all away games, and ask the Football Association of Ireland to see if they'll have us, and demand the SFA launches a fully independent Inquiry into Sporting Integrity under Rod Petrie to consider reconstructing the league point scoring system (4 points for a win?) so that these sorts of outrages can never happen again.

The Scottish Cup is just three matches, affecting four teams. It would be relatively easy to squeeze the cup into the schedules somewhere once the fitba restarts.

That's not an insurmountable difficulty, in that the SPFL schedule monkeys can fix it so that the arsecheeks always play on the last game of the season.

And Graham Rae Ross Morrison would be saying more or less the same as what he's saying now, if ICT were in fourth. It's not Ayr making that statement, it's the fourth-placed Championship team saying it, whichever team that happens to be. With the possible exception of Dundee's vote earlier today, we can pretty much predetermine every team's votes and statements from their positions in the league hierarchy.

The Old Firm are the most likely to vote against reconstruction, since they're the most likely to benefit from the status quo, as far as TV income is concerned. Hearts and Rangers were natural allies on the season ending vote, but league reconstruction is likely a minor financial loss to Rangers. It does depend on the specifics of what the Budge Commission comes up with, though.

The story is that the SPFL is pointing out that playing the rest of the league is unfeasible.

Howabout a modification to this - instead of the second-bottom teams in the playoffs, have the playoffs between the bottom teams and the runners up? That way ICT and Dundee get their chance at promotion, Hearts and Partick get their chance to avoid relegation and you're not just swapping an ICT 'No' vote for a QotS 'No' vote. You still have the problem of when to play the playoffs, but it'd be an easier sell if it's feasible - it gives something to all the disgruntled losers with the 'end the league' proposal, other than Rangers.

But in the highly likely event that those 24 points are going to have to remain unplayed, due to the global pandemic that's making all social gatherings impossible, then we either void the season, or end the season. In the former case, fans and teams don't deserve to have their efforts in a whole 2/3 of the season nullified. In the latter, well insofar as anyone deserves relegation, it's Partick and Hearts, due to their performance in the games that were played. No matter what happens, someone's getting fucked over in ways they don't deserve. With the 'end the season' vote, it just happens to be Hearts, but Hearts are the least undeserving team of the twelve. So it goes. Also it's not 'expelled' it's relegated. There's a huge difference.

You posted 6 different reasons why it's in the interests of various clubs to vote the way they did. I don't see why you bothered hinting about orchestrating the vote in your last sentence, since the rest of the post makes clear that there's no need for the invisible hand of the SPFL illuminati or the ****** Mafia. Self-interest suffices to explain it. Just as it's in the self-interest of Hearts, Rangers, Inverness, Partick, Edinburgh City, and (until the bribes roll in) Dundee to vote no.

John Horton Conway, mathematician who was famed among recreational mathematics and computer programming circles for his work on cellular automata, combinatorical games and the invention of the Surreal Numbers, has lost his Game of Life. (At least according to social media)

Nah. The SPFL is so close to passing the current proposal that if a no vote goes through, they'll just slightly modify the proposal to make Dundee or ICT or whoever happy. If you're that close to an agreed-upon workable proposal, throwing it in the bin and going for a radical league reconstruction would be silly.

I dunno. In terms of strategy, picking solo shots is a good one. And part of that is guessing who someone else will pick and who they won't. The person who picked Rogers were right to pick him, and the people who didn't pick him because they figured someone else would pick him were right not to. It's only the people who rejected him because they figured he wouldn't die that might have made a mistake. Good play all round, chief.

RIP Albert Uderzo. One indomitable Gaulish cartoonist is no longer holding out against the invaders.

That's a shame. We really could do with some good news around about now.

Aren't you the gadgie who posted a tear-stained rendition of 'In Yer Gorgie slums' the very day Hearts thumped Rangers out of the Scottish Cup?

I was a few feet away from them for the St Johnstone vs Hibs game after Hecky got fired; part of the reason nobody skelped them that day was that they were surrounded by a fawning mob of about thirty 15 year olds, because they're apparently famous on the youtube now. Maybe we're just getting too old to understand.

I don't know what would be the point. Gray is our third-best right-back right now and hasn't looked good at all this season. I mean, he's on a long contract and Naismith is crocked so we might as well keep him around as injury cover, ironic as that seems, but I'd far rather see Naismith or Paul McGinn on the pitch these days. McGinn was the least worst part of our back four last night.

The world where Hearts have managed to win 1 game out of 10 against fellow tail-enders Ross County, Hamilton, St Mirren and St Johnstone this season.

While the post is a severe embarrassment to Motherwell fans everywhere, except the other closet-*** basket cases, this couplet reminded me of one of the more famous sons of Scottish fitba' I feel like yer man missed a trick by not carrying on in the idiom -- You will not be able to stay at home, jambo. You will not be able to plug in, tune in and sit down, You will not be able to watch it on your sofa or on the TV screen at the Athletic Arms Because the relegation will not be televised The relegation will not be brought to you by Sky Sports In 2 legs with commercial interruption The relegation will not show you footage of Daniel Stendel wearing ski googles and climbing a rope ladder to demonstrate the latest in Central European training techniques The relegation will not be televised The relegation will not be brought to you by Premier Sports and will not star McCoist and Sutton or Mikey Stewart and Thommo The relegation will not give Hearts fans sex appeal The relegation will not get rid of the spots The relegation will not make them look five stone lighter, because the relegation will not be televised, brother There will be no pictures of Jonathan Watson dressed as Ann Budge making you question your sexuality on Hogmanay Or Joel Sked simpering on a couch for sixty minutes The BBC will not predict the loser twenty minutes from full time or the management team's resignation date The relegation will not be televised There will be no pictures of Christophe Berra scoring own goals in the action replay There will be no pictures of Christophe Berra scoring own goals in the action replay There will be no pictures of Christophe Berra scoring own goals in the action replay There will be no pictures of Joel Pereira being run out of Gorgie by a pitchforked mob There will be no slow motion or still life of Alex Salmond strolling into Tynecastle with a maroon tie and cufflinks that he had been saving for just the right occasion Albert Kidd, 5-1, and John Robertson will no longer be so damned relevant and Jambos will not care if Hibs gets a slot in the Europa League because Hearts Fans will be in the stands throwing their scarves onto the pitch There will be no highlights on the Sportscene late night special and no pictures of fans invading the pitch in a freezing May afternoon in Inverness The theme song will not be written by Dougie McLean or Eddi Reader, nor sung by Hector Nicol, Wattie Buchan, Frightened Rabbit, or Mark E Smith. The relegation will not be televised The relegation will not be right back after a short profile about Craig Halkett, Craig Levein or Craig Fowler You will not have to worry about the round trip to Dingwall, the stewards at Parkhead or the Union Bears at Tynecastle The relegation will not get better with time The relegation will not be a good thing in the long run The relegation WILL put you in the championship The relegation will not be televised WILL not be televised, WILL NOT BE TELEVISED The relegation will not be a re-run, The relegation will be live.

Looks like Stevie G is about to start becrying in a minute.