Sweet Pete

Best of luck, Jack. Except when facing the famous DFC, obviously.

No sleep last night as me, the wife and the wean have a winter bug. Wee man was up watching tv at 5am, he was sick over the couch at 7am, got him down to sleep at the back of 8 and went to sleep myself, but the window cleaner's ladder woke us up at the back of ten, setting the baby off crying because he'd been in a sound sleep. While comforting him the dug was whining at the front door but I was ignoring him as I was settling the baby, so the dug pissed the floor. Got that cleaned up, took the dogs out a walk and my fingers burst through the poo bag! Game's a bogey. Today can go and f**k itself.

The photos of me in a lacy bra and suspenders accompanying the story would keep the readers hooked.

My step-brother snapped his three times, each one more serious than the last. He described the final time as like a banana peeling from the top down along the seam at the back of the shaft. We were in a pub when he told me so I was forced to keep my cool and not run screaming, crying and snottering from the room, but inside I was sobbing at the mere image it conjured in my head.

You've mentioned quite a few times on here that the Swiss think you're weird for having a bevvy to Scottish levels. I'd suggest you decide how much you like her company, if it's a lot then try and find a comfortable middle ground where you drink a bit less and she learns to be less of a condescending, nagging shrew who feels she can tell a grown man how he should behave. If it's a little then volley her square in the muff and take your keys back and go to the pub.

I agree.

"GAAAAAHHHHH!! They're destroying this once great nation, Beryl!"

^^^^Pretending she's never had it up the arse.

Shag the slag instead, obviously.

That post from Gunther, ooft. There's a fella with absolutely zero self respect or self control. She almost certainly dumped him for freaking her out by coming on too strong.

Use it to do a line #WhoDaresChings

15/20, no' bad for someone who's not really a Trekky.

That Joe Hart "no no no no no no there's no dandruff" ad has clearly been commissioned, planned and created by people who have never been to a single fitba game.

Pics or GTF

Kermit's cock! No, wait... I may be thinking of a different joke.

^^^ Knows how to do the funny handshake.

Great new avatar, snudge.

Gender reassignment.

#wand #baller

Along with Nicky Devlin I think Ryan Finnie is the most gifted natural modern fullback I've ever seen step into a first team at age 16. Both appeared for us as 16 year olds and both immediately stood out as ones to watch.

Unsure. Last I'd heard he was at Thistle. A supremely talented player. Hopefully he can make a go of it.

Andy Geggan, Nicky Devlin and Ryan Finnie were all really good fullbacks as well.

You could walk to England from Dumfries