Ally McCoist Stories

[Rab B Nesbit]

11 hours ago, Barry Ferguson's Hat said:

My sister once had a rather disturbing encounter with Ally McCoist (steady). 

She's been a chiropractor for a number of years now, but not long after she started seeing her own patients she noticed that she had an appointment scheduled with a certain 'Alistair McCoist'. 

She's not into football, but was aware of who he was and was a little surprised when it turned out to be the Alistair McCoist. 

It was a fairly straightforward appointment, but as part of the treatment my sister had to check that both legs were of an equal length (sounds ridiculous to me, but apparently its not uncommon for one to be shorter than the other). 

For this part my sister generally lets patients keep their shoes on so long as the soles are fairly flat. The relatively flat soles can help in identifying any discrepancies in the length of the legs.

In this case, however, one of Ally's shoes was absolutely caked in dog shite. Not a thin spread either, quite a thick coating and still reasonably moist.

Absolutely disgusted, but managing to be as professional as possible, my sister asked Ally to remove his shoes so she could perform the treatment. 

Off came the shoes, but now it was apparent that his sock on the same foot was also absolutely covered in shite. Not even just around the ankles either, as if he'd stood on a shite and it had squelched upwards, but all over the heel and arch. 

It was as if he'd stood on a shite in socks, managed not to notice then put on his shoes and stood on the same shite. 

Utterly appalled, my sister sped through the rest of the appointment and got him the f**k out of there. 

Shocking breach of patient confidentiality. 

[shahid khan]

16 hours ago, Edmond Dantès said:

I met Ally McCoist at a charity do once. He was surprisingly down to earth and VERY funny.

Is he deid? 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

1 minute ago, shahid khan said:

Is he deid? 

 No. But his team are.

[7-2]

13 hours ago, Barry Ferguson's Hat said:

My sister once had a rather disturbing encounter with Ally McCoist (steady). 

She's been a chiropractor for a number of years now, but not long after she started seeing her own patients she noticed that she had an appointment scheduled with a certain 'Alistair McCoist'. 

She's not into football, but was aware of who he was and was a little surprised when it turned out to be the Alistair McCoist. 

It was a fairly straightforward appointment, but as part of the treatment my sister had to check that both legs were of an equal length (sounds ridiculous to me, but apparently its not uncommon for one to be shorter than the other). 

For this part my sister generally lets patients keep their shoes on so long as the soles are fairly flat. The relatively flat soles can help in identifying any discrepancies in the length of the legs.

In this case, however, one of Ally's shoes was absolutely caked in dog shite. Not a thin spread either, quite a thick coating and still reasonably moist.

Absolutely disgusted, but managing to be as professional as possible, my sister asked Ally to remove his shoes so she could perform the treatment. 

Off came the shoes, but now it was apparent that his sock on the same foot was also absolutely covered in shite. Not even just around the ankles either, as if he'd stood on a shite and it had squelched upwards, but all over the heel and arch. 

It was as if he'd stood on a shite in socks, managed not to notice then put on his shoes and stood on the same shite. 

Utterly appalled, my sister sped through the rest of the appointment and got him the f**k out of there. 

Your fantasies seem to be based on human excrement. 

7 hours ago, ah-dee said:

i heard that at his peak in the 90s mr McCoist was a massive coke head. was in a taxi one night going home from a do with alan McLaren snorting lines in the back seat. this is what i was told by the taxi driver who i know and isnt a gobshite. seems far fetched but he swears its true. i also met mccoist in a pub toilet in montrose just after they were punted the new club was fast tracked into the seaside leagues. he took it well when i, wih great glee, reminded him they were fucked!

That's better.

[AsimButtHitsASix]

It's well known that Mr. McCoist enjoys a few shandies at the Pullman in Kilmacolm from time to time and my pal worked there and he would often come in, have a few, be friendly and gregarious and was a decent tipper but, one night, he was very maudlin (he was on the sherry) and confided to ma pal that he wanted to cease existing. He didn't say he wanted to die, or that he was depressed, but just that he wanted to erased out of existence to "experience matter" in an otherworldly state of permanent limbo and purgatory. Ma pal asked him how he would manage it and he said "if ye give me a free Goldschlager I'll show you."

Intrigued my pal pours him a cheeky shot and he downs it and then climbs up onto the bar and jumps toward a small crack in the ceiling. As he got closer his corporeal form liquefied into a sort of ectoplasmic blob and slid through the crack in the ceiling. She was, clearly, astounded and said to another person at the bar, happened to be Miodrag Krivokapic, "Did you see that?". Miodrag, however, was raised in Communist Yugoslavia and knew when to keep his fool mouth shut. Ten minutes later she's trying to pour a Guinness but the barrel needs changed. When she goes down to do so Ally McCoist's liquefied state sithered out the end of the hose when she takes it aff the cask.

Standing, naked, in the beer cellar with an "other worldly glow" Ally asks if she can throw him a Tennent's Lager "super chilled" t-shirt from the promotional pack he's spotted in the corner under a pile of unused Guinness hats from St. Paddy's day and wanders off with his wee bare arse glistening from the ectoplasmic sheen that still coated his body.

Five days later he signed Kevin Kyle

[Jacksgranda]

On ‎15‎/‎09‎/‎2018 at 01:54, ah-dee said:

i heard that at his peak in the 90s mr McCoist was a massive coke head. was in a taxi one night going home from a do with alan McLaren snorting lines in the back seat. this is what i was told by the taxi driver who i know and isnt a gobshite. seems far fetched but he swears its true. i also met mccoist in a pub toilet in montrose just after they were punted to the seaside leagues. he took it well when i, wih great glee, reminded him they were fucked!

Was this by prior arrangement?

[Glasgowwarror]

Highly doubt the drug stories owing to his place in the public spotlight, however think he’d be a good laugh over a few pints. Was a regular up in the Aviemore area. 
 

im also right in believing Ally is a fan of the odd cigar, did he not mention this on radio. Not so clean living. Don’t think he was ever a cigarette smoker though. 

[invergowrie arab]

39 minutes ago, Glasgowwarror said:

Highly doubt the drug stories owing to his place in the public spotlight 

Aye when you think about it's not very likely a public figure would do drugs 

[Lurkst]

Thanks for bumping this thread and reminding me of the chiropractor story