Fullerene Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 On 22/07/2016 at 15:42, DiegoDiego said: "specialising in corporate identity / design / marketing / digital media / video & animation" They can add bullshit to that list, I don't think they know what to specialise means. Being crap at everything else. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BallochSonsFan Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 PArt of our new contract in work means committing to a working pattern for 5 weeks at a time. The idea is that because we're extending our opening hours, we need to cover longer periods, including periods where we're expecting to be busy. What have they decided to call these important time slots that we need to cover? Tent poles. Tent poles. How the f**k do you consider peak business times and come up with the term tent poles? I know what I'd like to do with those tent poles, particularly with the aid of a large camping mallet. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 Have been shoe-horned into a new role at work... my boss decided to help me by forwarding this article. I nearly spat out my tea in disgust. http://www.bridging-the-gap.com/how-to-put-some-spunk-into-your-requirements/ 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeAreElgin Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 Have been shoe-horned into a new role at work... my boss decided to help me by forwarding this article. I nearly spat out my tea in disgust. http://www.bridging-the-gap.com/how-to-put-some-spunk-into-your-requirements/ Looks like you'll be shoehorning quite a lot with articles like that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 7 hours ago, Cardinal Richelieu said: Have been shoe-horned into a new role at work You should've asked for some easements to facilitate a successful transition to the new operating model. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 8 hours ago, Cardinal Richelieu said: Have been shoe-horned into a new role at work... my boss decided to help me by forwarding this article. I nearly spat out my tea in disgust. http://www.bridging-the-gap.com/how-to-put-some-spunk-into-your-requirements/ The shape of things to come. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernJambo Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 The shape of things to come. I think you mean it's the configuration of the scopes on the horizon...or some dreadful pish like that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DigOutYourSoul Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 I was in a meeting today with lloyds bank for 4 hours. Non stop corporate nonsense. It's like people at these big companies are actually paid to come up with shit. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 1 hour ago, NorthernJambo said: I think you mean it's the configuration of the scopes on the horizon...or some dreadful pish like that. Well. who honestly thought in 2016 that sending an article to a colleague with the word "spunk" in the title was a good idea? Occasionally it can be fun to slip in the odd ostensibly innocuous double entendre though. I remember putting up a testimonial to an much-unloved high heid yin who was leaving our place on our intranet. There was a line in it the big boss had written that went something along the lines of "So and so and so among other things has always been a p***k to the consciences of those who fail to give their all" Open goal. Naturally I sized the font so that it read at the end of a line: "So and so among other things has always been a p***k to the consciences of those who fail to give their all" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 13 hours ago, DigOutYourSoul said: I was in a meeting today with lloyds bank for 4 hours. Non stop corporate nonsense. It's like people at these big companies are actually paid to come up with shit. They are. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilostmyself Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Big projects in my work are now referred to as Epics 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 14 minutes ago, ilostmyself said: Big projects in my work are now referred to as Epics Welcome to the wonderful world of Agile Development. Hope you don't get your head kicked in in the scrum. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 1 hour ago, ilostmyself said: Big projects in my work are now referred to as Epics It is an acronym for "Engineering, Procurement, Installation & Commissioning". Basically it means "go off and do all of it and give us a call when it's done. We'll be on the golf course" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nkomo-A-Gogo Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 I started a new job recently shredding documents so it brings me in to a lot of offices. Saw through a window some guy holding a meeting doing the projector thing. " mapping reduces mental friction" Whiteboards all over the place with similar guff. This place had bean bags and mini table football games. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 2 minutes ago, Nkomo-A-Gogo said: I started a new job recently shredding documents so it brings me in to a lot of offices. Saw through a window some guy holding a meeting doing the projector thing. " mapping reduces mental friction" Whiteboards all over the place with similar guff. This place had bean bags and mini table football games. Document Shredder is a job? I thought folk just did that themselves. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The DA Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 1 hour ago, The Moonster said: Document Shredder is a job? I thought folk just did that themselves. He works for The Rangers. For now. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nkomo-A-Gogo Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Document Shredder is a job? I thought folk just did that themselves. It's called level 6 shredding. Turns the paper to confetti. Mostly sensitive documents. I might drive the truck 50 miles for 10 kilos of paper. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 9 minutes ago, Nkomo-A-Gogo said: It's called level 6 shredding. Turns the paper to confetti. Mostly sensitive documents. I might drive the truck 50 miles for 10 kilos of paper. Have you got a machine or do you tear it up in to teeny tiny bits yourself? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScarf Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 15 hours ago, Nkomo-A-Gogo said: I started a new job recently shredding documents so it brings me in to a lot of offices. Saw through a window some guy holding a meeting doing the projector thing. " mapping reduces mental friction" Whiteboards all over the place with similar guff. This place had bean bags and mini table football games. Sounds like the real life version of the LifeInvader office in Grand Theft Auto 5. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 13 hours ago, Sergeant Wilson said: Have you got a machine or do you tear it up in to teeny tiny bits yourself? You mean there is a machine that can do this stuff? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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