Killie Zenit

A salutary lesson for us all. Will have a cup of tea instead.

Cool. Will just hit the vodka.

Whit's goin oan?

Just wondering who @Independent_SCO is - it's not official Yes Scotland Twitter, is it?

No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die!

Aye! Aber we had the neu one. Had new German spellings and everything:

One fight, one defeat, back when I was 18. Told a bunch of bams in Kilmarnock's Burns Mall to go eff themselves after they started on me and my mates as we were walking some lassies to the taxi rank at the end of a night out, and they proceeded to casually kick the shite out me. I flailed about like a steaming octopus, but don't think I made contact with any of them. A sober and salutary indication of the extent of my combat abilities, namely f**k-all. I hear the ringleader later barely survived a stabbing and has a scar down his face apparently caused by an axe, so seems like he's started on the wrong folk a couple of times since.

Great final. f**k yer Armageddon. Congratulations, St Johnstone!

My brother convinced his ex that that horrid "Let's go, Andy, let's go" chant at Wimbledon was actually "Come on, Andy, tennis him". This got extended to all pishy sports, such as "I see Scotland got rugby'd tae f**k again yesterday" and "Ha, that's Australia cricketed England's c**t right in at that Ashes." I also mind my mates and I talking about the upcoming World Cup Final in 2006 and how it would be "nice for Zidane" to go out on a high with a win. My mate's sister chips in: "Who, Zidane Hussein?"