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Conquering Scotland


AsimButtHitsASix

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With apologies to @oneteaminglasgow for nicking his thread title and apologies to everyone else for spamming this with two stories in the one year. I'll go back to San Marino but I made this set up in Scotland, which you can read up for details if you want but the long and short of it is there are at least 8 teams from every council region in Scotland and they all have their own cup. I'm gonna win all 32 and, to make it harder (and steal oneteam's idea again), will make sure winner is a first time winner. Will give myself ten seasons at each club.

But I'll just do one update a season. 

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I will start with no badges and Sunday league experience and let the computer randomly assign a club that doesn't have an in game manager

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Season One: Wemyss Bay

West of Scotland 5th Division

 

 

 


Wemyss Bay - Wikipedia

So we're onto Inverclyde, the Clyde Riviera, and home of Scotland's finest football team. There are eight clubs in Inverclyde. These are:
Greenock Morton 
Greenock Juniors 
Port Glasgow Juniors 

I had to create five teams in game. I created one, real life, amateur team
Gourock Athletic 
And had to make four teams up from scratch. These were:
Quarrier's (Quarrier's Village)
Wemyss Bay
Inverclyde
(Kilmacolm)
Inverkip 

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West of Scotland Fifth Division (11th and bottom tier)

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Romped. Unbeaten season and strolled it.

 

Scottish Cup

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Fantastic results against Hurlford and East Craigie, snatched a jammy draw away to Whitletts and took Irvine Meadow to a replay. As you can see those games came thick and fast so my players started tiring in February/March. Maybe a fully fit team could have taken Medda. We'll never know

The Quaich

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I mean, decent, but 3-0 v Preston Athletic at home seems harsh to me.

West of Scotland Cup

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What a run. With the possible exception of Finnart those were all "proper" Junior teams. Even if Royal Albert are the lower end of it. Caley Braves were a step too far in the final and, again, my team was absolutely fucked by then. But, as fun as all these were, the Inverclyde Cup is the main game...

Inverclyde Cup

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They got 3 with 0.9xG and I ended up with 2.6xG but means f**k all if you can't defend. We had a regen keeper with 2 grey stars in goal all season and it really bit us on the arse in this game. Always next year.
 

Edited by AsimButtHitsASix
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Season Two - Wemyss Bay

West of Scotland 4th Division

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Nae point waiting for the end of the season. Milngavie just drew so can't catch up. We've won. I knew I would. A month back we went three games without a win and Oban were six points behind us (we had two games in hand) and we went 7-0 up at halftime. Absolutely strolled.

Scottish Cup

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I expected to win the first two games. I thought Stirling Uni would be a step too far, especailly away from home, they smashed the EoS Premier last year and are top of the Lowland this year but 2-1 flattered them. Stonehaven were swatted away and then I figured we'd lose to Clyde. Early free kick and then backs to the wall stuff for the rest of the half then a cheeky breakaway to go 2-0 up. We missed a penalty early in the 2nd half but, even after Clyde scored, we never really looked like losing and were the better team in the 2nd half. Caley Thistle are 6th in the Prem and after an early goal there was f**k all for the rest of the 1st half. We went down to ten men in the 50th minute and they slowly picked us apart. They would have beat us with 12 men but what a wee run. 45 minutes away from the quarter finals.

Scottish Quaich

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Shite.

West of Scotland Cup

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Absolutely fucked this. With other important games coming up I rested a bunch of players for that 2nd leg v Muirkirk thinking a 3-0 away win would be enough. It wasn't. Muirkirk went onto win it.

Inverclyde Cup

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They were far better than us. Such is life.

I didnae want to get into the signings in this save but we're still amateur and lost some amazing players in January. Would it have been enough to beat Caley Thistle/Morton? Probably not but every one of these players was a first team player and I had to bring up a bunch of teenagers from the reserves to finish the season. Penman was especially gutting. He's easily a 1st division quality player and, by then, I thought I was keeping him for at least the rest of the season.

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Edited by AsimButtHitsASix
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On 18/12/2021 at 13:46, AsimButtHitsASix said:

Scottish Cup

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I expected to win the first two games. I thought Stirling Uni would be a step too far, especailly away from home, they smashed the EoS Premier last year and are top of the Lowland this year but 2-1 flattered them. Stonehaven were swatted away and then I figured we'd lose to Clyde. Early free kick and then backs to the wall stuff for the rest of the half then a cheeky breakaway to go 2-0 up. We missed a penalty early in the 2nd half but, even after Clyde scored, we never really looked like losing and were the better team in the 2nd half. Caley Thistle are 6th in the Prem and after an early goal there was f**k all for the rest of the 1st half. We went down to ten men in the 50th minute and they slowly picked us apart. They would have beat us with 12 men but what a wee run. 45 minutes away from the quarter finals.
 

After getting fucked out cups IRL off Broomhill and Clydebank this season I come on here to read this 😂😂

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Season 3 - Wemyss Bay

West of Scotland Third Division



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Despite coming up against teams who are actually in game without me needing to add them (even if they are at the diddy end of the West of Scotland League in real life) we, once again, romped this. Romp. The only fucking word for it. Still got four games to play. Don't care. Romped.

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Just a wee aside. I never made a single signing this year. We went semi-pro at the end of the second season and I really don't trust the wage budget FM gives ye. I decided to only offer contracts to my current lot whenever another club came for them, which meant losing a coupla players, but the squad I finished with last season mostly signed up again. There was huge turnover two years running so just wanted something settled. So my team is weaker than last season but a lot more gelled. Now hoping to just sprinkle some quality amongst it next year. If I'm still here...

Scottish Cup

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Aye fair fucks. Falkirk were top of the 1st division at this point. Brought it back to 2-1 but as I pushed for an equaliser they picked me off. 5-1 didn't flatter them. 

The Quaich

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After beating some wee team from Cumbernauld last year the big team from "What's it called?" gave me a doing. Outplayed me entirely. No idea why. One of those days I guess. The board were not happy.

West of Scotland Cup

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And they were fucking raging after this. Pretty standard victories leading up to the home game v Forth. Despite winning 2-0 was a very even game and I wish I could say the same about the 2nd match but was outplayed. But, after two years, and still not a single win to my name, how did we do in the main competition?

Inverclyde Cup

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Tory Inverclyde was despatched with ease. This left Morton in the final. They're chasing promotion in the 1st Division but have been fannying about midtable there the whole game so far. They still have Gus McPherson and Robbie Muirhead for f**k's sake.

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Spanked. 2-0 flattered us immensely. Berry had a stormer in goal. We hit the post midway through the 2nd half but barely got out the half. Morton played a second XI with two or three first teamers sprinkled around were still miles ahead of us. We could be stuck here for a while. On the other hand, despite them being a far superior team. we were the width of a lick of paint away from possibly taking this straight to penalties. 

Edited by AsimButtHitsASix
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Season 4 - Wemyss Bay

West of Scotland 2nd Division


 

Another romp...

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Scottish Cup

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A few diddy teams then up against 3rd division Clach away from home. We had ten players unavailable and had to call up eight players from the reserves. Had a left back in centre mid and an AMC at centre back. 2-0 down at half time in a fairly even game. Just went more attacking in the 2nd half and somehow it all clicked. Second division East Fife game was very even but they took advantage of a tiring team and were turning the screw toward the end and an 88th minute winner for them wasn't hugely unfair.

The Quaich

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I honestly think if it wasn't for those replays we would have, at least, got a draw v East Fife in the Scottish. But they were so fucking energy sapping and caused a number of injuries and suspensions. 

West of Scotland Cup

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WoSFL Premier side Port Glesga won this one: cementing their place as Inverclyde's second team against us young pretenders. Two even games I would suggest we just about shaded but naw fussed. 

Inverclyde Cup

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I've now got to the stage that games against half the other teams in Inverclyde I can play the weans and this was the case here (although it took some grown ups coming off the bench to seal the win). Another 2-0 defeat against Morton but a far better performance

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Morton's AMC came 11th in the NextGen 50 best players under 18. Our DMC was signed after being released by Inverkeithing Hillfield Swifts.

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Season 5 - Wemyss Bay

West of Scotland 1st Division



What's one less than a romp?

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Every year, apart from the first season, the board has wanted me to win the league and every year I've managed it. Next year they expect promotion play offs. Looking at the league above there is one professional team in it (Campbeltown) but it's still all semi-pro so I reckon I got a decent chance of promotion next year as well but the years of going near unbeaten all season are probably over.

Scottish Cup

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Surprisingly easy win v Banks O'Dee and then nearly fucked it against Lochore by playing a reserve side trying to keep folk fresh. That back fired big time. Benbecula away I would usually play reserves but learnt ma lesson last time. Bo'ness twice had goals chopped off in the 80th minute(ish) which looked fine to me at the time. After 9 penalties a piece we finally snuck through to play Ayr at home. Outplayed by Ayr despite taking the lead and they picked me off with a goal either side of halftime. We woulda had Sevco at home in the next round as well.

The Quaich

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Much like the Lochore game I thought playing squad players would be enough to beat Golspie at home but I was dreadfully wrong. To be fair I was already doing well in the West of Scotland Cup and had the Inverclyde Cup coming up so wasn't all that fussed if this was the end for me in this competition. Still got tore into them afterwards.

West of Scotland Cup

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Absolutely no dramas here. Pleasing to win this competition finally. Nice wee day out at Hampden as well.

Inverclyde Cup

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As a real life Morton fan I already, obviously, hate Morton but, in game, I hate them even more. 3-0 flattered them but any result other than a Morton win would have been unfair. It's gonna be really hard to get my team good enough to beat them while I'm still part-time and them collecting £1,000,000 a year for winning this isn't making that easier. But it only takes one good game for me or one bad game for them. They beat Greenock Juniors 11-0 in the final. 

Edited by AsimButtHitsASix
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Wemyss Bay - Season Six

West of Scotland Premier League

Remember how I said I thought I'd really be stepping up a level this year? After ten played I was unbeaten but had four draws and appeared to be in a bit of a battle for the title. I then won the next nineteen games.

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R - O - M - P - E - C - T - Find out what it means to me. Still got eight games left but possibly going a season unbeaten. That'll be nice.

Scottish Cup

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Now since I went semi-pro I've been slowly eating into the Scottish Cup prize money from the first two seasons and the week before that Annan game we went into the red. So playing away against a league club in the first round coulda had a knock on effect financially but, luckily, we edged it. Cove have been in the Premier League a coupla year ago and are a mid table 1st Division side and we absolutely smashed them. Gives me loads of hope for the Inverclyde Cup coming up. Bottom of the Premier League Falkirk were far better than us.

The Quaich

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Clydebank and Berwick are in the Lowland League. Everyone else was Tier 6 or below. Looks like there might be a bit of a jump into the Lowland League. We'll find out next year I guess. Genuinely thought I was winning it this year.

West of Scotland Cup

Didnae happen. Just... never appeared. Now I have made the divisions in the game flexible so the cup was originally set up with 89 teams but, due to the leagues shifting, there are now 93 teams in the West of Scotland. I guess it just... omits teams to make it work? Ach well. We won't be playing in it anymore after promotion. At least we won it.

Inverclyde Cup

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Usual swatting aside of the jobber Inverclyde teams then Morton in the semi. They're on a par with Cove, who we smashed in Aberdeen, and we had a very even first half. They took the lead, we equalised, then they just took their second half chances and we never. We're getting closer although sometimes I think we'll beat Morton in the league before we beat them in this fucking cup.

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Wemyss Bay - Season Seven

Lowland League

f**k. Am I still here?

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With games in hand I should win this league but thankfully the word romp has been retired. This has been a bit of a slog compared to other years. We'll come back to this at the end.

Scottish Cup

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Entirely outplayed. Morton got promoted last year and have moved up a gear or two. b*****ds.

The Quaich

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If we get promoted this year it means we've lost our chance of winning this cup and we've definitely had chances. Knocked out against teams we should be beating too often and this year was no different. Innes Cameron missing an 82nd minute penalty to equalise was a right b*****d.

Highland/Lowland League Cup

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Pretty straightforward til the final where we absolutely shat the bed and let mid table Berwick beat us in an important cup game two years running. Arseholes. Smelly English arseholes.

Inverclyde Cup

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Well we all knew that was coming. 

How did the league finish tho?

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Well that win in the re-arranged fixture should all but seal it. 

We had another fixture to catch up on

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Which means that it's not mathematically certain but with our goal difference we have all but won the league 

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Edited by AsimButtHitsASix
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Wemyss Bay - Season Eight

Third Division

I did not think I would still be kicking about this long here. Anyway and, perhaps surprisingly, we are chasing the title

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Four games to go. We should be winning it from here. 

Scottish Cup

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A surprising draw against a diddy side from Paisley to kick it off. Then a fairly straightforward win against Caley Braves, we were 1st and 2nd in the league at the time, then absolutely smashed by Motherwell.

Challenge Cup

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Just a bit shite against a similarly quality side. Going out on pens due to a late "equaliser" after playing well in the second leg.

Inverclyde Cup

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Reserves kept the diddy sides at arms length in straightforward wins but we were 2-0 down after ten minutes and then they scored another two in first half injury time. Just a whole fucking level above us. It's maddening that we've had great performances against similar sized teams but, even when we play well v Morton, they just keep winning. Not that we played well here. We were shite. Getting beat in the final made a nice change I guess. Decent crowd.

Run in...

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Hammered East Stirling. Fraserburgh playing tomorrow. Albion Rovers can technically still catch us but they bottled it at home to Gala. We have Strollers next week where a win would wrap it up

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Boring draw. Win in either of the last two games seals it. Only Strollers and the Broch can catch me now.

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Only managed a draw but, then again, so did everyone else. Unless Morton win in the play offs we'll be a division below them next year. And they'll still beat us.

 

Edited by AsimButtHitsASix
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Wemyss Bay - Season Nine

Second Division

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I was six points clear and unbeaten after fifteen games. Just constant draws since then it seems... Anyway four games to go and almost guaranteed a play off place at worse when the club was expecting a relegation play off position. I reckon seven points will be enough to guarantee promotion.

Scottish Cup

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Five-nil flattered AWR but, then again, 3-0 flattered us in the 2nd round. There as a lot of flattery, but not a lot of games, in the Scottish Cup for us this year

Challenge Cup

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A good first leg v Albion Rovers kept us sweet before more shitebaggery against Spartans meant penalties were required. Civil Service were lucky to score none in that first leg but nae hassles in the second. Both matches v East Fife were complete non-events but we held our nerve in the shoot out. Ayr have made the 2nd division after back to back relegations from the Premier League but, aside from a nervy last ten, we were fairly comfortable at Hampden.

Inverclyde Cup

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FUCKING YASS! We've played better against Morton and lost but not today. I had a feeling a while ago our best chance of beating them would be the first round and so it was. They're a Premier League team as well which makes it all the sweeter. Now two games v diddy teams to ensure we don't balls it up...

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Run in...
 

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Ayr got a victory the day before v Stenhousemuir to keep them in the hunt. Clyde drop points and, despite a win, I think we can say Gala are out of the reckoning. 

But we'll never know if I would have got a ninth promotion in a row because...

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Edited by AsimButtHitsASix
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Season Nine: Hamnavoe

The pleasures of local exploring: West Burra | Shetland.org

Now, with the island groups, I realised Orkney FC were already in the North Caley and Shetland and Lewis and Harris are already in the game too. So I kept that as the main team with the seven other clubs I need to make all affiliated to the main club and had a "one club per island" rule. So, here I am, in Shetland, in West Burra (population 17). The eight Shetland clubs are...

Already in game...
Shetland (Mainland)
Real life amateur team I had to create...
Whalsay
Clubs I had to make up.
Bressay
Cutts (Trondra)
Hamnavoe (West Burra)
Ønst (Unst)
St Magnus Bay (Muckle Roe)
Yell

I wont bother with the cup competitions as we are already out of all them. But let's look at the North Caledonian Second Division (8th tier)

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Decent chance of play offs. How did the table look after the final day?

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Final day of the season we shat it. After winning my first two games everything went right for us and we just needed one goal to win the league. Ach well. Play offs it is. Also what the f**k happened in that Lyness game?

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Pretty straightforward in the end. Had an xG of over 4 in the final.

In the 2nd division?

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Wemyss Bay are in the 1st Division. Amazing.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Season 10: Hamnavoe (Season 1)

North Caledonian League First Division



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Bernera, lovely wee island, gorgeous beach and five time winners of the Western Isles Cup. That has earnt them £5,000,000 in prize money are are fully professional and unbeaten. Won the North Caley Cup as well. But still behind us. Haha. Get it roon ye. We just drew 1-1 with them away from home. 

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We'll come back to this later. If I do go up that makes it 11 promotions in 10 seasons.

Scottish Cup

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A sell out at home to Queen of the South who are chasing promotion to the Premier League. 2-0 down to Kevin Nesbit after five minutes thought we were on for a hiding then a shitey passback and goalkeeping howler let us go in evens at the break. Then they go a man sent off and we were all over them but couldn't find a goal. I switched tactics to use the wings a bit more and it backfired and they were all over us toward the end. Kevin Nisbet got his hatrick in the last ten minutes and we couldn't get the equaliser. 

The Quiach

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There's a big gap between us and Gretna so this wasn't surprising. xG was about the same but it felt like Gretna always had us at arm's length.

North Caley Cup

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Funnily enough the two best performances we had in this cup were against Golspie but we fucked it in that first leg. Anyway. This is all fluff. Shetland Cup's the game. 

Shetland Cup

Bressay have won it a few times so are fully professional and fighting relegation from the Highland League. Everyone else is in various levels of the North Caledonian League. We have a good chance to make this a one and done season.

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Or we could absolutely shite the bed against a team in the bottom half of the division below us.

Seriously. We are really bad. Even the WoSFL 5th Division version of Wemyss Bay would spank this lot. I've signed a couple of guys, who play every week, who I had as back up players for that first season Wemyss Bay team. Wemyss Bay, and the other two promoted teams, all finished in the bottom three of the first division by the way.

Run in

Bernera played the day before and won 1-0. 

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Was 5-1 up at one point and annoyed to lose those two goals as goal difference could be handy.

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Bernera's week aff. One win should be enough from here.

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Well we fucked that and, not only did we f**k it, Bernera smashed it. Need a big win in the final game or Bernera to shite it.

Final Day

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Yass. Get in An Gearasdan!

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Everything's coming up Millhouse.. 25 mins in

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2-0 up. Cruising... let's hope The Fort hold out.

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Or go one better!

So. Half time. We're 2-0 up. The Fort are...

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Shitebags.

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Aww get tae f**k.

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3-0 up! Puts us equal top on points and goal difference. No idea about goals scored.

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Fucking shinty playing b*****ds. Back to 2nd place with three minutes to go.

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That was a genuine wonder goal. Our own box, four touches, counter attacking excellence and a stunning finish from the edge of the box... Can we hold out? Can Fort William?

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Won it on goals scored in the end. What a wonderful last three minutes. I'm away for a shite.

Edited by AsimButtHitsASix
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At the ten year mark here's a wee recap. I never got into the players I signed, etc. during my Wemyss Bay run so here's a handful that were with me for almost all of that run from the 11th tier to the 2nd.

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Some of these guys, like Offord and Andrew, were hardly regular starters, or were for a season or two depending who was available. The best players usually only lasted a season or two before bigger teams picked 'em off. Ryan Armstrong is the exception who was almost always a first choice player in a number of positions. McConnell was the only one to stay with the club for the full run but spent one of the years away out on loan. Speaking of the best players only last a season, however,

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Signed this lad absolutely blind when I saw he had caps for St. Lucia at the age of 16. Contract negotiations  said he wanted to be considered a star player and I thought "f**k it. Let's try it" and he joined us on trial until he could be signed at 18. Instantly he was a five star player. He got his debut when he turnt 18 on the final game of the season in the WoSFL Premier. He refused to sign a new contract due to his contract just starting and, by the time he got over that, every single SPL team was interested and he refused to sign. Sold him to Celtic as they offered a sell on fee % and a loan back and, before ye know it, he's away to PSG. Naw bad for a wee toon where ye get the ferry to Rothesay.

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Any other screen grabs ye want let me know

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Bit of a difficult one to say because, when I've done these sorta Scottish pyramids in the past, there is almost no movement between current SPFL/non-league teams. Like, aye, Cowdenbeath might get relegated but will always come back up eventually, etc. Clubs plummeting down takes decades. So I used this to rank the teams rather than league position to instigate something a bit more exciting. Having said that...

Annan are the only current SPFL team not in the SPFL in game.

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Sitting above Annan in the SPFL now: Orkney, Wemyss Bay, Kilwinning Rangers, Auchinleck Talbot, Hill of Beath Hawthorn, Darvel, Campbeltown, and Lothian Thistle Hutchison Vale. 

Arbroath started in the SPL and are now freshly relegated to the 2nd Division with Wemyss Bay and meeting freshly promoted Orkney

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Ross County are the only real life Premiership club outwith the SPL in game

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Edited by AsimButtHitsASix
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2 hours ago, AsimButtHitsASix said:

Annan are the only current SPFL team not in the SPFL in game.

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Annan, always underrated. I think 8th is the highest anyone had them predicted to finish in the real L2 this season, and here they are predicted, and failing, to come eighth in the Lowland League in a fantastically inflated set up - great work on that by the way,  and fair play to Orkney!

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Season 11: Hamnavoe (Season 2)

North Caledonian League 

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As you can see it's right at the top. Bernera being full time might just be enough for them to keep their noses in front. Get f**k all for 2nd in this league as well. Still three games to go and they aren't as unbeatable as they seemed last year when I finished ahead of them.

Scottish Cup

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A cracking wee run and some well needed cash for the club. We were 3-0 down going on 10-0 at half time v Dundee United so went all out attack for the 2nd half because I had f**k all to lose. Finished 5-2 but the second half alone could have been 6-6 or something. Both keepers ended up with ratings over 8. Great stuff.

The Quaich

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A complete non-event. Next.

North Caledonian Cup

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Even worse. Next.

The Shetland Cup

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Yass! Thought we fucked it a coupla times here but held firm. Bressay, the only professional team in Shetland and top of the North Region Superleague, were surprisingly papped out in the first round, made it a lot easier for us. Now I'll apply for other jobs but let's see if I can get Hamnavoe promoted before then...

The run in...

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Well 2nd place is confirmed but we kinda need Bernera to lose one of the final two games...

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Fit like min?

[/spoiler]

Edited by AsimButtHitsASix
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Season 11: Banks O' Dee

Coronavirus: Partial lifting of Aberdeen lockdown restrictions - BBC News

I take over a club that is about to finish bottom of the Highland League. A good ten points away from 15th so no need to go over the last coupla games of this season. But, still, the 3rd best team within Aberdeen City Limits. Aberdeen's one of places I never had to create anyone so the teams I'll be up against are...

Aberdeen
Cove Rangers
Culter
Dyce Juniors
Hermes
Bridge of Don Thistle
East End
Hall Russell United
Stoneywood Parkvale
Sunnybank
Aberdeen Universtiy
Glentanar

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