flyingrodent

A quick search suggests that actually, the RST statement has gone down a storm. Additionally, it suggests that a clear majority of Rangers fans are completely unaware that Phil McWhatever and Angela Haggerty are just a couple of powerless fannies who write daft things on blogs, and that they seem to think they are instead a multi-tentacled conspiracy throttling Glasgow, or something.

To be fair, this RST statement should be massively offensive... to Rangers fans. I mean, it suggests that Rangers fans literally cannot control themselves in the face of provocation. Even cats and dogs can manage that, if they put their minds to it. Quite thick cats and dogs can manage it. It suggests that whoever the geniuses who run the RST are, they consider their fellow supporters to be thicker than household pets. I don't doubt that the RST are themselves this dense, but I'd like to think the average Bear is a little smarter.

Translation - Rangers Supporters Trust gets its hilariously feeble excuses in early The Rangers Supporters Trust, having previously attended numerous red, white & blue-themed riots, has just enough basic savvy to - recognise an imminent meltdown by their fellow fans when they see one coming, and - are openly acknowledging that this will almost certainly result in news broadcasts full of pissed-up Teddy Bears engaged in chaotic running battles with police and photos of greeting children having their head wounds tended to. We, along with the vast majority of the country's deluded orcs, noted with some amusement the recent advert taken out by Timothy in a Sunday newspaper. We are disconcerted to note that if anything, this advert has only increased the already enormous number of people who are now pointing and laughing at our once-respected club. This is because everyone in Scotland is pure dead jealous and bigoted against us, but the sight of a couple of fannies posting things on the internet has driven us all to apopleptic fits of red-faced spewing bile and snottery tears of impotent rage, and we can no longer be trusted to control ourselves like decent human beings. We all know that our fans are going to kick off and start battering polismen on Sunday, while the nation's news cameras record every thrown bottle and punch, and so it's time for everyone to recognise who will be to blame for the bloodcurdling violence that we are truly incapable of preventing ourselves from indulging in - Thame. Should the worst happen, we hope that the polis will treat people who quietly typed some things on the internet exactly the same as they do the hundreds of raging Bears who will inevitably rampage through the city centre spreading mayhem as they go, because Septic fans typing things on the internet is just as despicable, disgusting and criminal as mobbing and rioting is. In summary, We Are The People and They Started It. (Queen giving the finger Gif)

For every no millions that Hearts don't borrow, Rangers will borrow ten.

Tragic.

Maybe so, although I suspect the game next week will demonstrate neatly which of the two supports is the most butthurt about it.

Shocking behaviour. For £3,000 they could've got at least a week of McCoist on gardening leave. Edit: Just did the sums (at which I am poor) - I reckon £3,000 would be enough to pay McCoist for 25 hours or so of gardening leave. Before tax that is, assuming he's paying any.

People who would prefer that tomorrow's papers are full of stories about what wacky, Rangers-loving geezers they are, rather than articles repeating daft social media rumours about them being arrested in France?

It's not all been bad news for New Rangers fans this week, though. On the upside, Martin O'Neill has come out in solidarity with them. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/former-celtic-boss-martin-oneill-5003277

Given all the shenanigans at that club, they're going to have to spend big if they want to attract a quality manager.

Christ. At this rate, the team are going to have to drive onto the pitch for their next game in a little car with the doors falling off and the boot exploding, then all pile out wearing huge shoes and orange wigs, hooting little horns and hitting each other on the arse with slapsticks.

I just legged it at that part, didn't bother fighting. Anything jumps out on you, shoot it with the shotgun and bolt for the exit.

Christ, even I had no idea there had been so much hilarity. You'd need a Wiki site rather than a blog to document the comedy. Cheers for the suggestions though!

Christ, I missed that one. The man's just openly trolling them now, surely.

My Twitter feed has been alive today with non-Scots marvelling at the utter entitlement and self-pity on display from the Bears in that Speirs piece, so I thought I might post a couple of highlights from the Rangers debacle on my blog, so my pitifully few readers can have a laugh - clearly, they've missed most of the comedy gold. I was thinking of the following, but feel free to suggest anything that I might have forgotten - - For every fiver Celtic spend, we'll spend ten - The pornstar tax adviser and the Prince of Monaco - Showing liquidation the red card and what's left of Scottish football - Mr Custard - Charlie Green's "Rangersitis" and the French chateau he'd bought within a month of quitting - The record-breaking attendances that plummeted as soon as they encountered other full-time teams and started taking tankings

Entertaining to note that the death of Rangers meets all the basic requirements of a tragedy, in the original Greek sense - that the protagonist's downfall was always inevitable due to his various flaws, and that the audience take great enjoyment from the catharsis of his destruction. While we might feel sorry for the protagonist, nobody can deny that he brought disaster upon himself. Compounding the comparison, we've also had a chorus and, with the ludicrous club/company nonsense, a real modern example of the deus ex machina. Some real boohoo, woe-is-us stuff from the supporters in that Speirs article, too. Actual tears of despair.

Prostitution.

I'm certainly one, although maybe not as fervent as you'd like. Bit of an odd one that New Rangers are unable to fulfil a fixture at home for the first time in fifty years, when it's a crunch game against their immediate rivals, isn't it? Ice on the pitch at a venue that's theoretically fully equipped with undersoil heating, I'm hearing. Isn't that strange, that the game would go off. And this, at a time where it's public knowledge that New Rangers need to borrow millions of pounds just to meet payroll, which is the kind of thing every other club in Scotland does without any fuss at all. Very odd, this.

Still, I imagine Rangers' problem with undersoil heating will magically correct itself as soon as they work out who is paying the bills at Ibrox. I imagine there will be no problems at all with an icy pitch, as soon as that happens.

It's a desperately unfortunate coincidence that Rangers' undersoil heating suddenly stopped working at the exact moment that they ran out of money and were playing their main rivals for the title, while the fans were also boiling with hate for the owners. Goodness me, you couldn't script it could you? It all seems so unlikely.

Can't help but notice that Ashley a) appears to be competent and b) puts his money where his mouth is. The Three Bellends, on the other hand, talk a good game and it looks like they're offering the sum total of fvck all, beyond a lot of rattle about bringing the glory days back to Ibrox or something. It looks like Ashley offers stability without glamour - that he'll pump enough money into the club to keep it ticking over and put a team on the park, but he absolutely won't jizz outrageous amounts of cash up the wall in a doomed chase for glory like the Keystone Kops. The Bellends, on the other hand, seem to be offering the moon on a stick, with no stick. From our BRALT experience, which of these two benefactors do we think the Rangers fans are likely to swing their considerable weight behind for the foreseeable future? (On a bit of a side note: I well remember that back in the 90s, in the absence of Fergus McCann, Celtic's other option was to be bought out by a consortium involving Jim Kerr out of Simple Minds and, allegedly, members of U2. Every time I think of it, I thank God that Fergus won that battle... Although of course, Ashley is no Bunnet).

"Social unrest" imminent

Peter or Paul?

A proper circular firing squad going on over Ibrox way yet again, it seems. You can only imagine how hilarious this will get if Hearts pump them 4-0 tomorrow night.