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Conquering Scotland


AsimButtHitsASix

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Season 24: Clackmannan Community FC (3rd Season)

East of Scotland Premier League


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All but wrapped up promotion to the Lowland League. If I lose the next two games it might get interesting and my team is running on fumes. Been a long season with a small squad. I sat 9th, closer in points to the relegation spots than promotion, after a quarter but then we started taking our chances and won 15 in a row. Got a ten point gap at the top and looked set. Too many draws, tired legs, suspension and injuries and Bo'ness reeled me in to five points but they've shat the bed a bit now as well. 

Scottish Cup

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Good to see some old faces again. They're about to win the 1st Division and get back to the Premier League and we were never gonna beat them. Annoying at getting next to money from the cup this year. Ach well

East of Scotland Cup

Never appeared this season.

The Quaich

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Good run. Didn't quite turn up v Clach, one of the better Highland sides, straightforward apart from that with the exception of Maryhill absolutely FMing us with a 94th minute equaliser which was their only shot of the game. 

Clackmannanshire Cup

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Absolute Wemyss Bay/Morton patter again. We can't match Alloa but we can hold them at arm's length and hope for some good luck. Everyone else in this wee council area is unimportant. We'll be at least one division against the rest of them next season most likely. Look at that attendance for the final tho'! That was a good £100k and it seems 30%+ of the population of Clackmannanshire came to East End Park for the day out...

The Run In...

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Dunno why we weren't playing on the Saturday. Anyway they won.

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Three goals in injury time? Maybe we're not as knackered as we thought.

Home v Bo'ness. A point needed to win the league. 

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Well we rode our luck there. They were swarming over us after their equaliser. They missed an absolute sitter that will haunt their nightmares for years to come.

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Season 25: Clackmannan Community FC (4th Season)

Highland League

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A lot of travel this year up the A9 and A90 and... I dunno... other roads? this year as a club a good 20 miles south of the Tay Bridge is forced into the Highland League. Shameful. Not that it's stopped us. Looking at the results it looks decent but I feel like I should be further away from Clach. Big game v them at home coming up. Win that and it's in the bag. Been a good year.

Scottish Cup

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Very lucky to get as far as we have considering how shite we were against the podcasters and East End. East End, especially, cows arses left entirely free of banjo marks then we followed it up by absolutely humping 2nd division Elgin. We were not unlucky v Morton. Could have been three or four down by halftime and our goal was a worldy and our only shot on target. Morton are now in the final so I'm glad we lost.

Highland/Lowland Cup

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We've been scoring for fun but those two games early doors v Brechin we could played for years without scoring. Weirdly enough we've spanked them in league. Ach well, shite cup anyway.

The Quaich

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Two leagues below us. Shameful performances home and away. Deserved nothing.

Clackmannanshire Cup

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Made this hard work. Played a lot of squad players v Dollar Glen and shat the bed in the second half and were clinging on to a game we should have put out of site. Played the first team v Sauchie and were completely outplayed. Still don't know how we scraped the draw to get it to penalties. Three of our best players got injured the week before the Alloa game. One was fit enough for the bench but the other two sat it out and we were absolutely ripped apart. Our goal was a belter mind you.

Run in...

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Wins for each of us. A win gives us the league . A draw doesn't do it mathematically but pretty much there. A win and it's still in our hands...

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Clackmannanshire gets two teams in the SPFL. About fucking time to.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Season 26: Clackmannan Communtiy FC (5th Season)

Third Division



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I hated this season. We went on a great run at the start but then were good without ever pulling too far ahead to think we were amazing but also promotion was never in doubt. Just a boring slog.

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Aye... simple enough with three games left we wrapped it up. 

Scottish Cup

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The Lothian team were easily enoug skelped. Nice draw against my old team, who have sunk to the depth of the WoSFL after I got them to the 1st division, and a turgid game ended in a fair draw before we over-powered them at home. Berwick are the league above us and outplayed us in both games but, despite not deserving to take to it to pens, losing a goal in the 210th minute of the tie was a sore yin.

Challenge Cup

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Despite the scoreline our performances against Berwick were much better in this competition. I hate this cup tho'. Onto the main one. The Clackmannanshire Cup. I got a good feeling this year as we reach closer to Alloa...

Clackmannanshire Cup

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The most embarassing result in this game by far. EOSFL 1st division St. Serf's absolutely deserved this win. They kept me at arms length the entire game and scored the only two good chances they made. That was still two good chances more than I made. Humiliating. 

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Season 26: Clackmannan Community FC (6th season)

Scottish 2nd Division



Second Division

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A poor start (no wins in the first five) before smashing out a great run of wins and then, just after January, we went six without a win... so we really do go through good runs and bad runs. At the moment we've now won a couple in a row so, hopefully, we can continue that. Now I know it looks like we have a bit of an easier run in than some of our rivals but, generally, it's teams at the bottom end of the division we keep drawing with. Four points behind but I think automatic promotion is still on.

Scottish Cup

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Played shite against Downfield but, them aside, good performances against teams who are all non-league. Caley Thistle got promoted from the 2nd division last year and are sitting in the relegation play offs in the league above. An away game was always gonna be tricky but we just couldnae defend. Bit of a shite ending to be honest.

Challenge Cup

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Comfortable until the semi final. Arbroath spanked us 4-0 away in the early stages of the league so when they went 3-0 up by halftime in the first leg I thought we were done for. An undeserved consolation gave us hope but they equalised immediately after our 4th minute goal. We smashed them tho' and were unlucky that it went to penalties at all. After such a smashing semi-final the final was a walkover.

Clackmannanshire Cup

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I've said before our best chance would be to take on Alloa outside the final. This wasn't the case. They hammered us in the first half and we were lucky to go in 3-1 down. A better 2nd half gave us some hope but they always had us at arms length...

Run in...

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Well that injury time equaliser was a kick in the baws but us winning would have been unfair. Kelty were by far the better team. 

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We had the early kick off today and smashed it. Good. We need to pump up our goal difference...

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Despite the result that was jammy. Bressay were the better team before the sending off and were very unlucky not to equalise after the sending off. A goal on the break then an injury time one for cheek flatters us. Bonnyrigg shiting the bed puts us ahead of Kelty but we have Milngavie next. I think it's away? Let's do it...

Half time...

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Not a single shot so far from Mulgay but we've not created any clear cut chances despite hitting the woodwork a couple of times. Bonnyrigg shiting the bed v Berwick is looking good but doubt Dalkeith will keep a clean sheet v Kelty. We need a goal...

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65th minute this wee Moldovan lad comes off the bench and dinks it over the keeper just as Berwick go 4 v 1 up against Bonnyrigg Rose. Still 0-0 in the Kelty game...

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And that's how it finished. Hope Milngavie come up with us because I've already nicked their best player on a Bosman.

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  • 1 month later...

This has been absolutely patched btw. Two seasons in with Clackmannan it's quite obvious each team follows the same routine as it did with Wemyss Bay/Banks O'Dee... get up to a decent level, which is a monotonous experience, to hope for a good year in one cup. This was a decent idea but the actual game to play was honking. Woulda been more fun if I never made it a new winner each time.

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