Reynard

Cohen did it first and did it best. Buckleys rendition is like some sort of X Factor karaoke effort. The song is meaningless to him.

Elvis Costello: Good Year for the Roses

He murders that song

Creedance Clearwater Revival: Rollin` On A River

Nick Cave and Kylie Minogue : Where the Wild Roses Grow

You are being a really nasty c**t about this.

Rolf Harris might well be a pishy handed penguin killer. But he encouraged a generation of kids in the 1970`s to learn to swim. Thank goodness for that "lilley pond in me back garden" Rolf. Penguins are shit anyway. They stink of fish and fall over backwards when a plane flies overhead.

Put a net over the pond. A heron ate all my fish.

I adopted one at London Zoo for the wife. She got papers for it and all sorts of things including a photo(unsigned). But it caught some horrendous disease and all the penguins got put down. They probably caught it off Rolph Harris who was always at London Zoo back then. I don`t think he washed his hands regulalrly after going for a slash. Harris killed the penguins.

Get yourself a goldfish

Bluebell Polka: Jimmy Shand

The Philosophy of Risk by Dougal Haston. He was a Scots mountaineer and all round nutter that climbed Everest from a previously thought unclimbable route. The book is basically his diary ramblings and recollections from when he was a young kid. Still none the wiser as to what made him tick but a really good read. I vaguely remember either watching the attempt on Everest on TV in `76 or reading about it asa young kid and his name rang a bell when I saw the book. He snuffed it in a skiing accident when he got caught in an avalanche and his scarf wrapped round his neck and choked him to death.

I bought a quarter of strawberry sherbets in some shop in St Andrews yesterday. I also got a quarter of pineapple chunks. This morning I was distressed to learn that my strawberry sherbets had gone all sticky and were sticking to the paper bag they were in. That really hacks me right off. Thank the good Lord that the pineapple chunks are still in good condition.

Glenmorangie is quite nice to be fair. I only really drink spirits anyway. I started drinking them because I have a half pint bladder and was up and down to the bogs all fucking night when I drank pints. I turned to spirits when I realised I was getting just as blootered but I didnt need to go to the gents every ten minutes Sheer fucking laziness. Lambs Navy Rum is awesome. I am firing into some of that right now.

Islay malts are all quite strong and peaty. I don`t like Laphroig as much as Lagavulin. I do find Laphroig a bit harsh sometimes. Lagavulin is smoky and peaty and you probably wont like it at first but its definitely worth persevering with. Once you crack a whisky like that you will probably never go back to drinking Speyside shite again. I like all the island malts. They are all quite different. Highland Park is a good clean whisky if you dont like the strong flavours of the west coast. If you dont want to spend a fortune on an Islay malt then you can buy a blended whisky which only uses the Islay malts. It`s called Black Bottle and its about a tenner. It`s pretty good.

Try Lagavulin

I didn`t realise you had been drinking whisky at night. You`ve not mentioned it before.

It`s a pity they didn`t ACTUALLY ram one down your throat.

Walked up The Cobbler today. The weather was fucking terrible once we got up past the weir thingy. Windy and wet. I was soaked to the fucking skin We were "advised" to go up the hill via that burn thing which is basically a scramble rather than a walk. Felt like chuking it and fucking off back to the car but I`m glad I just got on with it. Was a much harder walk than I was expecting to be honest. Had a look through the eye of the needle thing but it was way too windy to have a go at the summit. Came back down the other way which was altogether more civilised. Some nutter had even made steps. If I had known that way was so easy I certainly wouldnt have gone up the way I did.... Once we got back off the hill the weather totally cleared up. Sun was out, quite warm....

Supposed to be walking up the Cobbler on saturday. Not looking forward to it. I agreed to go on a drunken whim

I know

my cat has kidney failure and will probably die soon

Hurry Up Harry : Sham 69

I like the flavour of the Habs though. They are hot but you get used to it. I dont think they are a mile worse than some of the other ones I have grown either, They make good sauces too. I put chilli sauce on virtually everything

I took a bunch of spuds we got from tesco that were starting to seed and stuck them in the ground in march. They are massive and are starting to flower. Ive never grown potatoes before so I,m hoping they will be ok. Should be ready to start the howking in a few weeks id reckon. Leave only three leaves max on your tomatoes BTW. Thats all thats needed and keep picking the fruit and the plant will keep on producing more and more. Same with chillies. I started growing them a few years ago and they look totally cool when tey are ripening off. And its great fun to have a drunken full of bravado "Habanero eating contest" . I actually cried in pain.