Mr Pikey Posted March 4, 2016 Share Posted March 4, 2016 I actually find this thread hilarious. Probably because I never have to spout any of this shit.The thought of having to listen to or say any of that crap makes me cringe. I better not lose my job or I'm fecked.The corporate speak world has no place for the likes of me. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 I actually find this thread hilarious. Probably because I never have to spout any of this shit.The thought of having to listen to or say any of that crap makes me cringe. I better not lose my job or I'm fecked.The corporate speak world has no place for the likes of me. I don't think there are too many of us who spout it (except in a sarky way), but a lot of us have to listen to it and/or read it. I sometimes wonder about the people who do use it whether they carry that sort of chat into their personal, non-work lives. "Time to participate in some personal interfacing of a one on one networking nature". Time for a shag. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HTG Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 I no longer tell folk stuff - I socialise it. Also, whilst I've long since become used to c***s starting responses to questions that they don't know the answer to with the word "so" because it gives them thinking time, Friday was the first time I'd sent an email asking a question where the reply came back with "So, ...". Unsurprisingly it contained much bollocks. I can't imagine dealing with these conversations in certain parts of Scotland where there is an insatiable urge to finish every sentence with "eh?" (I'm looking at you Leith). Me: "how was lunch" Random: "So it was braw eh?" Me: "Wtf are you asking me for - I wasn't there!" It's the end of times. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Bairn Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 "I'll action that for you later today" Action. WTF. Is the word "do" not good enough for you m7? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smpar Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 "You're moving over to the red there, let's try get back into the black." i.e. I don't like that idea so here's a 'motivational' line of bullshit. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScarf Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 People who say or write 'So' at the start of a response to a question they've been asked need to be drowned in front of their family IMO. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 People who say or write 'So' at the start of a response to a question they've been asked need to be drowned in front of their family IMO. So, who's going to be doing the drowning? Is there somewhere you can sent a CV? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 Was just job hunting online and found a decent looking role. Location good, salary good, list of skills check but then I clocked this Apply blue sky / green field thinking to data driven problem Application terminated 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 Was just job hunting online and found a decent looking role. Location good, salary good, list of skills check but then I clocked this Application terminated That'll show them! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 That'll show them! Yep their loss! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Compliment Sandwich Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Some extracts from an e-mail I received last night: I am a gatekeeper of the process and my job requires monitoring, compilation of relevant paperwork and scrutinization of outflow... However, we do have a functioning check process but an extra check to minimise the possibilities of unforeseen lacunas can only bode well for the company as a whole...Lately I have been summoned due to irregularities which won't be the case if proper communication or interdepartmental liaison is carried out. As a process, communication is key coupled with the assembly line format to facilitate the process and achieve a desired outcome. After translating this into normal human language, there was in fact no purpose to the overall e-mail. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Some extracts from an e-mail I received last night: I am a gatekeeper of the process and my job requires monitoring, compilation of relevant paperwork and scrutinization of outflow... However, we do have a functioning check process but an extra check to minimise the possibilities of unforeseen lacunas can only bode well for the company as a whole... Lately I have been summoned due to irregularities which won't be the case if proper communication or interdepartmental liaison is carried out. As a process, communication is key coupled with the assembly line format to facilitate the process and achieve a desired outcome. After translating this into normal human language, there was in fact no purpose to the overall e-mail. Maybe he should start communicating. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pride_of_the_Clyde Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Thankfully our place is quite adamant that this kind of talk is discouraged but it's so expansive that I have come across wee enclaves that still talk to each other in this way. I've sifted out applicants at times for things like this if we're advertising something where good communication is needed. Like Jacksgranda says, it isn't communication. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Worktheshaft Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 Overheard today in the office "and who are the air traffic controllers on this.... no, no the're minding the perimeter" I work for a bank. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DigOutYourSoul Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 A lot of the people who I work with who have this kind of chat seem to come from a background with banks or other similar types of business. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 (edited) Obviously. They're going to have to ca' canny at sprint 3, they could head off in the wrong direction. Edited March 14, 2016 by Jacksgranda 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 (edited) Obviously. The blue line is me going home on a Saturday and the other one is during the week.Except for the sprint part obviously. Edited March 14, 2016 by Sergeant Wilson 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WaffenThinMint Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 (edited) Was just job hunting online and found a decent looking role. Location good, salary good, list of skills check but then I clocked this Apply blue sky / green field thinking to data driven problem Application terminated Doing it wrong. You ought to have strongly advised them why you were not taking forward your application for the career opportunity even though it ticked all the boxes and lined up all your ducks in a row, in case a more attractive offer came from them within their company. For example: Dear [insert Appropriate Name & Title], Thank you for advertising the position of [Job Title]. I really do appreciate your time and effort in doing so and explaining the career advancement and opportunities for growth within your company. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you of my decision to decline to apply for the job offer. After noting that you are looking for candidates who can - and I quote - "Apply blue sky / green field thinking to data driven problem" - I'm afraid this did leave the unfortunate impression that you are a shower of wankstains, and therefore the role would be more suited to someone more fitting that remit. Wishing you and the organization continued success. Yours sincerely, Barnabus Swarley Edited March 14, 2016 by WaffenThinMint 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScotSquid Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Delta... Can't we just receive a delta file? Translation - just tell us what records have changed since yesterday. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Obviously. I think they've missed an 'OT' out of scrum. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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