Dennis Bergkamp

I see your chebs and raise you this....

Frankie Cocozza reaches Stirling:

Some mutant just stuck this on my Facebook:

It was an Under 19s team pretty much. Only people I recognised was Ryan Thomson who had played a handful fo first team games and the Spanish keeper who has yet to feature. It was. He looked ok, good touch and can strike a ball really well but tried too much at times and lost the ball a few times as a result. Played left midfield.

Drew 2-2 with Dunfermline in a bounce game today. Team was Bowman, Rowan, Kingsley (Connor Green), Turnbull, Dick, Millar, Brisbane, Faulds, Comrie, Trialist, White. Goals scored by the trialist and Millar.

Would.

If he's behind Neil McGregor he must be f**king horrendous.

Munter?

Que her pals going "youre beautiful", "theres nothing wrong with you" or "you're perfect on the inside and thats what counts" type stuff. I'm tempted to write "because your calorie intake is a significant amount more than the amount that you burn each day which results on weight gain hense the reason you are a fat f**k. Decrease your calorie intake, increase the amount you burn and you will lose weight. Can't do anything about your face though".

Or better still don't use fake tan and don't look like a fucking orange retard.

She'd get it. Also a couple floating about with children wearing those blades to run in like Oscar Prewhatshisname.

Noticed a sudden increase in the "like this if you think guy is a hero" pictures. Annoying to say the least.

A girl I went to school with was at a funeral today. I know this because she checked in that she was "saying goodbye to Granny with 4 others". 43 likes. Deleted.

A guy I worked with and his missus are just back from a week in Tenerife which they went on as a kind of 3 year anniversary celebration. Nothing wrong with that, however there is with this; Their statuses: From Jen to Mark: They live with each other. Humanity has failed. Edited to add they have also uploaded 162 photos to Facebook today. Each. Same ones on each page. Fucking morons.

I hate those type of posts. Obviously it was a horrendous crime, however is Justin Bieber just meant to cut about all miserable on his birthday because of this?

I work for Falkirk.

As above. Kelly scrambled home after some shocking defending from a few yards for 1-0, then they equalised before Alston screamed a beauty in from 25 yards into the top corner. Munn smashed the ball in from the edge of the box after a mistake by their goalkeeper with about 10 mins to go.

Reserves beat Alloa 3-1 tonight in a bounce game. Team was Bowman, Rowan, Bennett, Kingsley, Dick, McGrandles, Brisbane, Dale Fulton, Alston, Munn, Kelly. Should have been more; Kelly "goal" which went over the line wasn't given and Dale Fulton missed a pen. Edit for some shoddy spelling.

Mines is currently full of single munters pretending they're not bothered about being single on Valentines Day

Correct, you cannot lose fat from specific areas of the body. For example, i've heard people say that if you want to lose fat from your arms then you should focus on exercising your arms, however this is incorrect. You cannot choose what part of the bodt fat is burnt from, just your Donald Duck really. The "moobs" are caused by areas of fat being stored in that area of a body. The only way to get rid of them is to exercise at a high intensity. To lose fat it is better to work hard for a shorter time, as opposed to exercise for an extended time. Intensity over time for weight loss, always. To tone a body, weights are the best way. If you want to build muscles then use high weights and only a few reps. However to tone them lower the weight but increase the reps. Find a weight that isn't too easy or hard and then do 30 reps. Remember though that you can have toned muscles but they won't show if they are covered by a layer of fat.

A girl I went to school with today praised her one year old mistake for "peeing beautifully in her potty". This was quickly followed by her friends congratulating her on how clever her consequence of cheap sex with a random guy you met an hour ago in a manky club full of neds was. Girls on Pussbook do my head in!

I don;t bother opening the curtains anymore to see what the weather is like, I just log onto Pussbook.

Decided to give it another chance, had it for a wee while but not properly used it.Reckon it'll all be over within 2 weeks. stebat8

Chicken, Brocolli, Carrott and Pea Stir Fry in a Szechuan sauce with rice.....was amazing!