Fae_the_'briggs
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Posts posted by Fae_the_'briggs
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When you go into a shop 10 or 15 minutes before their advertised closing time and the assistants have already cashed up and are standing with their coats on ready to leave.
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I almost ran him over at a pedestrian crossing in Chorley (Dave Spikey). He was crossing against the lights. I would have been blameless. One of life's missed opportunities perhaps.
Funny bloke Dave Spikey I think.
I had a similar experience with Nigel Pavaro (Terry Duckworth in Corrie) quite a few years ago during the Edinburgh Fringe. I was on my way to Meadowbank Stadium where the then Meadowbank Thistle were playing QotS and Mr. Pavaro (and a couple of others) walked across the road in front of me. I had to brake hard but they carried on in ignorance.
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If i get to that stage I'll move to a bungalow. What the hell would happen if you were in one of these things and there was a power cut? It must have happened at some time.I recall an episode of Phoenix Nights where Peter Kaye's character got stuck halfway up the stairs during a power cut which immobilised his stairlift and he couldn't get to the toilet. Suffice to say the smell that met his rescuer, Dave Spikey, was not pleasant.
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I got a pile of these cheap from work the other day. I've eaten about four boxes in the past 20 minutes.
That's some size of box they come in though.
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Waiting at the end of a film or other TV programme to see the names of the actors and they shove the credits over into a wee space at the side to advertise another programme.
And continually showing trailers for programmes weeks in advance and so often that by the time the programme finally comes on you are too fed up to watch it.
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People who press the button at a pedestrian crossing, then cross without waiting for the lights to change.
Annoys me when I'm driving but must confess to sometimes doing the same when in pedestrian mode. Most times however I don't press the button but wait for a break in traffic and cross.
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If the BOD were running roughshod over the Club and the fans and club were suffering as a consequence I could see the possible merit of trying to get a fans spokesman on the Board. The present Board members are serving the Club admirably and should be congratulated for the developments both on and off the field. Unlike some fans I don't see the need for the Board to inform us of every detail regarding behind-the-scenes activities, and as Palmy-Cammy suggests there may be personal agendas in any move to get a fans Rep on Board.
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It was positively encouraged back then I would imagine. I take it that a sprig of white heather was used for the said tickling.The induction ritual of having your Jock tickled would also be frowned upon by the BBC these days.
At least in public.
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Aye course the pegs are part of the medicinal compound, ya daft lummock. What the f**k would I want with pegs otherwise?
Too many folk so easily offended these days.
I will get the lucky heather though just in case. How long does the common gypsy curse last these days, I bet they aren't as good as the ones we got when we were lads, eh?
Ps. Wasn't it actually lucky WHITE heather?
And reported for daftlummockaphobia.
I remember there used to be a Club exclusively for white heather, no other colour was allowed. Andy Stewart was the President I believe. They wouldn't get away with that nowadays, quite rightly.
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Make do & mend is my motto, was thinking a good cow pat rubbed on the troubled area should sort it.
Is it gypsy day, I could do with some pegs.
Am I allowed to say gypsy in here?
It's usually bullshit and not cow shit that comes to mind when your involved old Grimbo. Do you want the pegs to clip on your nose to block the offending whiff of the applied medication? Perhaps maybe you should also get some lucky heather from the representative from the travelling fraternity to ward off any curse bestowed in case the term you used is derogatory. I can't keep up with what is and isn't acceptable name-calling any more.
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Does the petal pin insertion stem from another injury? Hope the surgeons have got to the root of the problem now and leafs him fit for the rest of the season.
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I don't normally bother signing off in here to you bunch of senike auld c***s.
Sciatica X
Try rubbing in some horse liniment, available from all good vets, you'll be out hurdling fences in no time.
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No, it's because you are an unfit auld cnut who should be starting to take it easy. You are obviously to injured to give your usual sign-off signature.I done me back in at training on Thursday night, me right leg feels like me muscles have been torn off the bone. So I greeted off going to watch the match on Saturday. Is it my age?
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Who was the first to confuse Castle Greyskull and Snake Mountain in reference to Ibrox, i.e. who called it Castle Greyskull when what they should have meant was Snake Mountain? Castle Greyskull is where the good guys live, and that's definitely not Ibrox. Snake Mountain is where all the bad c***s live. That is Ibrox.
Why is this mistake still made?
I think Zombieland would be an appropriate name for Ibrox, a place inhabited by beings who refuse to accept that they have been dead for a few years.
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Who gives their bank details to a stranger on the street anyway?
Aw, and I thought that you and me were pals BFTD.
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Tommy O'Hara has died.
Sad news. A great midfielder and probably one of Queens better players in the years that I have watched them.
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Wasn't there a story a couple of weeks ago about some bloke in China selling "fresh air".
An elderly relative who lived in London at the end of WW2 used to tell me that Yank soldiers bought tins of London Smog to take home as a souvenir.
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Do moths eat clothes?
It thought that was just an urban myth.
That's why you used to put mothballs in the wardrobe to scare off the moths. Well if someone was going to cut off your balls and hang them up you would think twice about going there to eat the clothes. It must have involved a magnifying glass and very small knife to harvest the mothballs, and they smelled hellish. Maybe the WWF has banned this cruel practice 'cos you don't seem to get mothballs now.
ETA: Facts You Made Up thread for this pish.
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Folk who don't know the difference between"your" and " you're"...
And FWIW, anyone who says they have "the flu" and are walking about, haven't got flu. If you can walk more than 10 feet you've not got flu. If you've got flu, you'll KNOW you have flu.
Flu.
"There" and "their" also get mixed up quite often.
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According to a lot of weather forecasts on radio and TV we are about to be visited by a Nordic God. What other explanation can there be for them saying that there is a Thor coming and milder weather is on the way. Can it be that they actually mean that a thaw is coming.
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That's gonna go right up the walls and I've just painted them.
Always best to paint bathroom walls brown IMO.
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One of the few things I like about getting auld is that you are expected to be a bit of a moaning, argumentative and forgetful git. I try not to disappoint.
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A man with a bad stutter goes to see the doctor.
"D d d doctor my w w wife is g g go going to leave m m m me cos she c c ca c can't s s stand my s s s stuttering any m m m more. Can you c c c c cure it."
The doc tells the man to strip off so he can examine him.
"Interesting, said the doc, "I have heard of this problem but this is the first time I have seen it. You have an extra-long penis which is putting strain on you vocal cords. The only cure is to operate, remove the extra-long penis and graft on a smaller one. The new penis will function just as well as the longer one."
"Th th that sounds a b b b bit d d drastic d d d d doc, I b b better s s see wh wha what my w w wife thinks" said the man.
Of home he goes and explains things to his wife.
"I'm not sure, she says, "your big cock really satisfies me and is one of the reasons I've put up with your stutter for so long, but if the new penis works alright I would rather get rid of you stutter".
Arrangements are made with the doctor and the man has the necessary operation which is a success. No more stutter.
About a month later however the man is back in at the doctors. "Doctor, I'm sorry to bother you but since the operation my wife is complaining that she is not satisfied with the small penis during lovemaking and she is threatening to leave again. Is there any chance i can get my big cock put back on"
"N n n n no fu fu fu fucking ch ch chance" said the doctor.
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Lemsip and cough mixture (not at the same time obviously) and plenty of water.
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If i get to that stage I'll move to a bungalow. What the hell would happen if you were in one of these things and there was a power cut? It must have happened at some time.
Porridge
in The General Nonsense Forum
Posted
Made with water, a little salt and add milk before eating. That's how I have mine and I couldn't care less if anyone disagrees.