Fae_the_'briggs
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Posts posted by Fae_the_'briggs
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That's what the chalk is for. You write your name assess & phone number on each pebble so that if you are lost on the pebbly beach the polis can come and pick up your pebbles & return them home for your family to have something to remember you by. Silly sausage.
Grimbo
If I had to carry pebbles big enough to get all that info on I wouldn't be able to walk very far anyway so less chance of getting lost I s'pose. Sometimes remembering my name, address and phone number can be a bit of a problem anyway so I had some labels made to sew inside my clothes. I thought that this was a good solution until 1 day I had an unfortunate accident and ended up in A & E. I was quite traumatised and confused and struggling to remember my name but the staff were most helpful trying to get the details. I managed to tell them to look at the label inside my jacket. It turns out that my name and address is Mr. George, 44L Do Not Dry Clean, Asda.
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Acoustics
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Outcast
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Silly auld fart. You turn your pebbles upside down so they stand out.
A cunning plan, thank-you sir.
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Avoid
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Had a similar incident at the Fun Factory on Sunday.
Took great pride in telling a wee lassie that she was "
a wee shit""not a very nice person" for calling my daughter something rude (fatty tights, for some reason, she is neither fat, nor was she wearing tights. Actually, maybe she was aiming this insult at me).I'm surprised at this post Mozza, doesn't the Court Order ban you from attending any places where children congregate.
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This days are called misery days I meant mystery days.
The other all weather more is to carry around a bag of pebbles & place them along the way, the main restriction is youse are quite limited to how far you can get.
Grimbo
I suppose you think you're smart. I took your advise when I went for a walk along the beach. Unfortunately it was a long, pebble covered beach and I couldn't find my way back to my car. Four hours I wandered about for and it was getting dark. When I didn't arrive home in time to watch Eggheads my family became worried and alerted the coastguards who eventually found me. So dropping pebbles to mark your path isn't always a good idea.
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I think we are all friends here so I feel I can share this story without feeling embarrassed.
I recently visited the doctor with a problem regarding my bowel movements. He asked if my bowel movements were regular and I advised it happens without fail every morning at 7 a.m. The doctor was a bit unsympathetic and didn't see what the problem was. The problem, I informed him, is that I don't waken up til 7:15.
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Re: Football Boots.
When I was but a lad my first pair of boots were hand-me downs that were at least one size too big for me. They were plain brown leather (no fancy colours or go-fast stripes back then) of sturdy build, with nail-in studs and I had to wear about two extra pairs of socks to make them fit. Looking back on the failures in my life I blame those boots for my inability to realise my dream of becoming the next Stanley Mathews instead having to play more like Stanley Unwin. **
ETA: If you have to gooogle any of these names you are obviously too young to be on this thread.
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X Factor and Strictly Come Prancing should be on with Loose Women and Jeremy fukcing Kyle early in the morning. About 3 a.m. would be ideal.
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Is farting acceptable at a urinal? Always wondered if I'd get manhandled if I let rip and wasn't seated.
P&B's good for getting the important answers about life from real manly men, I find.
In some establishments it's positively encouraged. If "manhandling" is what you crave then maybe a diet of sprouts before you go out will help. It will at least increase you chances of meeting that someone special.
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How else do you make it to the lavvy?
If you've got proper flu and are not able to make it to said lavvy a bucket by the bed can be handy for bodily excretions from all orifices. Modern regulations will probably dictate that separate, different coloured, buckets should be used for waste from each orifice. This idea is better if you are lucky enough to have a good lady to empty the bucket(s) every now and again but if you are alone maybe more than 1 bucket will be required.
It was worse in the good old days, at least now if you have to struggle to the lav you don't have to put on a coat, slippers, etc, to go to the outside cludgie.
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Just a thought but I was wondering how many of the fans booing and berating the players yesterday are on other sites urging better vocal support for the team at home games. If the team is playing rubbish they should not be surprised that the fans vent their frustration whether it be at home or away. I wouldn't like to think that some supporters are guilty of double standards.
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Unknown
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When I was a boy you went guising at Halloween, none of this this "Trick or Treating". Get dressed up, go to a few neighbours houses, earn your nuts, apples and tablet by singing a song or reciting a poem. You didnae just knock at strangers' doors, shout Trick or Treat and stick your hand out hoping to get a pound or two in cash. And the build up to Christmas didn't start until about a week before the big day. That's when decorations went up and the excitement began to build. Nowadays the decorations are up in the middle of November and the adverts on the TV are whipping everyone up into a spending frenzy and if you don't spend 500 pounds on each of your weans' presents you are not classed as fit to be a parent. By the time Christmas Day comes around the novelty and anticipation has worn off, half the decorations have disappeared and the tree lost all its needles weeks ago. And sending out Christmas Cards, that's another added stress. Should you send one to such and such 'cos they didn't send one last year, but you better just in case. Send them to friends and neighbours even though you see most of them every day and could wish them a Merry Christmas without needing to buy cards to do it. Whose still alive, whose changed addresses? The fact that I am not a believer in the real reason we "celebrate" Christmas is apparently not good enough to escape all the hassle, tradition and conformity dictate that we must be seen to be taking part, and the stress is apparently all part of the Festive Experience.
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Bloody bed blocker.
Try saying that fast after having a couple of shandies.
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Wood you stop stealing Zen's patter?
Time to ditch this conversation.
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You're just green with envy.
I have no bias.
Jack it in you pair
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Modern bloody cars. You can't do your own servicing 'cos they're all set up by computer nowadays. More gizmos so more things to go wrong.
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I'm not sure she was that young or scantily clad, and I'm not sure Anthony Head was a pensioner, but aye, f**k off hen. Naebody chaps doors asking for a cup of coffee!
I was imagining the scenario of the young lady chapping at my door asking for coffee. Anthony Head can gtf.
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Crap modern remakes of great old films.
Were you going to say the old Gold Blend adverts pissed you off?Aye, who wants to be bothered wi' a scantily clad young wummin chappin at the door looking to borrow some "coffee". Buy yer ain f-ing coffee and don't come cadging off a poor pensioner.
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Coffee is the annoying one.
Ask for one in a shop and they give you a menu ffs.
Capacrapachinate.? Whit ?
White, 3 sugars, and f**k right off if you want a tip at those prices.
Yep it used to be you just asked for a coffee or some fancy places served esspresso (bubbly milky coffee).
I mind when I was a youngster you could only record 1 programme on your Sky plus box , now you can record three whilst watching a 4th programme on your TiVo box . Bloody kids these days don't know their born
Tomorrows World hadn't even heard of Sky+ but I remember when satellite tv was the big thing to come they said you could make a receiver dish using a dustbin lid.
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Whilst reading some of the earlier posts I thought would add one of my own but I'm buggered if I can remember what it was I was going to write. It'll maybe come back to me later on when I'm making the cocoa.
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She's dirtier than I'd imagined.
Probably thought he had it in but was only shagging a flabby wrinkle. Still the end result is the same.
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Word Association
in The General Nonsense Forum
Posted
Strumming