Hedgecutter

Requiem For a Dream. Lasted half an hour before saying "it's only 9pm, let's quit this overrated p*sh and put decent on instead". The OH considered The Meg instead. The f***ing Meg. PS. Jennifer Connolly definitely improves with age.

Dog wars here. Since we've had 'Oor Bert', the next door neighbour's German Shepherd goes bezerk whenever Bert's in the garden. The latter clearly gets left out in the garden 90% of the time, the neighbours barely shut it up even if they're outside with it, and I feel bad for the other neighbours when it happens (think constant barking for 20 mins per time). But... am I not also entitled to have some garden time in peace?

Showing absolutely no interest in heading back home. "You get another one in, I've had a run and biscuits"

FWIW, neither of my parents have ever asked about my earnings/finances. One however evidently assumed I was doing fine enough when they asked me for a 'loan', which was probably the last time they phoned me unprompted (smalltalk... smalltalk... the reason I'm actually phoning... ). Somewhat sadly, no call is good news.

The unusually high volume of photos I have of disused quarries and well-hidden body-sized holes in the ground will have me added to some form of police register. Of that I have little doubt.

Snap bands. I had one that doubled as a ruler.

I see the folk on the left are also partial to a bit of schadenfreude.

Belfast is as close to Kilmarnock as it is the westernmost point of Northern Ireland. ... and every part of the Scottish mainland is closer to the northernmost part of mainland ROI than the latter is to the SW point of mainland ROI.

Because you clearly have money to afford a long-haul, and will spend more of it in the airport if you're hanging about for all that extra time. Probably.

People who refer to Portugal as being on 'the Med'. At absolutely no point is it on the Mediterranean.

My mum shut down the Kingsway in Dundee when she broke down on the (former) roundabout at the end of Forfar Rd. This was after driving out of the Shell garage having put the wrong fuel in her new car. Wasn't long after that they replaced that roundabout with the traffic lights. Coincidence?

You say this, but there are plenty of adverts inbetween programmes. Folk overlook the advertising for some BBC show because it's not commercial. They may as well replace the various shouts for Strictly with adverts for Persil imho.

I immediately thought this was the Italy rugby team still trying to work out how to set up a scrum during their Six Nations debut.

Folk on the green obscuring the view of the hole when the golf's on TV. What we need is a cameraman to shout "oi, Lowry, get oot the f***ing way".