An Sionnach
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Posts posted by An Sionnach
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You got your tickets yet Declan?
Still not got mine. Shiting myself slightly.
How can you shite yourself 'slightly'?!
Is that like a serious skid-mark or just a really wet fart?! 
I've been asked out by a girlie on 12th December to the SECC to see Madness!
Which is only fair, seeing as I bought Mrs Kilt the tickets for her birthday in September!
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Although you can't deny that there are cheats in the system. I worked in a Post Office and paid out disability benefit to lots of people who were also working on the side and - in one extreme case - even playing in a Junior Cup final.
There is such a thing as mental disabiltiy!
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#1 Cold callers:
Last night, me, cooking my chilli and listening to The Archers....
Ruth, what's wrong?
Oh, David...I'm so sorry..
What....you mean you've been seeing someone else...? Who?..it's not...
Aww no...
...Sam? NO! It can't be...tell me it's not true...
Offstage the phone rings.
Me (annoyed): Yes, hello.
Caller: Hello. Can I speak to the householder.
Me (desparate to get back to The Archers and my chilli before it burns): Yes, what?
Caller: I'm Angela from Weathershield. Can I talk to you about our new offers for...
Me (incandescant with rage): Listen. The Archers is on, David's just found out about Ruth's affair with Sam, so no you can't -GOODBYE!
#2 Incompetent newsreaders:
Me, snuggled in darkness under the duvet early this morning, toasty warm and snoozing gently with Radio 4 mumbling in the background on the clock radio alarm...
Jim Naughtie:....and we'll be talking to John Reid later in in the programme. And now the time is a quarter to nine...
Me:
Mmmph, WHA... (leaps bolt upright, scattering duvet and cats to the floor, heart pounding and eyes popping)Sarah Montagu: SEVEN, Jim, quarter to seven!
Jim Naughtie: Oh yes, sorry about that.
Sarah Montague: Wakey, wakey everyone....
b*****ds!!!
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I'm not sure if it strictly qualifies as a gig, but I'd urge all that can go to do so.
B)
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Forgot to add - people who try and flush half their dinner down the sink! I've just had to get the plumber out - our kitchen sink U-bend was full of macaroni cheese!
Grrrr - as CK would say!
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1. People who can' t find their seat on an aeroplane. As if the row numbers are random or something and seat 3d is near the fecking back, then they have to push everyone out the way to get back to the front. And then you miss your take off slot and sit at Heathrow for another 114 minutes.
4. Neds going on holiday abroad.
I work at an airport. I can empathise with you entirely!
BAA closing Domestic Departures for building works forcing every departing passenger to go through the International Departure Search Area!
Thus forcing staff to have to fight their way through three times as many passengers to get to work! Emails like this from work colleagues!
Ho feckin Ho! Christmas Night Out
Well, don't shout at people, Dunc, or you'll lose your voice.
Oh, the irony!
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Was at Muse last night - immense!
Would you all stop it now please.
I desparately wanted to go but couldn't afford a ticket!
Mrs Kilt wouldn't sub me for one! 0 -
I like a challenge
You'ver certainly got one there!His latest...
..is very good indeed and not the intellectual work out of The Unconsoled! I'd recommend it highly.
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The Albannach by Fionn MacColla.
A 'growing up in the Highlands' sort of story.
SJ, that's got to be Kazuo Ishiguru's most difficult book to get on with.
The wierd wanderings through the faceless European city, it's hotel and that wierd block of concrete flats on the outskirts of the town were really freaky. I continually expected something nasty to happen to the hero, who seems to have no control over his life or events, all through the book. Which at over 500 odd pages became rather wearing.Good luck in finishing it!
I'm reading Rankin's latest The Naming of the Dead at the moment! It's ace!
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It couldn't be anything to do with you sitting in your kilt at the Rock for the best part of two hours in the freezing cold on Saturday?
Nah, I had lager-fuelled anti-freeze in my system!
I'm squarely setting the blame on Drumchapel. 40 minutes to queue up for a 30 second ride on The Twirler, FFS! Baltic! 0 -
Try sucking a Fishermans Friend
Boom, tish!
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I've got the cold!
I don't suppose standing around for 2 hours in Drumchapel Park at the fireworks last night helped any either. But it was 'for the kids' so that's alright then?!
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Postal scams!
Just got this warning folks.....In the run up to Christmas people have been getting cards from a company called PDS (Parcel Delivery Service) put through their letter box stating that they were unable to deliver a package and asking them to phone 0306 66 11 9 11 to arrange delivery.
The Royal Mail have confirmed that this is a scam operating out of Belize. As soon as you dial the number and get the automated reply service you are charged £15. The longer you listen the more you will be charged.
The advice is – “Don’t dial the number, there is no package!â€
Here to help!
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Ah, but yours had 'No photo available', whereas my link is a cornucopia of visual delights!
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You sure?
He has also been in The Bill, Boon, Doctor Who, Juliet Bravo, Rumpole of The Bailey and The Profesionals
He's remarkably versatile.....
Geoffrey the Butler and others...
B)
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Being stitched up by your colleagues!
Colleague: How are Berwick doing so far?
Me (head down, buried in files): We're second top, thanks.
Colleague: Reckon you'll go up this year.
Me (still engrossed in a file): Yep, we've every chance.
Colleague: Who's top then?
Me: Some c***s fae East Fife!
My Assistant Director, a Fifer, walking past my desk: 'Night lads!
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Shouldn't you be wandering around ogling Duty Free staff right now?!
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Perhaps I'm just having a crap day, but the airport have now started 'piped birdsong' through the tannoys in the main terminal and departure lounges, probably thinking it's soothing and restful as background noise.
IT ISN'T!!!
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I have run out of cigarettes and money!
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Must resist typically flirtatious Dave-of-old style comment here
Me too!
But they might change their minds when they start having children! 0 -
Christmas Decorations have just gone up in Duty Free.....ALREADY!!
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nothing really. it's just that the last guy I saw with a key wallet was Granpaw Broon
Seen from behind...
...we're not that dissimilar!
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Cyclists that go straight through red lights.
You mean like this...
Oi, Mr Pedalo - the Highway Code applies to you TOO!!
As a pedestrian, can I just add, for all you motorists out there, the AMBER light is to warn you that a RED, STOP one follows. It is not an indication that you have one last chance to accelerate to try and beat the RED, STOP one!!!
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Whit age are you ?
46 - What's that got to do with it?!
It's an official issue wallet on a belt-chain for the office door keys, desk keys, locker keys and I have three other sets of keys only issued to me as I have restricted access to some rooms that ordinary non-office management staff can't get into including - hawd me back - the Stationery cupboard! It's a bit of a shock when a bunch that size goes up yer jacksey without warning!
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Is that like a serious skid-mark or just a really wet fart?! 
Mmmph, WHA... (leaps bolt upright, scattering duvet and cats to the floor, heart pounding and eyes popping)
Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...
in The General Nonsense Forum
Posted