Miguel Sanchez

Salah's on his way.

Got a new keyboard. Silent. It's like typing on silk. Beautiful.

I think he's named after a biscuit.

It's Grant228 I still don't know who @Ro Sham Bo is.

Hiya Liam, hiya Faddy.

f**k sake

The Douglas Luiz song is catchy. Douglas Luiz Douglas Luiz Douglas Luiz Douglas Luiz Douglas Luiz Good stuff.

I'm not a football coach or a football player but I might consider covering the guy who's sent in a cross for all the goals so far.

Martin Boyle looks like he uses vaseline as hair gel.

Stevenson as defensive mid looks like a choice.

Good stuff on the BBC live text: Wha's like us???????????

I think if people knew whole life sentences involved sending e-mails because deliveries weren't fulfilled they'd be a lot less likely to suggest the death penalty as an alternative.

Scrambling for relevance.

Update: @ParsJake actually had Parkinson as his Captain, so he gets an extra 37 points and is now up to 33rd. I've fixed the spreadsheet and the scores.

You know how every now and then some gonk on the internet pipes up that Scottish football needs to improve the fan experience by doing a bunch of American shite like having bands playing outside the stadium or tshirt guns in the stands? Tell them you want this at half time, and nothing else will do:

Week 33 update Two deaths this week. The first is, as reported by Aim Here, actually from some time ago, the writer D.M. Thomas: DM Thomas obituary | Books | The Guardian Some interesting stuff in there about a writer I'm not familiar with, but I enjoyed that passage the most. Given there must be at least ten mentions of him being a rampant shagger in that obituary, I'm assuming he or a close friend wrote it. Thomas died at 88 so he's worth 37 Base Points for @ThomCat. A Captain bonus doubles that, with a Solo Shot for an extra 50 giving him 124 points. I should also point out here that, as with every year, I do a manual check of everyone on the list who hasn't died to make sure I haven't missed anyone. During the year the only real way I have of tracking deaths is looking at the list of recent deaths on Wikipedia, so if a rare name I don't immediately recognise is up I'm not always guaranteed to get it. If you know someone dies, get on it. ==================== Second death this week was insurance salesman Michael Parkinson: Sir Michael Parkinson obituary | Michael Parkinson | The Guardian One thing that's struck me as I've been reading about his life is something I've mentioned before with respected television figures. The Parkinson-style chat show doesn't exist any more and that's largely because of the way media has changed. Aside from nobody watching TV any more, the overall media landscape has changed to render chat shows largely irrelevant. Promotional media for new releases is managed by the people already involved. Sportspeople are press-managed to within an inch of their lives. Anyone else has a Twitter account and can sell themselves. And now nobody has an attention span of more than a minute, so who's going to watch an old man interviewing someone from the internet? He retired when I was 15 so I'm not going to say he was a big part of my life, but moments like this are just reminders that the world is changing and I'm not always convinced it's for the better. Parkinson died at 88 so he's worth 37 Base Points for @cdhafc1874, @HI HAT, @mathematics, @ParsJake, @superwell87 and @Willie adie. As a result (and thanks to Aim Here's corrections, all of which were typing errors rather than arithmetic, the standings now look like this: 1. JustOneCornetto 405 2. psv_killie 376 3. Arbroathlegend36-0 288 4. Desp 264 5. LoonsYouthTeam 245 6. The Naitch 240 7. ThomCat 239 8. gkneil 234 9. cdhafc1874 229 10. Arabdownunder 228 11. buddiepaul 226 12. Billy Jean King 225 13. Mark Connolly, weirdcal 224 15. Bert Raccoon 222 16. qos_75 221 17. peasy23 220 18. amnarab 219 19. Ned Nederlander 209 20. Miguel Sanchez 199 21. Bully Wee Villa 192 22. Ziggy Sobotka 190 23. lolls 180 24. Donathan 179 25. Shotgun 170 26. Savage Henry 169 27. D.V.T., microdave, throbber 166 30. HI HAT, Ludo*1 162 32. chomp my root 161 33. Michael W, pub car king, The_Craig 157 36. Aim Here 155 37. DG.Roma 154 38. The DA 153 39. sophia 148 40. Karpaty Lviv, Scorge 145 42. Indale Winton 142 43. Sweaty Morph 140 44. alta-pete 139 45. get_the_subbies_on 138 46. Frosty, HK Hibee, willie adie 134 49. Fuctifano, thistledo 125 51. ParsJake 123 52. kilMARKnock 116 53. doulikefish, tamthebam, The Master 111 56. Melanius Mullarkay 110 57. Arch Stanton, mozam76 101 59. Lofarl 99 60. Oystercatcher, weemac 97 62. atfccfc, Ray Patterson 96 64. HTG 95 65. djchapsticks 94 66. Moomintroll 93 67. Enigma 90 68. dagane, pawpar 87 70. sparky88 84 71. blackislekillie 74 72. Jimmy Baker 71 73. ICTJohnboy, superwell87 69 75. paulathame 68 76. lichtgilphead 67 77. expatowner 60 78. German Jag, Priti priti priti Patel, superbigal 58 81. Dunning1874, sleazy 55 83. Empty It, The Hologram 48 85. DeeTillEhDeh 42 86. Oceanlineayr, Salvo Montalbano, Shipa, statts1976uk 39 90. mathematics 37 91. 10menwent2mow, dee_62, mizfit, parxyz, scottsdad, senorsoupe, Suspect Device 32 98. choirbairn, Derry Alli, stanton 31 101. BillyAnchor, Christophe, Lex, PWL 29 105. Everyone else 0 The spreadsheet has also been updated with these scores: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1RxCIfczRUmrRrW79tUQ0vJ5KaHZpYENsTKmDqW4X3W4/edit?usp=sharing

More than one poster said "the MK way" apparently completely in earnest. Then again going by the site name they have a sense of humour.

The picture of her that was in the news most of the time had her looking like Eugene Thundercunt.

This was actually funnier than I was expecting, well done.

Gran Turismo (2023) Young man from Wales survives being terminally online and having Geri Halliwell for a mother to become a racing driver. You know when you watch a documentary or a biopic (or even an adaptation) about something you're really passionate about and you sit looking at all of the things they get wrong, and you end up leaving underwhelmed? I first played a Gran Turismo game in 2001. I've spent thousands of hours over the past four or five years racing and watching streams and top level GT competitions. Naturally, then, I'm the right person to provide an objective assessment on the Based On a True Story tale of Jann Mardenborough, who competed in a program run by Gran Turismo and Nissan in 2011 to get a seat in a real race car. There are good things. The scenes involving cars are all... well, real. I've read a bit about how they were filmed (Mardenborough was his own stunt driver) and it's really great to see a film about motor racing featuring actual driving. Le Mans and Le Mans '66 (the former featuring scenes of the actual race) are probably the best examples of motor racing being properly depicted in films but this is genuinely right up there with them. The acting is all great too. Archie Madekwe is good as a young guy who becomes determined to prove himself. Orlando Bloom is surprisingly good as a bit of a chancing wheeler dealer who convinces Nissan to let someone who's only ever played a video game into a real car. David Harbour is the best turn as the cynical, jaded former driver turned engineer who ends up believing in the kid with a dream. Geri can't act any more than she can sing. Some things I disliked go beyond my own knowledge of the story and medium. There are four separate races in the film where Jann gets the race result he needs on the last lap, with a split-second run to the finish line. When he competes in GT Academy, the instructors and some of the competitors are mean to him. Some of the competitors in GT Academy are girls. When he gets the race seat with Nissan, his own pit crew tell him he's a geek and he shouldn't be there. When he's racing, there's another guy who's arrogant and stuck up (driving a gold chrome Lamborghini sponsored by Moet champagne) who literally drives into Jann on more than one occasion. It doesn't really take any knowledge of motorsport to know that these things range from fanciful to outright ridiculous. The two main things I felt the film lacked were context for Jann's career and, oddly, references to Gran Turismo. When he's trying to qualify for GT Academy he plays the game, but sees himself in a real car. When he's racing for real, he sees the game. It's neat way of showing how the two fields can overlap. But outside of Orlando saying (more than once) that Gran Turismo is "the most realistic driving simulator ever created" (it really, really isn't) the game ends up getting lost as time goes on. The film is about the person so this is understandable, but I think more could have been made about how he honed his skills first. The film may as as well start by saying "he played this a lot and got really good and now he's about to be in a competition". I'm saying this with my Gran Turismo fan hat on, obviously. The film also doesn't make any reference to the other people who became racing drivers through the GT Academy in other years, which is a real shame. When he does qualify from GT Academy and starts racing we don't get much explanation of where the races are, what the competition is or even what he's driving. I don't know if there was a licensing issue here (although it's based on a true story the film as a whole largely glosses over the fine details) but even a voiceover and twenty second montage before the first race would have been enough. "This is your car, a Nissan GT-R GT3. It can go this fast it's got this much power..." and so on. The film inevitably builds towards a climax at Le Mans and the same applies here. It's the hardest race in the world! Alright, care to explain why? Or what he's driving here? And if Le Mans is the toughest race in the world on the toughest track in the world, then what exactly is the Nurburgring, where he drove and crashed and killed a spectator? Also, all scenes at "Le Mans" were filmed at the Hungaroring in Hungary. You can tell because that whole track is about the same size as the pit lane building at Le Mans. If you don't know anything about motor racing, this is fine. Even knowing why it was like this, it made my teeth itch. I didn't really have any expectations about this going in. I just went to see it because I like Gran Turismo. By its own nature the concept is something I could easily pick holes in. Some of these are excusable, some just make me frustrated because it seems like an easy thing to have added or changed. Either way I think this actually did end up being better than I expected, and the critical response seems to agree with me. If anything that just makes it more frustrating, than I can just see one or two improvements.

Men in Black (1997) The Fresh Prince leaves school and gets a job being a policeman for aliens. The aliens are everywhere. Hilarious, and surprisingly good CGI for the time. This might also be the first time I ever saw Tommy Lee Jones on film, and I'm going to guess he's looked like this his entire life. Ghostbusters II (1989) This film starts with some of the Ghostbusters going to a children's party as entertainers. The children are unhappy at this. A bit ironic, given this is almost certainly purely a children's film. It's alright. It's also an example of the internet ruining things, because when you watch this as an unconnected child you think Vigo might actually be real. It's a letdown to find he isn't. Cape Fear (1991) A Scorsese adaptation of the Simpsons episode where they join the witness protection program because Sideshow Bob is stalking them. The one thing I always find with Scorsese films is they're just inherently watchable. There's nothing fancy going on with the picture, you just sit and you're drawn to what you see and what the people are doing. In contrast, this film has a distracting musical score (which admittedly I can't take seriously because of the Simpsons), Robert De Niro with a silly voice and loads of random zooms and camera movements that look like something from one of those Bollywood scenes that goes on forever. I think the ultimate problem is there was no real sense of threat from the stalker. The scene in the school was creepy, the rest was just silly. Quantum of Solace (2008) I like this film. I think it's good. Well, one time I watch it I'll think it's good, the next time my mind will wander and I'll be online after half an hour. The opera scene and the plane fight scene are great. The villain is good because he's not a typical Bond villain. The girls are interesting rather than just window dressing. Even the theme song sounded alright this time. This is a very 2023 assessment, but trying to present an inherently political plot in an apolitical way leaves it a bit unclear. Do you know what this film is about? Do I, having finished it twenty minutes ago? Of course we don't.