Miguel Sanchez

I like my chances, boys!

Is this c**t no deid yet?

To me Gogglebox heralded the downfall of civilisation as we know it but each to their own

If you clicked through to the list you'd note that article isn't included, and was perhaps used as a humorous way to open the thread, as is the tone of the account.

If you're trying this hard to be edgy then stop being wrong Historical Jesus - Wikipedia

This is a good account

Why did none of you tell me Alvvays were playing here at the beginning of the month?

The Last Jedi was alright. I didn't see what all the fuss was about, but then I'm not a Star Wars fan from the internet.

Need for Speed Heat (PS4, 2019) Two years ago (!) when I wrote a review of Need for Speed Payback, I wrote this: The main problem with the characterisation, the writing and the world building in Payback is how generic it is. At the start when the story and characters were being introduced they all felt so bland and uninteresting it was almost uncanny. The whole game feels like it was designed by committee to be as bland and inoffensive as possible. Weirdly though, there are times where it feels as if it tries to mock that kind of media. There are some 'characters' that talk like stereotypical online streamers/influencers and I'm clearly supposed to feel like I'm in on the joke with the game. It's like parents in a bad American sitcom trying show how down with the kids they are, breaking your spine with cringe in the process. I'm not even sure why I'm picking out one paragraph to compare it to Heat. I could take that review and re-post it, changing the odd word and saying there was less to do I went back to that review to see what I thought of it and realised that just about everything I said stood out as relevant to Heat. I guess I should actually try writing something original now, although that's more effort than you get in this game. There's a semblance of a story, but since the game barely bothers to impart it on the player, I'm not going to bother either. Somewhat hilariously the game gives you a large selection of characters to play as. They all have the same lines (although different voices) and none of them have any names. And you can change them at any time you want during the game with no changes. In a way I almost admire the brazenness of making something so lacking in personality. It's like it's gone so far bad it's looped around and earned my grudging respect. I chose the skinny Asian girl as an homage to the original Midnight Club. If the window-dressing of Heat doesn't matter, what of the driving? It's an open world Need for Speed game so you can make a decent guess at what you're going to get. Heat is centred around a central mechanic which is actually quite interesting and has a decent amount of potential. There are sanctioned races in Palm City during the day. These take place on closed circuits on the streets. You earn money from these, allowing you to buy cars and upgrades. You then switch to night and there are still plenty of races available, only these take place on the streets illegally and the cops are out to chase after you while they're happening. Participating in these races improves your reputation, allowing you access to bigger and more important events. You also have to deal with the police during and in between races, trying to avoid having your car destroyed or stopped by them and losing all the points you've built up. On the face of it, this is a solid foundation to base a game around. There's lots of potential for different kinds of events, a significant difference in gameplay and to even make the corrupt police storyline actually matter. This doesn't happen though. The day races are boring, the night races are annoying slaloms. Palm City is lifeless and unremarkable with no atmosphere or just... anything at all. But the police, oh no. Playing an arcade open world game with unrealistic depictions of speed like this I'm reminded of Burnout Paradise. There you can take out rival cars in a way which is deliberate yet simple. When you start out in Heat, the police will catch you and stop you or destroy you. Your early cars, no matter what the upgrades, will not be a match for them. You'll get stopped, you'll lose everything you've built up in the night, you'll get frustrated and you'll put the game off. By the time you build a decent car you'll be too fast for the police and never see them at all, and the challenge will be gone. I need to say more about Palm City. I was very critical of every part of Payback but thinking about it now, I can remember bits of the city. That was based on Las Vegas and there are distinct areas. The urban areas in the centre, the offroad sections up in hills and mountains, the long straight roads out in the desert where you can get up to speed. Heat doesn't have that. Palm City is loosely based on Miami and Florida and it should have a distinct profile. We've all seen what highly exaggerated Miami looks like in a video game. Here though, there's nothing. There's no colour, no life, very little variety, and this is exacerbated when you see the switch from day to night happen with very little effect on your surroundings. It feels like one of those mats you had when you were young for driving cars around on. There might be roads and buildings, but they're all two dimensional and now you're old and withered and your imagination isn't compensating enough. I don't think I like the driving physics. It's really weird how slow the cars feel. I mainly drove and upgraded an R32 Skyline (in classic Calsonic #12 colours obviously) throughout the game and whether it topped out at 150 or 240 miles per hour, it handled the same and just looked the same getting there. I don't really know how to describe the sensation but it felt like I was driving with some unseen electronic shackles applied to the car, just holding it back from what I'm expecting. You know those dreams you have where you're trying to run but can't move your legs properly? It felt like that, in game form. I don't know who this game is supposed to appeal to. I have more than a passing interest in racing games and I found it, at its best, forgettable. If you like putting weird engines in cars and creating or downloading all manner of hideous liveries for them, there's something here. There are lots of cars and a seemingly endless array of customisation options. Like Payback there are different kinds of driving you can tune a car for, but this actual interesting feature of that game doesn't matter anywhere near as much here. The driving itself just feels stale, easy to pick up and not really requiring much more than that not only to finish the game, but to explore the world or do anything else. That probably sums up my problems really, it's something which is focused on the superficial at the expense of literally everything else. And it can't even do the superficial right.

Week 42 update Two deaths this week. Up first, Angela Lansbury: Dame Angela Lansbury obituary | Television & radio | The Guardian I knew her for Murder, She Wrote but she had quite the prolific career in film and stage. Lansbury died at 96 so she's worth 29 Base Points for @Clockwork, @HTG, @Karpaty Lviv, @Stringer Bell, @lolls, @Ray Patterson and @statts1976uk ========= Second death was Robbie Coltrane: Robbie Coltrane obituary | Film | The Guardian Of course, this is how I'll always think of him: I think people have picked him every year since I started running the Dead Pool. I've never known if he's been unwell or he's just fat. He died at 72 so he's worth 53 Base Points for @mizfit and @sophia, with a Deadly Duo bonus taking that to 75 points each. After that, the standings look like this: 1. Bishop Briggs 691 2. Indale Winton 635 3. Ned Nederlander 571 4. chompmyroot 551 5. Billy Jean King 460 6. JustOneCornetto 452 7. Arabdownunder, Arch Stanton, sparky88 445 10. Moomintroll 416 11. gkneil 382 12. weirdcal 372 13. psv_killie 353 14. Sweaty Morph 342 15. Savage Henry 338 16. mathematics, The DA 321 18. peasy23 318 19. The_Craig 315 20. pub car king 288 21. The Master 273 22. scottsdad 262 23. buddiepaul 261 24. Arbroathlegend36-0 255 25. lichtgilphead 237 26. microdave 228 27. thistledo 226 28. tamthebam 221 29. senorsoupe 219 30. Raidernation 218 31. Desp 217 32. pawpar 216 33. Melanius Mullarkey 207 34. Aim Here 205 35. Florentine_Pogen 202 36. gingette 199 37. Fuctifano, jimbaxters 196 39. blootoon87 180 40. Lofarl 176 41. Karpaty Lviv 161 42. thisal 160 43. cdhafc1874 159 44. Mark Connolly 153 45. ThomCat 143 46. ayrunitedfw 140 47. mizfit 136 48. sophia 131 49. HI HAT 122 50. sleazy 121 51. willie adie 115 52. Scorge 114 53. nessies long lost ghost, The Naitch 113 55. Hamish's Passenger, speckled tangerine 112 57. Les Cabbage 111 58. The Hologram 108 59. Miguel Sanchez 105 60. Bully Wee Villa 104 61. paulathame, Sergeant Wilson 98 63. djchapsticks, Enigma 81 65. Ray Patterson 76 66. cambozpar 74 67. statts1976uk 68 68. D.V.T., qos_75 59 70. Aladdin, BillyAnchor, doulikefish, ICTJohnboy, invergowrie arab, Oystercatcher, smpar, Soapy FFC 58 78. Cardinal Richelieu, get_the_subbies_on, Lex, RossBFaeDundee 52 82. HTG 48 83. Amarillo Bairn 44 84. Bert Raccoon 39 85. Curmudgeon 35 86. 10menwent2mow 34 87. Bold Rover, Clockwork, dagane, Duszek, Hedgecutter, lolls, LoonsYouthTeam, Stringer Bell 29 95. Everyone else 0 The spreadsheet has also been updated with these scores: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1mup1IJllKHs0a47J8G6IXUkvShJrV28Iuc-Kkn7RKuo/edit?usp=sharing

The Rise of Skywalker There might have been a time in my life when I cared about Star Wars, or anything really, strongly enough be sent into unfathomable rage by this. Now, I'm not so sure. I had three genuine laugh out loud moments and I don't think any of those were the, ahem, plot moments. Nonsense.

I remember the Spider-Man one, don't think I've seen any of the others. Dear oh dear.

iJock is gonna build a wall, and Buckinghamshire is gonna pay for it.

imo the only above-arcade level circuit racing game available on console is Assetto Corsa Competizione Sport Mode is still viable in GT7 but with this week as an example, you have an undriveable F1 car, a choice of very deliberate hybrid LMP1 cars or... I think it was Gr.3, at Brands Hatch. In a word, no.

"Our alliance with Spotify goes beyond a mere commercial relationship. It is a strategic relationship through which we seek to bring together two worlds that can arouse emotion - namely music and football," said Juli Guiu, Barcelona's marketing vice-president. "This initiative is another example of this desire and the innovative spirit of our collaboration. "For the first time in our history, we are replacing the name of our main sponsor on the front of the jersey with an internationally acclaimed artist, Drake. "This initiative shows our potential to become a unique platform to offer experiences that help bring us closer to our fans while reaching out to new audiences around the world." Spotify's vice-president of partnerships, Marc Hazan, said: "We were really excited to celebrate one of the biggest games of the year and mark Drake's milestone as the first artist to reach 50 billion streams. "We've always said that we want this partnership to be a celebration of fans, players and artists on a global stage - and there's no bigger stage than El Clasico."

El Clasico: Barcelona to celebrate rapper Drake with special shirts against Real Madrid - BBC Sport

Perhaps if you were close enough to home that you had to see it every day you could have just gone home and went to the toilet in a toilet rather than being a clatty b*****d and shitting in the street.

ROBERT WAGNER! wait sorry, wrong episode

Can we get Marshmallo back?

"Parasnoremal Inactivity" Kermode is clearly a P&B poster

Shart of Pisslothian

Me, when a generic old person pops up unannounced to say they're not on the television anymore: