Toma_BullyWee

My phone loves. Full stops today as. Well

Weans in football tops. Just the cutest wee thing. I can't wait until summer. Ruaridh's whole wardrobe will be football strips.

Ruaridh was being sickeningly cute last night. He wasn't for sleeping at all so i thought I'll lie him down on the bed with a couple of teddies and he'll drift off. Naw. Then I went out the room for a moment only to catch him attempting the great escape

I moved on to tobacco before I chucked it and I still have the last pack I bought. I think I smoked 2 or 3 out of it then put it away in a drawer. I still have all my lighters and skins and my ashtray. A few people said they thought it was strange but it's so much easier knowing if I really wanted to, or if I felt desperate for a smoke I could have one right away. It's a mental thing, but it certainly helps.

I reached a wee milestone last week. I was at a pals house and had a couple of those, eh, herbal cigarettes. I enjoyed it, but not the tobacco. That was one thing I was worried about, having a casual wee herbal then getting that glorious beautiful fag taste and getting back on them. Didnae happen. Could it possibly be that I didn't enjoy them as much as I thought? Ah well, I'll stick to my wee bottles of fruit pastel fag juice.

Living in Parkhead (High parkhead, obviously) on old firm day is always a right laugh. I've been awake for less than 20 minutes and already heard my first siren of the day.

You're gonnae get a shite in your pocket

It had the desired effect. It was manky and made me angry, so I now wish to pass this manky anger down to the next generation.

My dad used to put his toenail clippings into my pockets, spread across jackets, trousers and trackies. I should add I was a wean, which is why I had trackies. It used to drive me mental and was a good excuse to show off the new swear words I had learned because I knew he would be too busy laughing to care that I was swearing. I now hide toenails in my step sons clothing whenever I remember. I have yet to witness them making the discovery. I eagerly await that day. Nae swearing though or I'll pan their fucking melts in.

I'm still waiting. Wee guys face or tits?

Do not apologise. Post more. Now.

What on earth is a frozen shoulder? Anyway, I have severe toothache and no decent painkillers. I keep putting off getting a dentist appointment because I missed a couple due to other issues and I feel like I'm going to get in trouble when I go back. It's the same with the doctors. Part of me feels like that fat wee boy in school.

I'm not your fam, blud

The big question though is his name. Is his name just a wee guys heid? Or is his name a pair of tits on a body?

Okay. Ideal opportunity to prove I'm wrong though, eh? Just one wee tradition...

That's what I'm on now and I love it. I particularly love getting new liquids and trying all the different flavours, but I feel like a right p***k. I didn't even intend on quitting either. I started smoking late at around 20 but I loved it. Last year I turned 30 and my mate posted a rather comical card through my door a few days before my birthday. Inside the card there was a wee bag of grass and a note reading "you always said you would quit when you turned 30, but you didn't say anything about this". I had forgotten all about the 30 remark, but I thought I would go for it. I got patches and they worked a treat. I was off them for around a month but I wasn't enjoying it. I always enjoyed having a fag. I was never the type of person that would light a fag and go "I need to chuck this", so I went out and bought myself one. Cracking wee decision. I've been off them now for around 5 months and only had 1 fag. It was during a night out and my battery ran out. The guy I was out with smokes so I would go out with him whenever he went. I refused the first 4 or 5 times but I was getting a craving so I took one. I enjoyed it but the taste wasn't so great and it hasn't crossed my mind to have one since. What I have noticed though is I'm properly chugging away at my fake fag. I don't mind spending the money on the liquids because I do get enjoyment out of it, but I'm just worried I'm relying far too much on this thing. I still love the smell of the real thing. Walking past someone who's smoking... lovely.

Right, I have a question for the Rangers fans. I know fans of every other team will jump in with their sarcastic answers but I would really, really love if I could get one decent answer from a Rangers fan. What are these fantastic "traditions" of yours? For the life of me I can't think of one. Not signing catholics, rampant sectarianism and bigotry... am I missing something here? I can almost understand the Celtic "traditions". They are bullshit, yes, but I can kinda get what they mean. Nothing for Rangers though. I will be delighted if proved ignorant here, but it just reeks of pandering and "you sook my ring, I'll sook yours" by people seeking a connection.

My eyes! He's currently getting wired into a sausage before I attempt to get him down for the night. Ye just widnae know though eh!

That genuinely gives me the boak. I'm so bad at dealing with messy eating! The wean will have finished his dinner, smiling away head to toe in muck when mum does it because she understands it should be fun and he should be learning through it yet when I feed him I more or less polish his face after every bite. Strangely I'm not at all phased by the manky bum. Just eating...

It's always fucking Clyde fans...

He's also a year old next month. Now that's scary.

It's amazing to think that this fat ride was dangerously thin and needed surgery to fix a gammy digestive system aged 3 weeks.

Actually that just reminded me of something that happened back when I was at college. We were filming something at my mates flat in the west end and once we were done we headed out for a pint. At this point we considered staying out to watch the midweek football and happened upon a pub my mate hadn't been to yet. He had always been curious but never ended up in it. As we're drinking away I noticed an insert day - pub quiz! sign. It was that day, and I do like a wee quiz every now and again so I was curious. Later one of the staff came up and asked if we would be hanging around for the quiz that evening. I told her we just might do that, as it was a very pleasant little pub. "Oh it's a good one tonight guys - Greek architecture" There's a reason I don't drink in the west end often.

f**k that pub

The wow was from the impression he left because he couldn't take it when people wanted to debate. Apparently it kicked off with the roasters but when it started (when I was up to date) it was just people disagreeing with him. WOW