Addie Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I had a look at the threads on here; Prague, Berlin, Cruise Ships, Vegas...and here is my wee effort. Fuckin Pontins but here goes. Mrs Addie booked a Groupon deal for two nights in Pontins in Southport. Although we aren't really into the holiday camp thing and we are both reasonably well traveled, we have three young kids and that seemed like a nice wee treat for them. Drove down to Southport on Friday morning and although we were told we can't check in until 4pm, we could enter the park and the kids can enjoy themselves. It all seemed to be going ok, and the blue coats were pretty good, so all was well. Then we had to check in. The first thing I noticed was the 'Zero Tolerance' sign regarding abuse to staff. Now, I applaud the company for looking after the welfare of it's staff. This is important and right. However the first thing I think when I see that is 'Am I on holiday with a bunch of Neds?' I was nearly right. It was an annex of a scouse council estate. The room was fucking horrendous. The windows were dirty, the bathroom had mold, and the floor you could literally (I don't use that word out of context I might add) write your name in it. My two year old found a discarded dummy and a lolly was stuck to the back of the curtains. I didn't use the water at all. I never brushed my teeth that night as I felt gum disease was a better option over legionella's. There is a fish and chip shop there. Hygiene looked to be the lowest of the priorities. I avoided any other area that served food and afterwards. Night time we went to the bar. The Blue Coats - who were pretty good in all fairness - did some entertainment of the kids and that was going well. Then this abruptly came to an end and had to shift next door tot he huge bingo hall. All the kids had the sit quietly until the Scouse Grannies covering in shite tattoos won their lifetime voucher for Kwik Save and then the entertainment started. There was probably 500 - 1000 folk in that hall. I couldn't keep an eye on my kids on the dance floor and f**k knows what would have happened in the event of a fire. Normally I am the moaning b*****d of the relationship with my wife having to put up with me like this, but this was the other way around and I was more upbeat (believe it or not). My wife was really upset by it and gave me a taste of what she has to put up with. We didn't go there expecting The Ritz, but did expect very basic accommodation that was clean and maintained properly. The staff however were really nice. I can't say a bad thing about them (I never met the cleaner mind). We were going to complain as we left at 0830 the following day, but there was no-one to do that with as you handed your keys back in at the gate at that time. We went to Blackpool the rest of the day and paid £50 to go swimming in the massive pool that have there. We spent two hours in there and thank f**k for chlorine. I got strange looks brushing my teeth in the bathrooms there, but f**k it. Needless to say, if anyone is considering going to Pontins, I would not recommend it. Aye it was a Groupon deal and aye it's not a high end holiday, but the basics were not covered in any way whatsoever and we took the money we would have spent there elsewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Skidmarks Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Great write up, Addie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meddabhoy Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I went to pontins in Morecambe twice as a wean in 88 and 91 I think and thought it was great, always thought it would be a good holiday to go with my own kids but haven't heard a good one about any of them the last 5years or so. Defo not ever be going after this review. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Used to do those type of holidays in the late 80s and early 90s. To be honest, I wouldn't step foot in one of them now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Rational Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 There's a reason why it's a groupon deal.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 Great write up, Addie. Coincidentally, after a four hour drive last night, I decided to unwind and watch the worst moments of 90's tv on (ironically Channel 5). This was a highlight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 There's a reason why it's a groupon deal.... Sympathy only posts on my thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Skidmarks Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Coincidentally, after a four hour drive last night, I decided to unwind and watch the worst moments of 90's tv on (ironically Channel 5). This was a highlight. Baby, BABAH! Classic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dorlomin Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Did the Bangface Weekender there this year. A weekend of errr, uplifting dance type music with some electronic beats. Got a chalet that had a jiggered meter as well, so free leccy. Few of my mates got sets including at the pool party (this is not them, its Equinox). I am guessing Addie's weekend was not like this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 Did the Bangface Weekender there this year. A weekend of errr, uplifting dance type music with some electronic beats. Got a chalet that had a jiggered meter as well, so free leccy. Few of my mates got sets including at the pool party (this is not them, its Equinox). I am guessing Addie's weekend was not like this? No. Addie had to pay £5 for electric. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 You should copy that review to Tripadvisor to see if you get a response from Scouse grannies or Pontins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 What was the name of the one they had in Ayrshire? Not Pontins but something of that ilk? Edit: Wonderwest. Typically remembered seconds after hitting submit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meathead Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 What was the name of the one they had in Ayrshire? Not Pontins but something of that ilk? Edit: Wonderwest. Typically remembered seconds after hitting submit. It's still going, though it's called Craig Tara these days. It's an awful, awful place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I think I remember seeing photos of it after it closed (guess it's reopened now) and being unable to distinguish it from those of the Chernobyl fairground. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 We went there for a Monday to Friday deal last year, first week of the Scottish holidays. It wasn't too bad as all the English kids would still have been at school, and the place was swarming with Scots rather than Scousers. That said, we had many of the issues raised - windows were utterly filthy. There was some type of orange growth on the shower head that had me heading straight back to reception. Someone came and cleaned it but still...manky is the best word for it. The 'bath' was a joke - basically the set up is like sitting on a seat with your feet dipped in water. It was fine for my youngest who had just turned 4 but for an adult there was no point. And the couch bed thing was the single most uncomfortable thing invented. We did not sleep well at all that whole week and were exhausted by the end. When we went the swimming pool was closed, so we got on all the stuff in the park for free. The trampolines, 4 wheeler bikes and so on were fine for the kids. But in truth, apart from an afternoon we were out of the park most of the time. Blackpool was an hour away so we had a day at the pleasure beach. The beach in Southport is just a wee walk from Pontins and was beautiful. Southport itself was very quaint and nice. We were blessed by some magnificent weather, too. We ventured into the arcade/bar area just once. 4 drinks cost us over a tenner (beer for me, smirnoff ice for the wife and 2 colas) so we decided on buying booze and watching the world cup in our room (what a World Cup it was, too!). My neice went later in the summer, by which time the tattooed Scouse element had arrived and she hated her weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pub car king Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 You only go to pontins once! My tale was around about 6 or 7 years ago. At the time we were a young couple without kids who travelled a lot around Europe and the states but we thought we would do a cheap weekend on the south coast of England. Anyway pontins ticked the box cheap and cheerful "chalet" which we would use as a base. The location was Camber Sands for those of you not familiar it's just along the road from the place that built the Alex Salmond bonfire which tells you all you need to know about the locals. So on to the accommodation, the fact there was a used cock ring hanging from the gates should have started the alarm bells ringing but no we ventured onwards. I have never seen so many scumbags in one place and I visit prisons occasionally for work. I would have quite happily walked round with a shotgun applying the business end to each and everyone of them. The "chalets" were a bit like a council estate from the soviet era inside it was absolutely minging to the point I slept in my clothes and again would not touch the water I even pished outside behind a tree. I was all for turning round and going home there and then but oh no we were slumming it for the time being. After surviving the night I woke up and went to the shop to get some juice it wasn't long until I found myself confronted by police tape, men in white suits and a f**k load of blood on the floor. Turns out two Jeremy Kylers had gone for it at 4 in the morning. Alas that was the end of my stay we packed up and fucked off we didn't even give the key back just floored it home. It was the sort of place you would go to if you wanted to kill yourself and make the most amount of mess possible. I have never complained about accommodation anywhere I have stayed since. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 f**k that. After various foreign holidays over the past 5 years, the bairn is itching to go to Pontins or Butlins or someother such shite like that. I'll be reading her your review Addie as Im booking Portugal for next year. In fairness I did go to a resort last month in Silloth. I was expecting it to be really shite and was only going as my Out laws booked a big family holiday. Thoroughly enjoyed it though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizfit Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Last time I was at a place like this was a static caravan park at Scarborough about 13 years ago. Fancy going back to see if it's worse now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forest_Fifer Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Went to Pontins at Brean Sands in 2002 for a Marillion fan convention. Other than the bar being open for 23 hours a day, it had no redeeming features at all. Everything was dirty or closed or both. Made Butlins look like the Ritz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THE KING Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 two words that should never feature when discussing holiday options...Groupon and Pontins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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