Lisa Cuddy Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Doing it graduall will take forever I fear . The slightest suggestion that you are about to leave her on her own and she screams the place down. We try to put her to bed at the same time every day to get her in to a routine but shes not having any of it so shes been kicking off for days now. But I find her crying herself to sleep is the hardest thing. It is VERY difficult not to go and pick her up! How old is she? Controlled crying (leaving babies to cry and checking on them at gradually increasing intervals) is effective a lot of the time, but it's not recommended before 6 months. If they're crying, it'll likely be for a reason - wind, hunger, discomfort, pain and so on. At any age, it's not recommended if they're unwell. If she's over 6 months, you need to make absolutely sure that all her needs are satisfied before you try it and you start off leaving her for a short while initially - say five minutes - and then gradually increase the time you leave her for. When you do go to her, minimise contact, do not pick her up unless it's absolutely necessary (to change, feed etc.), don't talk anymore than you need to, preferably, "shush"-type, soothing noises, rather than actually talking. Just gently stroke her cheek or her back, whatever is comforting for her. It's heartbreaking and it's difficult to do, but it does work. Of course, being a girl, she'll already have you around her little finger anyway, so it's much harder for you. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuggie_Murray7 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 How old is she? Controlled crying (leaving babies to cry and checking on them at gradually increasing intervals) is effective a lot of the time, but it's not recommended before 6 months. If they're crying, it'll likely be for a reason - wind, hunger, discomfort, pain and so on. At any age, it's not recommended if they're unwell. She only coming up on 5 weeks. It's not wind or hunger. But I keep saying to myself "there must be some reason she's crying." If she's over 6 months, you need to make absolutely sure that all her needs are satisfied before you try it and you start off leaving her for a short while initially - say five minutes - and then gradually increase the time you leave her for. When you do go to her, minimise contact, do not pick her up unless it's absolutely necessary (to change, feed etc.), don't talk anymore than you need to, preferably, "shush"-type, soothing noises, rather than actually talking. Just gently stroke her cheek or her back, whatever is comforting for her. It's heartbreaking and it's difficult to do, but it does work. Of course, being a girl, she'll already have you around her little finger anyway, so it's much harder for you. Aye thats an understatement. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skyline Drifter Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 She only coming up on 5 weeks. It's not wind or hunger. But I keep saying to myself "there must be some reason she's crying." Reflux? Steven screamed the house down for weeks until we got that diagnosed and treated. He was a different baby almost instantly once the Gaviscon was introduced. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 She only coming up on 5 weeks. It's not wind or hunger. But I keep saying to myself "there must be some reason she's crying." Aye thats an understatement. I only went to the ante-natal classes when I had my first baby, but the midwife taking them said something that made perfect sense. When you're pregnant and the midwife listens in to your baby with the doppler, what can you hear going on in there? It's not exactly quiet, there's all sorts of noises the mother's body makes. On top of that, baby is quite tightly packed in, so it's nice and cosy and she's got her surroundings to keep her comforted. Then, once they're born, they're put to bed at night and it's silent. They have a blanket over them to keep them warm, but their limbs move as much as they want them to. There's no cosy walls keeping them snuggled up. At five weeks, your little girl is still little more than a newborn and self-soothing is something that can come later. If you really don't think you should be cuddling her to sleep, try things like making sure that her blankets are snug enough for her and not having the room completely silent. Plus, as SD says, investigate the possibility of reflux. If she's settling ok being held, it's likely that it's just comfort she wants, but it's definitely worth ruling out anything else that could be causing a problem. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RH33 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 We have a reflux baby here, Gaviscon helps but she gurrgules and snorts all day long But she's fairly settled thankfully. The bribery tool for potty training arrived today Was going to start tom but my MIL is in hospital so we need to be out the house too much over the weekend. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reina Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 At 5 weeks of course she wants you to hold her. She's been in a safe, cosy environment with mummy for the last 9 months and then suddenly she is out in the open scary world. Babies cry because they need something and if that something is simply a cuddle, is that so wrong? I wish I'd spent more time cuddling Cal than getting annoyed that he wouldn't be put down! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reina Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 She's taking the piss (technical term) out of you. No, she's not, she's a 5 week old baby who wants comfort. There's a theory about human babies having a fourth trimester and loads of research is being done in to cultures where colic doesn't exist due to babies being worn/held constantly. There is also evidence to suggest that babies who are held lots and comforted immediately are more independent when older. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RH33 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 I love baby wearing Reina, use my slings a fair bit. I cuddled Ruairidh to sleep, still do, favourite time of the day, we chat about his day, read and sing before settling him for the night. Much to Gina Ford's disgust I would think Babies need attention, mine is sitting on my lap giggling at me as she fills her nappy Very lady like! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingapar Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 No, she's not, she's a 5 week old baby who wants comfort. There's a theory about human babies having a fourth trimester and loads of research is being done in to cultures where colic doesn't exist due to babies being worn/held constantly. There is also evidence to suggest that babies who are held lots and comforted immediately are more independent when older. completely agree, I'd assumed (clearly, wrongly) that we were talking about a baby a fair bit further down the line, at five weeks just get on with enjoying the cuddles! at that age, you and baby are still just getting to know each other. try not to let her sleep on you for long. if she's going to sleep in your arms but going down ok once asleep, you're onto a winner already. Definitely worth getting checked for reflux though. same with any queries you have at this stage, one thing I think the kids can pick up on from the very start is any worries you're having and there's no such thing as a stupid question if it's something's concerning you. Shuggie, apologies for my tactless original response 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skyline Drifter Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 completely agree, I'd assumed (clearly, wrongly) that we were talking about a baby a fair bit further down the line, at five weeks just get on with enjoying the cuddles! at that age, you and baby are still just getting to know each other. try not to let her sleep on you for long. if she's going to sleep in your arms but going down ok once asleep, you're onto a winner already. We went through a long period of several months where Steven was completely the opposite. He didn't want cuddled to sleep, he did it himself but he would wake up crying through the night (partly reflux maybe) and would NOT go back to bed (plus he had a 1 year old two feet away in the next bed so we couldn't leave him screaming the place down). On those nights the only solution was to take him downstairs and he would settle back down on me. He often slept for an hour or two on me on the couch before we got him back upstairs. Yes, I know every piece of medical advice and book says we shouldn't do it but we did and it worked well. He now sleeps very happily on his own and pretty much sleeps through the night these days unless he's ill. We've been lucky when I hear tales of others who didn't sleep through the night until they wer 4 or 5. Thomas has largely slept through the night since he was about 6 months old and Steven has done so since he was about 13 or 14 months. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RH33 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Niamh started sleepin through couple weeks ago. Invariably going from 8pm-7am Her reflux really gets to ner early evening but seems not to bother her overnight. The snoring, grunting and gurggling wakes me though but thankfully not her. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuggie_Murray7 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 completely agree, I'd assumed (clearly, wrongly) that we were talking about a baby a fair bit further down the line, at five weeks just get on with enjoying the cuddles! at that age, you and baby are still just getting to know each other. try not to let her sleep on you for long. if she's going to sleep in your arms but going down ok once asleep, you're onto a winner already. Definitely worth getting checked for reflux though. same with any queries you have at this stage, one thing I think the kids can pick up on from the very start is any worries you're having and there's no such thing as a stupid question if it's something's concerning you. Shuggie, apologies for my tactless original response That's the point though, she litterally will not sleep alone. The only way she will go to sleep is while being held. She has a checkup on Monday so it will definetly be mentioned. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RH33 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Have you tried swaddling her? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 That's the point though, she litterally will not sleep alone. The only way she will go to sleep is while being held. I might have this wrong, but I think what he probably means is that you shouldn't let her lie on you to sleep. Once she's settled (or near settled if you're feeling brave), put her in her bed. As lovely as cuddling a sleeping newborn is, you're better in the habit of leaving her to sleep, plus you need to keep in mind the back-to-sleep, feet-to-foot guidelines for safety. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingapar Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 We went through a long period of several months where Steven was completely the opposite. He didn't want cuddled to sleep, he did it himself but he would wake up crying through the night (partly reflux maybe) and would NOT go back to bed (plus he had a 1 year old two feet away in the next bed so we couldn't leave him screaming the place down). On those nights the only solution was to take him downstairs and he would settle back down on me. He often slept for an hour or two on me on the couch before we got him back upstairs. Yes, I know every piece of medical advice and book says we shouldn't do it but we did and it worked well. He now sleeps very happily on his own and pretty much sleeps through the night these days unless he's ill. We've been lucky when I hear tales of others who didn't sleep through the night until they wer 4 or 5. Thomas has largely slept through the night since he was about 6 months old and Steven has done so since he was about 13 or 14 months. Aye, I think the best piece of advice (although often infuriating) is that every child is different. We're just at the end of a spell of our 3 and 6 year old girls who share a room being a nightmare to settle at night. Putting them to bed at the same time is a recipe for total disaster because they just keep each other up for hours. It took a while to get things to settle, but so long as we prevent the 3 year old from sleeping through day, not even for five minutes (can be difficult as she's quite solitary and likes to go off and do her own thing) and space their bed times they now settle fine. The youngest goes to bed at 7, the time they both used to go down at and is usually asleep by half 7 and the older goes down at 8 and is usually asleep by ten past. big difference from the half 10/11 they were on which was making them a nightmare the next day and was driving both me and the wife mad every night. especially as we are due another girl in September who is going into the same room at 6 months. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuggie_Murray7 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I might have this wrong, but I think what he probably means is that you shouldn't let her lie on you to sleep. Once she's settled (or near settled if you're feeling brave), put her in her bed. As lovely as cuddling a sleeping newborn is, you're better in the habit of leaving her to sleep, plus you need to keep in mind the back-to-sleep, feet-to-foot guidelines for safety. We tried this numerous times and it didn't work, however, tried again in the middle of the night and she finally slept .....happy days!!! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingapar Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 We tried this numerous times and it didn't work, however, tried again in the middle of the night and she finally slept .....happy days!!! Well played, advantage mum and dad! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuggie_Murray7 Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 Thats 2 nights in a row now .....hopefully she was just going through a wee fussy spell 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chico Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 Thats 2 nights in a row now .....hopefully she was just going through a wee fussy spell Get your kip too bud. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuggie_Murray7 Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 Get your kip too bud. I'm a creture of the night so I tend to take care of the night shifts 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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