Milo

Thank you, Mr. X. From now on I shall always think of you as my Business Guru. Ommmmmmmmmmmm!

So Green is: Quote 1) .. definitely NOT the new owner of Rangers yet. Quote 2) ...definitely the new owner of Rangers.

It seems that our chums at Rangers Media have taken to cobbling together some Churchill-type rhetoric to bolster their petulent, it's-no-fair tantrum. Here's a real Winston Churchill quote that they might wish to consider; "A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

That's an easy one: it's because they shit..........................on their own doorstep. No, that's not quite right. Hang on - it'll come to me eventually.

You No laugh! Him big man. Him heap big chief - plenty medicine. Him speak plenty good - drink plenty firewater - speak go warpath with Great Spirit! Him got plenty mojo! Pity him no got no wampum though........ Hallelujah!

Then you can't have met Mr. Muckle Flugga or his old Papa, Westray!

And, if I recall correctly, lawyer Finch also did the right thing when he killed a rabid dog with one shot.

Rejoice! In the back of our junk-filled bedroom cupboard I have just found, 1) a $1 dollar bill and 2) a five rouble note (with a lovely picture of that nice Mr. Lenin on it). I hereby donate both to the P&B 'let's buy Rangers' fund. Magnanimous or what? Just rejoice at that news!

Dammit! I missed page 1000. We'll just have to keep going until we reach the next mystic number; I'm guessing page 1690, perhaps. Anyway was the P&B bid successful? Do we own Rangers yet?

I notice that, on his cross-channel flight in November 1836, Charles Green was accompanied by Monck Mason! ...spooky but apt.

Why would you hold a press conference at 10:00am on a Sunday to say that the club hasn't been sold yet?

Well past my teatime but I couldn't tear myself away from the computer. Look at me - a grown man sitting at a computer in an empty room and laughing out loud every couple of minutes at the wit and wisdom of P&Bers. Great stuff! But I must tear myself away and eat something. What's for tea? Well isn't it obvious - something succulent washed down with a quantum or two of red wine.

It's being internet streamed by http://www.sportp2p.com.

Is it Mr. Blobby with a Gotcha award?

Wonderful! Print tee-shirts, please.

ABOUT THOSE SHARES Potential Buyer: " I have just flown back from talking with Herr Whyte. I have in my hand a document which bears his signature and mine...............wait a minute...why is it perforated? ..........what is that word? ......Andrex...? Good God! ............Are those skidmarks!!?"

Oh look! It's a raft of last minute bidders. They don't look all that healthy, though....... Edited to say: with apologies to Herman Hessian who got his raft image in more quickly than I did mine.

Dear Sir/Madam, RE: P&B Consortium to buy Rangers F.C. I like the cut of your collective jib! Count me in. Let's run this shooting match up the flagpole and see who salutes it. Just one proviso - the £10 ante: I won't do it. Instead I propose that I make you a loan of £20 ad infinitum. You in turn will then make aloan to me of £10, (can you see where I'm going with this? That's right; neither of us will pay back the other's loan!). And If that's not good enough for you, compadre, then I'm afraid you just don't have the cojones to make it in today's big business world. No offence, mi amigo but that's just the way it crumbles cookiewise. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm just off to eat some kittens. Milo

Of course, that would be the clean, natural country way of doing things. I'm afraid that, here in decadent Glasgow, we deep-fry them.

I can exclusively reveal that the new, prefered bidder is a Scottish footballing consortium led by those well-known, cutting-edge, thrusting, dynamic entrepreneurs, John Lambie and Chic Charnley. 1)The new look, slimmed down thrusting and dynamic Rangers to be renamed Partick Thistle and play all their home games at Firhill, (to be renamed the Maryhillodome). 2)Ibrox to be kept as the headquarters of the new feeder team, the Moon and Star Rovers (known to their fans as the Sons of Islam). 3)Ibrox will also be renamed: it will immediately be known as the Cardinal Brady Stadium of Denial. So there you are - that should keep everybody happy.

It means they do their research with one pinky finger extended.

I can see that I'll have to do this very gently........Here goes. The A Team didn't kill anyone because................take a deep breath..............the A Team are not real people; they're just men pretending to be the A Team. Now don't cry! No tears, now. It's a bit like Rangers really. They think that they are a world-class football team but they're just........................No! No stop! Here, you can use my hanky........

A fud called Rodger? Whatever will they think of next.....?

Did you notice that the Tombliboo in the centre is modelling next season's Jags' home strip?

D&P Press Release The new bidders line up. ......................and they are all British!