Antlion Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Inspired by the buzz words/phrases thread. Have you ever noticed the lingo of newspapers (particularly the really cunty ones) all seems to come out of the same book of trite, simpleton-pleasing words and phrases? All children are "tots". No one has sex, they "romp". Are you a single male suspected of a sex crime? "LOCAL ODDBALL". You're a "PERVERT" and you can expect to be "CAGED". Caught trolling the Internet? Your "VILE abuse" will be printed. Aren't attractive women "stunners", and isn't it great when they show off their "assets"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlion Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 The daily record likes to suggest that 'claims are blasted'. And arguments or ideas "torpedoed". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Drink/drug fuelled An insider reports... A source close to the suspect said... Squalid flat (usually occupied by a "pervert" where he has "drug/drink fuelled romps") Sordid details Hero (usually uniformed and/or dead) Hardworking families Feckless parents (often "workshy" but with "gigantic TVs in every room") Distraught relatives Terrible tragedy (as opposed to a nice tragedy, I suppose) Staunch unionist/republican family/protestant Devout (roman catholic) Stunned neighbours Sleepy little village Close knit community Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlion Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 ^ close-knit communities are often "rocked" (which maybe sounds more fun than the papers intend). Sometimes "shockwaves" are sent through them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Underage loli are "all grown up" once middle-aged sleazy Daily Mail hacks notice that they've sprouted breasts. Bonus points when accompanied by paparazzi swimsuit pictures, usually next to an article about vile immigrant paedophiles who cause house prices to fall. Edit: bonus for Mail readers, and something that seems peculiar to their shrill fire alarm masquerading as a newspaper - the word NOW, often used in headlines to imply that the world is a shithole and they have reason to believe it's getting worse. For example, "NOW IMMIGRANT PAEDOS ALLOWED TO ABUSE ROYAL BABY", "NOW EU BAN BRITS FROM MORRIS DANCING", or "NOW CORBYN WANTS OUR BRAVE BOYS TO GANG RAPE QUEEN". No bonus points when the headline turns out to be the opposite of the truth, because it always is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Chlamydia Kid Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 When ever a tragedy occurs they'll have a photo of a boquet of flowers with a card, which simply reads "WHY?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Chlamydia Kid Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 St Johnstone fans have reacted with fury to claims the club are willing to cash in on their child prodigy Chris Kane. Saints fans' chief, Derek McDingle has lambasted club supremo Steve Brown for the rumours, "it pure pish so it is". The Perth side's gaffer Calum Davidson is also getting it in the neck after he admitted last week, that the youngster was available if the price was right.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Rangers supremo Dave King has authorised a daring swoop for St Johnstone starlet Chris Kane. The Daily Record understands that King has given Boss Mark Warburton the keys to the Ibrox war chest in a bid to snare the young hot-shot on a lucrative three year deal. St Johnstone manager Callum Davidson has blasted the claims but admits he is powerless to stop the rising star joining his boyhood heroes. Mark Hateleys view: Page 54 St Johnstone fans have reacted with fury to claims the club are willing to cash in on their child prodigy Chris Kane. Saints fans' chief, Derek McDingle has lambasted club supremo Chief Steve Brown for the rumours, "it pure pish so it is". The Perth side's manager Calum Davidson is also getting it in the neck after he admitted last week, that the youngster was available if the price was right.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Dole cheat, benefit handouts, hate preacher, war hero, basked/shivered in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Chlamydia Kid Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 I might launch a SCATHING attack upon the next poster I disagree with, I hope they can withstand such vitriolic abuse... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Broadside, pilloried, the ball's burst, off the radar, Scots lovely/songstress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlion Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Police always "swoop". "Pampered cons" in prison are always treated to "five star Christmas dinners with all the trimmings" whilst pensioners can't afford to hear their homes. Sex offenders don't attack; "beasts strike". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Police always "swoop". "Pampered cons" in prison are always treated to "five star Christmas dinners with all the trimmings" whilst pensioners can't afford to hear their homes. Sex offenders don't attack; "beasts strike". Pensioners are deaf to be fair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlion Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Pensioners are deaf to be fair. Hahaha! You're a "funnyman". But I'm sure you "wrestle with your demons" like all "top comics". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Hahaha! You're a "funnyman". But I'm sure you "wrestle with your demons" like all "top comics". I could be a reality star. Scotland's shame! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Gang war, bullet riddled, underworld source, godfather, drug Lord. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Muslim terror. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlion Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Gang war, bullet riddled, underworld source, godfather, drug Lord. All petty neds tend to be "gangsters" or "underworld figures". When The Scheme was all over the tabloids, they were unable to refer to the location as anything other than "Kilmarnock's tough Onthank estate". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Chlamydia Kid Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Twitter troll in a hate filled rant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlion Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Twitter troll in a hate filled rant. Good one; you must be a "boffin". People are never questioned, they're "quizzed". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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