Pregnancy And Parenting

[RH33]

My little lady is fair getting through the medical specialties, physio today who sent for x ray and has refered to ortho!

[Guest Kincardine]

Anyone have any good deals/offers/ideas on good Christmas gifts yet? I decided to begin earlier this year and am absolutely stumped as to what to get.

Shug, what age are your weans and which gender(s)?

Mine are now 10, 12 and 13 so we've been through a fair-few Xmases and I'd be happy to offer ideas.

[Guest The Phoenix]

Shug, what age are your weans and which gender(s)?

Mine are now 10, 12 and 13 so we've been through a fair-few Xmases and I'd be happy to offer ideas.

What went wrong in season 2001/2002?

[Raithie]

Long time lurker of P&B so decided to finally register and start posting.

This is going to be a very long post so bear with me.

Thought I'd share my experience(s) so far in terms of dealing with the arrival of our wee one. He's 8 months old today and both me and my partners first baby. Prior to him being born I had never held a new born baby, had never changed a nappy, wouldn't say I was overly fussed for children but as the pregnancy wore on the more excited I became. My other half has a bit of experience dealing with babies as she had to literally look after her niece for the first year of her life after her sister developed post natal depression. I didn't know my other half at this point but it seemed to give her this inclination to have children in the future.

Throughout her pregnancy we knew our wee boy was going to be big albeit the scans were showing a healthy average sized little boy. Towards the end of her pregnancy her tummy was ridiculously huge and very low. She started to get really bad back pains and the midwives pre-warned us that he was 'back to back' so she had some serious pelvic problems.

Here is where the plot thickens.

The midwives had gave us a due date of the 24th February. Me and my other half disputed this but thought nothing of it, it was all new to us so we decided to trust the 'professionals' judgement. She decided she wanted one of those 3D scans and the lady said that going by his measurements it looks more likely that he'd be due around the 17th February. We just plodded along and had the mindset of 'he'll be here when he's ready'. 24th February came and went, still no baby. Not to worry we thought, boys are sometimes late in arriving. End of February came and still no baby. Concerns are starting to sink in. Went into the hospital as her back waters had went (I had nothing to do with this ) and midwives again stated he was back to back.....but assured us that he would be roughly 8 pounds. My other half demanded a scan as she was still not convinced, this was refused. I believe if she had been given a scan at this point it would have prevented the following:

29th February and her waters had fully went (48 hours prior to that I might add) and she was induced at roughly 6am on the 1st March. As the day wore on, still no baby. By tea time she had fully dilated and they had her push for about 2 hours (this was about 6pm). Baby was still back to back and was refusing to move. Surgeons, consultants, midwives were all running about daft not sure what to do. My other half had this fear of the baby being removed by foreceps as she had read horror stories of them not being sterilised and babies dying from this. She had to bite the bullet as this is what had to happen. Whipped up to theatre, me in my unflattering theatre outfit and we were underway. Surgeon managed to get his head out but advised his shoulders were to broad and that the only way he'd come out by foreceps would be if they broke his shoulder!!!!.....we refused this so it was now down to an emergency C-Section after pushing him back inside her.

Finally he had arrived at 20:40, not before the surgeon basically made me watch the procedure saying it was normal for fathers to see this. I thought I'd pass out but it was helluva eye opening watching this. So our 'little' bundle of joy was here, I was in tears, the other half was far to out of it to really know what was happening and they told us his weight......11 pound 2 ounces

Back to the ward so she could recover and I was kicked out the hospital roughly half an hour after that. Doctors advised that she had haemorrhaged and lost 2 litres of blood (no blood transfusion offered and she was as white as a ghost for the next month or so).

When we got home my other half was practically bed bound. I had a lot of learning to do in the following 2 weeks as she literally couldn't move. She was very upset as she felt she couldn't mother him properly. Something wasn't right, we had friends who had had C-Sections and didn't seem to have this issue when recovering. Literally two days after getting home she was rushed back into hospital. She had developed a blood clot under her scar. She was in hospital for a further 7 days, got home and within 4 hours she was back in again for a further 5 days. Turns out all the iron tablets and drips she was on had made her compacted with crap which caused excruciating pain. She was literally screaming the flat down before she got rushed back in by ambulance.

Thankfully she made a full recovery and everything is ok minus the fact her muscles are now really far apart and she's left with a severe amount of over hanging skin. She's a tall thin girl who still looks about 6 months pregnant. NHS have refused her a tummy tuck saying she needs to lose 2 stone in 6 months, she's lost over a stone so far so she's hopeful they might consider her for a tummy tuck in the future. The surgeon was a complete arse about it, almost as if he sees people regularly who want tummy tucks but don't deserve it. We can't afford to go private and she feels after what she's been through with the conflicting due dates, refusal for a last minute scan due to concerns of his size and what happened after the pregnancy that she should get a tummy tuck. I wouldn't say she fell into a depressive state due to her image but you could see she was down about this. We just kept saying to ourselves that at least the wee one was healthy and that she was alive.

Throughout this ordeal the wee one was fantastic. He's only properly went nuts about 3 times since he was born. When he was home he'd sleep during the night (still has a good 9 or 10 hour kip today) and has given us zero stress...so far. It's as if he knew his Mum wasn't well and picked up on it. Watching him grow and change every day is so rewarding. The dreaded teething started a couple of months ago but so far he's taking it like a man. His weight has evened itself out and he's on target for his age.

I should also add the hospital put the wrong discharge date on her notes so we had no midwive come out until we phoned them. We then had them call us when he was 6 months and they thought he was only 4 months. They wanted to talk to us about weaning him however we had already started this ourselves through our own research, we hadn't a clue if we were doing it right, turns out we were so that's a bonus.

Loving parenthood. Good luck to all the soon to be mother and fathers. Best time of your lives is nearly upon you

[Jacksgranda]

Long time lurker of P&B so decided to finally register and start posting.

This is going to be a very long post so bear with me.

Thought I'd share my experience(s) so far in terms of dealing with the arrival of our wee one. He's 8 months old today and both me and my partners first baby. Prior to him being born I had never held a new born baby, had never changed a nappy, wouldn't say I was overly fussed for children but as the pregnancy wore on the more excited I became. My other half has a bit of experience dealing with babies as she had to literally look after her niece for the first year of her life after her sister developed post natal depression. I didn't know my other half at this point but it seemed to give her this inclination to have children in the future.

Throughout her pregnancy we knew our wee boy was going to be big albeit the scans were showing a healthy average sized little boy. Towards the end of her pregnancy her tummy was ridiculously huge and very low. She started to get really bad back pains and the midwives pre-warned us that he was 'back to back' so she had some serious pelvic problems.

Here is where the plot thickens.

The midwives had gave us a due date of the 24th February. Me and my other half disputed this but thought nothing of it, it was all new to us so we decided to trust the 'professionals' judgement. She decided she wanted one of those 3D scans and the lady said that going by his measurements it looks more likely that he'd be due around the 17th February. We just plodded along and had the mindset of 'he'll be here when he's ready'. 24th February came and went, still no baby. Not to worry we thought, boys are sometimes late in arriving. End of February came and still no baby. Concerns are starting to sink in. Went into the hospital as her back waters had went (I had nothing to do with this ) and midwives again stated he was back to back.....but assured us that he would be roughly 8 pounds. My other half demanded a scan as she was still not convinced, this was refused. I believe if she had been given a scan at this point it would have prevented the following:

29th February and her waters had fully went (48 hours prior to that I might add) and she was induced at roughly 6am on the 1st March. As the day wore on, still no baby. By tea time she had fully dilated and they had her push for about 2 hours (this was about 6pm). Baby was still back to back and was refusing to move. Surgeons, consultants, midwives were all running about daft not sure what to do. My other half had this fear of the baby being removed by foreceps as she had read horror stories of them not being sterilised and babies dying from this. She had to bite the bullet as this is what had to happen. Whipped up to theatre, me in my unflattering theatre outfit and we were underway. Surgeon managed to get his head out but advised his shoulders were to broad and that the only way he'd come out by foreceps would be if they broke his shoulder!!!!.....we refused this so it was now down to an emergency C-Section after pushing him back inside her.

Finally he had arrived at 20:40, not before the surgeon basically made me watch the procedure saying it was normal for fathers to see this. I thought I'd pass out but it was helluva eye opening watching this. So our 'little' bundle of joy was here, I was in tears, the other half was far to out of it to really know what was happening and they told us his weight......11 pound 2 ounces

Back to the ward so she could recover and I was kicked out the hospital roughly half an hour after that. Doctors advised that she had haemorrhaged and lost 2 litres of blood (no blood transfusion offered and she was as white as a ghost for the next month or so).

When we got home my other half was practically bed bound. I had a lot of learning to do in the following 2 weeks as she literally couldn't move. She was very upset as she felt she couldn't mother him properly. Something wasn't right, we had friends who had had C-Sections and didn't seem to have this issue when recovering. Literally two days after getting home she was rushed back into hospital. She had developed a blood clot under her scar. She was in hospital for a further 7 days, got home and within 4 hours she was back in again for a further 5 days. Turns out all the iron tablets and drips she was on had made her compacted with crap which caused excruciating pain. She was literally screaming the flat down before she got rushed back in by ambulance.

Thankfully she made a full recovery and everything is ok minus the fact her muscles are now really far apart and she's left with a severe amount of over hanging skin. She's a tall thin girl who still looks about 6 months pregnant. NHS have refused her a tummy tuck saying she needs to lose 2 stone in 6 months, she's lost over a stone so far so she's hopeful they might consider her for a tummy tuck in the future. The surgeon was a complete arse about it, almost as if he sees people regularly who want tummy tucks but don't deserve it. We can't afford to go private and she feels after what she's been through with the conflicting due dates, refusal for a last minute scan due to concerns of his size and what happened after the pregnancy that she should get a tummy tuck. I wouldn't say she fell into a depressive state due to her image but you could see she was down about this. We just kept saying to ourselves that at least the wee one was healthy and that she was alive.

Throughout this ordeal the wee one was fantastic. He's only properly went nuts about 3 times since he was born. When he was home he'd sleep during the night (still has a good 9 or 10 hour kip today) and has given us zero stress...so far. It's as if he knew his Mum wasn't well and picked up on it. Watching him grow and change every day is so rewarding. The dreaded teething started a couple of months ago but so far he's taking it like a man. His weight has evened itself out and he's on target for his age.

I should also add the hospital put the wrong discharge date on her notes so we had no midwive come out until we phoned them. We then had them call us when he was 6 months and they thought he was only 4 months. They wanted to talk to us about weaning him however we had already started this ourselves through our own research, we hadn't a clue if we were doing it right, turns out we were so that's a bonus.

Loving parenthood. Good luck to all the soon to be mother and fathers. Best time of your lives is nearly upon you

Phew! At least you have a healthy child and wife.

[Ebanda's Handyman Services]

1351764760[/url]' post='6764303']

Long time lurker of P&B so decided to finally register and start posting.

This is going to be a very long post so bear with me...

Jesus!

I always appreciated the fact that my wife didn't have much trouble with our two, 16 hour labour for my wee boy apart, but even more so after reading that.

[Lisa Cuddy]

Jesus, that's a hell of an experience! I'm glad you're all through it relatively unscathed and I hope your wife gets the right treatment in the future. I'm appalled that you were made to watch the section. I've had four kids, 3 sections and never have I heard of that happening. If my husband had seen ours being delivered that way, he'd have hit the floor. He nearly passed out when our (now) 3 year old was handed to him because he was a bit mucky. That surgeon sounds like an arse!

[Raithie]

Phew! At least you have a healthy child and wife.

Aye that's basically what it boils down to. Touch wood we've had no issues so far health wise with either the wee man or herself. Whenever we take him to get weighed every couple of months the midwives are shocked by how laid back and content he is. I don't know if it's down to us as parents that he's like that (I'd like to hope it is) or if it's just came naturally. Apparently both me and the wife were fairly content kids so whether it's in his genes I'm not sure.

Jesus!

I always appreciated the fact that my wife didn't have much trouble with our two, 16 hour labour for my wee boy apart, but even more so after reading that.

We've contemplated having another baby further down the line but we're in a tricky situation. She really wants her figure back so she's got her mindset on this potential tummy tuck but she's been pre-warned if she does get this and falls pregnant she risks the procedure being reversed. She's annoyed that she's now to potentially pick however it's of my opinion that we're coping fine with one child and after what's happened we should just enjoy our wee family as it is. I know woman do have a more valued impression of their appearance than men but I've tried to drill in to her that her health comes first over how she looks. After 8 months she's gradually came to live with her tummy and slowly get her confidence back.

[Raithie]

Jesus, that's a hell of an experience! I'm glad you're all through it relatively unscathed and I hope your wife gets the right treatment in the future. I'm appalled that you were made to watch the section. I've had four kids, 3 sections and never have I heard of that happening. If my husband had seen ours being delivered that way, he'd have hit the floor. He nearly passed out when our (now) 3 year old was handed to him because he was a bit mucky. That surgeon sounds like an arse!

This was in the new hospital in KDY that the baby was delivered. There's been all sorts of stories of negligence and general arsey consultants/surgeons. We were going to make a complaint but we're of the opinion nothing will be done anyway so we'd be wasting our time. I must say the build up to watching the section was more nauseating than actually seeing it. It was a very surreal experience seeing him being delivered this way.....and I never got to cut the cord

[Jacksgranda]

I don't know if it's down to us as parents that he's like that (I'd like to hope it is) or if it's just came naturally. Apparently both me and the wife were fairly content kids so whether it's in his genes I'm not sure.

It's a bit of both I think. Babies undoubtably pick up vibes from their surroundings - don't we all - but some are just naturally more content than others, in my experience.

Also don't get too hung up on what nurses/mid-wives tell you. They do indeed offer good advice, but what they say is not holy writ, all babies are different (really!!??), and after x weeks, x months all are not at the same stage of development. As long as the baby is healthy and happy you are doing the right thing. (On the same basis don't ignore everything the nurse tells you either.)

My youngest step daughter treats everything the nurse tells her as gospel, despite her sisters (6 between them) and her mother (another 6) telling her to use her own instincts. Causes chaos, to be quite honest.

[Raithie]

It's a bit of both I think. Babies undoubtably pick up vibes from their surroundings - don't we all - but some are just naturally more content than others, in my experience.

Also don't get too hung up on what nurses/mid-wives tell you. They do indeed offer good advice, but what they say is not holy writ, all babies are different (really!!??), and after x weeks, x months all are not at the same stage of development. As long as the baby is healthy and happy you are doing the right thing. (On the same basis don't ignore everything the nurse tells you either.)

My youngest step daughter treats everything the nurse tells her as gospel, despite her sisters (6 between them) and her mother (another 6) telling her to use her own instincts. Causes chaos, to be quite honest.

Yeah we've had some interesting conflicting advice from midwives and hospital staff. You can definitely notice trends in how people deal with parenting ie trusting their own instincts or going by what the professionals are saying. The wife is very reluctant to believe what she's told by the midwives but this has only occured after she got out hospital. To give her credit she's been fantastic in terms of having that instinct to know what he needs and getting him into a routine feeding and napping wise. We can now time to the minute when he'll nap and when he's due his food and so far it's been spot on for the last few weeks. I know that might come across as quite anal to have everything narrowed down to times and that a childs hunger can vary but she's really thorough with him - and she refuses to give him any crap food. I suppose this will be good for him in the long run as he'll eat anything we put in front of him but it's mostly fresh fruit/veg and decent stuff for tea. Her problem is relying on Google whenever he might seem a bit under the weather, as soon as she see's some end of life illness she's convinced he's got it.

[RH33]

Rathie, def complain and ask for a case review. That is no way to have been treated.

Glad baby and mum are ok but I don't think I'd be keen on more after that experience!

[Ayrgirl]

This was in the new hospital in KDY that the baby was delivered. There's been all sorts of stories of negligence and general arsey consultants/surgeons. We were going to make a complaint but we're of the opinion nothing will be done anyway so we'd be wasting our time. I must say the build up to watching the section was more nauseating than actually seeing it. It was a very surreal experience seeing him being delivered this way.....and I never got to cut the cord

Rathie, def complain and ask for a case review. That is no way to have been treated.

Glad baby and mum are ok but I don't think I'd be keen on more after that experience!

What Rowan said - defo complain. They need to know what happened, investigate and then take action so that hopefully processes can be put in place so that other don't have to go through the same.

I worked as a midwife for 6 years and have had the misfortune of delivering a baby which was stuck coming through the birth canal (shoulder dystocia) and it was probably the scariest delivery I have ever participated in. Baby did deliver vaginally after a few procedures were performed but I can only imagine what the couple went through as it was horrific being involved. I have also had occasions where baby has to be pushed back in due to cord compression necessitating C-section which is equally terrifying. I would say that what you experienced is not the norm thankfully and with that in mind midwives may have appeared panicked as it may have been the first time they have had such complications, not that I'm excusing them.

You should complain though as it's important that organisations know what they do well and where they are failing at in order to make the experience better/more satisfactory for others.

Glad the wee one is well and you're enjoying being a parent.

[Raithie]

What Rowan said - defo complain. They need to know what happened, investigate and then take action so that hopefully processes can be put in place so that other don't have to go through the same.

I worked as a midwife for 6 years and have had the misfortune of delivering a baby which was stuck coming through the birth canal (shoulder dystocia) and it was probably the scariest delivery I have ever participated in. Baby did deliver vaginally after a few procedures were performed but I can only imagine what the couple went through as it was horrific being involved. I have also had occasions where baby has to be pushed back in due to cord compression necessitating C-section which is equally terrifying. I would say that what you experienced is not the norm thankfully and with that in mind midwives may have appeared panicked as it may have been the first time they have had such complications, not that I'm excusing them.

You should complain though as it's important that organisations know what they do well and where they are failing at in order to make the experience better/more satisfactory for others.

Glad the wee one is well and you're enjoying being a parent.

Going by your experience do you think it was correct that we were refused a last minute scan due to fear of the baby being to big to be delivered naturally. We both felt if this was done it could have went down the planned section route. One thing I did forget to mention was the wording the midwive used when we asked this, her words were "going by feeling your tummy you're looking at an 8 pound baby and your body won't grow something it can't get rid of". The problem we have is we don't have named individuals (not that we want to point the finger at anyone in particular) and the fact it's now 8 months down the line I'm reckoning it wouldn't go any further. It will only be natural that they'll ask why we've waited this length of time. I think the final straw came when she went to see the surgeon about the possiblity of a tummy tuck, she was referred to this surgeon by her GP. He asked her "why are you here", my other half started her story about the birth only to be interrupted with "I don't care about that I want to know why you're here". I couldn't make this appointment due to work but she went with her Mum, I was fuming when she told me the way this guy was speaking to her.

I think her issue is accepting that she needs to complain for the sake of others whereas she has that mindset of 'if I complain I want something that will benefit me as the outcome' ie this tummy tuck she's desperate for. I know I will sound biased but we've seen images of people with sagging skin after a section and I've never came across one as bad as this.

Edited November 1, 2012 by Raithie

[Jordo1872]

Long time lurker of P&B so decided to finally register and start posting.

This is going to be a very long post so bear with me.

Jesus!! Glad everything worked out well eventually, and that your partner is on the road to full recovery. We're expecting our first baby in January andstories like yours really make you think about what could go wrong, which is good I suppose.

We've had all our scans and so far everything is going well, although the missus is having trouble sleeping at night as she's ued to lying on her stomach. She's also been unable to shake off a cold for the last fortnight which we've put down to the pregnancy.

Apart from that everything is going well. I'm getting more and more excited as the time goes on, although to be fair I've been looking forward to it since day 1. I lost my own Dad when I was really young so the thought of being a good Dad to my own child is something I find really special and important.

We're heading for Glasgow on Saturday to have a look at prams. In the morning obviously, as its Scottish Cup day

[Ayrgirl]

I don't think the fact that it was 8 months ago should make any difference. It is having an effect on your other half's well-being/self esteem now and it may be beneficial for her to have answers or an apology. Records are kept for a number of years after the event (think it's 8 but up to adulthood for a child) and it would be clear from notes if you asked for case review who said what and who made the decisions not to scan i.e did the midwife make that decision, her superior or was it a medical decision. It seems for you that that would make a difference to your feelings on the whole experience. It appears that it is obviously still quite vivid in your mind and possibly a case review would provide you with closure or at least an explanation of why certain decisions were made and an assurance that they will look at how their processes work and how they can provide other parents with a better experience. You may decide at some time in the future to add to your family and I'm sure you would want to know that any failings had been highlighted and addressed. You cannot change practice etc if you don't know there is a problem which is why I think complaints/feedback is a must.

If I had been the midwife looking after someone who asked for a scan as they were concerned about size of baby - I would have asked the doctor to attend, discuss and if couple still not happy with outcome I would encourage them to continue to seek assurances from higher up the tree until they were satisfied with the outcome. That said the midwife looking after you can only express your and her concerns - decisions in relation to scanning, etc will be made in conjunction with the sister in charge of labour ward, registrar or consultant if deemed necessary. I would also ensure that this was all documented in notes - who was asked to attend, what they said and that patient was still concerned. If you expressed your concerns in relation to this during your experience it should be evident in the notes - your other half can request to see the notes and have them explained the you both. Seriously, you should at least look into it.

[Homer Thompson]

Jesus!! Glad everything worked out well eventually, and that your partner is on the road to full recovery. We're expecting our first baby in January andstories like yours really make you think about what could go wrong, which is good I suppose.

We've had all our scans and so far everything is going well, although the missus is having trouble sleeping at night as she's ued to lying on her stomach. She's also been unable to shake off a cold for the last fortnight which we've put down to the pregnancy.

Apart from that everything is going well. I'm getting more and more excited as the time goes on, although to be fair I've been looking forward to it since day 1. I lost my own Dad when I was really young so the thought of being a good Dad to my own child is something I find really special and important.

We're heading for Glasgow on Saturday to have a look at prams. In the morning obviously, as its Scottish Cup day

Three words - Phil and Teds

[Raithie]

I don't think the fact that it was 8 months ago should make any difference. It is having an effect on your other half's well-being/self esteem now and it may be beneficial for her to have answers or an apology. Records are kept for a number of years after the event (think it's 8 but up to adulthood for a child) and it would be clear from notes if you asked for case review who said what and who made the decisions not to scan i.e did the midwife make that decision, her superior or was it a medical decision. It seems for you that that would make a difference to your feelings on the whole experience. It appears that it is obviously still quite vivid in your mind and possibly a case review would provide you with closure or at least an explanation of why certain decisions were made and an assurance that they will look at how their processes work and how they can provide other parents with a better experience. You may decide at some time in the future to add to your family and I'm sure you would want to know that any failings had been highlighted and addressed. You cannot change practice etc if you don't know there is a problem which is why I think complaints/feedback is a must.

If I had been the midwife looking after someone who asked for a scan as they were concerned about size of baby - I would have asked the doctor to attend, discuss and if couple still not happy with outcome I would encourage them to continue to seek assurances from higher up the tree until they were satisfied with the outcome. That said the midwife looking after you can only express your and her concerns - decisions in relation to scanning, etc will be made in conjunction with the sister in charge of labour ward, registrar or consultant if deemed necessary. I would also ensure that this was all documented in notes - who was asked to attend, what they said and that patient was still concerned. If you expressed your concerns in relation to this during your experience it should be evident in the notes - your other half can request to see the notes and have them explained the you both. Seriously, you should at least look into it.

That's very helpful, thank you for the info

There have been times she's been wanting to go through the system like a freight train and then times where she just wants an apology. She's expressed concerns about having another baby at KDY hospital but am I right in saying you don't have a choice if that's your area/town? I get what you're saying about seeking assurances from higher up until we were satisfied but would it not have been easier to just do a quick scan and then we have an answer? would the scan at that point not have possibly pre-warned staff that the baby was going to be big and that a C-Section might have been the only option or would it have been a case of knowing it was a big baby but still to try the regular delivery methods? I would have thought the scan would have shown if he was back to back, how big he was, if it was possible for a baby of that size to be delivered vaginally and/or if his size could cause any complications. I wasn't aware that small details such as us requesting a last minute scan would have been documented? with this midwife admitting she was new it would be our luck that it isn't documented. I'll have a word with my other half tonight and see if she wants to go ahead with making a complaint. She was given a leaflet about making a complaint towards the NHS but with our 8 month old starting to get the knack of rolling about we've had our hands full. Going to be bedlam when he starts walking and running about.

[RH33]

Think you've been out voted on that one several times on here mr x!!

[Shuggie_Murray7]

Long time lurker of P&B so decided to finally register and start posting.

This is going to be a very long post so bear with me.

Where was this?

This sounds like horrendous service.

I can't say we had any bother at all with ours, in fact I thought ours were excellent.