Monster

Of course not! The part in brackets should explain - I just sometimes wish I had the freedom you have and was trying to scare you into having one

Ah....an ageing spinster who will spend her remaining years withering away like a prune. Someone who has never experienced the miracle of being a parent and is somehow empty inside and unfulfilled. You must experience this finest of natures miracles before your womb is as dry as the Sahara! Act now before it's too late! (If i have to have one of the little b*****ds, I don't see why YOU should be exempt!)

Nae luck, I don't have a hitlist - it's only the internet after all.

Don't push it - let Mrs.Kilt think it was her idea for you two to get back together. Good luck.

Absolutely. Support your own team and not some no-hopers living in the shadow of the MIGHTY MAGPIES! How many points on your licence now?

Easier than you might think. 8 out of the 10 beds in the SCBU in Inverclyde Royal were occupied by withdrawal babies screaming in pain 24/7, Cal was in another and the remaining one was a girl! Anyone that has any shred of sympathy for junkies whatsoever really ought to spend an hour in there listening to newborn babies withdrawing.

Franz Ferdinand - Take me out

I have no problem with that! My petty irritation is that in my local shop they buy scratchcards and alcopops, then chat to the lassie behind the counter, play with their mobile phone(always the very latest £200 one), brusquely deny little Kelly-Chantelle-Marie-Britney whichever overpriced sweet they are thrusting in the direction of the counter with a Vicky Pollard-esque expression. It's not that I care about the scrounging tart or her doomed microchip laden brat particularly,I just want to buy my 8 cans of Carlsberg and GTF home after my work!!

........and purchase scratchcards and Archers Aqua.

I've had to use it to pay for the medicine prescribed by the GUM clinic you filthy little man!

Nah, somebody took care of that earlier for me!

Emphatically, YES!

The View - Going down.... Not any more, cos CONNOR HAS GONE!!

Correct. They are clearly head of an international ring of Vauxhall thieves. Scum of the highest order. Hangings too good for 'em!

You have a stolen car mate.

Aye Rowan, my mother-in-law hates me too, but she doesn't bother showing it any more because for years now I've just smiled at her more. They hate that!

Kaiser Chiefs - Angry Mob. Not bad actually.

The Killers - Jenny was a friend of mine

I concur. I think it means getting the girls I-Pod playlist.......

Women who pilfer their mans beer and complain about the free beer instead of buying their own preference.

Take that back or I shall throw my collection of Paris Hilton cookbooks and dog walking manuals at you!

I'm blushing and giggling like a schoolgirl now.

Is it a gay resort you're going to work at in Italy then?

Are you still here? When do you piss off to Italia?

Or could it be that i'm just not vacuous or shallow enough to care what the jumper looked like in comparison to the heartwarming fact that my granny knitted it?