carpetmonster
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Posts posted by carpetmonster
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1 hour ago, Barry Ferguson's Hat said:
Global warming - not real
Sasquatches - real
It’s telling that there’s never been a Climate Change And The Hendersons
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He’ll be glad to get a bye off that awful daughter Veruca.
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Just now, RawB93 said:
Upon seeing close ups of the crowd, it's hard not to believe being a *** is genetic.
I read that as ‘generic’ which still works.
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7 minutes ago, D Angelo Barksdale said:
Brother Beaton ? More like Cardinal Beaton imo.
Berrwivesurgettin Beaton
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12 minutes ago, ICTChris said:
The guy who made it also made a documentary about the benefits of silicone breast implants. So global warming - made up; massive tits - very good.
It's a political programme I can get on board with.
I don’t see there’s a conflict in the two. Miami’s arguably the plastic surgery capital of the world and also meant to be largely underwater in a century. So if there’s plenty of skilled surgeons that can put massive norks into you that you can float around on it’ll ease the evolution into folks becoming mer-people.
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6 minutes ago, Bigmouth Strikes Again said:
WTF has twitter got to do with this? People on here calling it a load of shite, without even watching it.
Dearie fucking me.
We get limited time on this earth. When 99% of the punters who know what they’re talking about go ‘aye this is thing’ and then a couple of random wee guys go ‘eh, naw it isnae’, it’s expedient to balance it out and reason that the punters who know what they’re talking about know what they’re talking about. I mean, what’s the worst scenario here? The planet isn’t fucked? Yay, then.
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15 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said:
Well, you do live in Chicago...
Not even that! It only got properly cold for about a week around New Year this winter. It’s to be 21C on Monday according to the forecast.
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1 hour ago, Sherrif John Bunnell said:
Another victim of Humza's chilling woke Stasi hate crime law.
At least nobody could accuse this one of being performatively stupid.
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8 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said:
"36"
Maybe he didn’t even send a dirty picture. Wouldn’t take too much in the way of photoshop skills to knock one up
ETA - well, a bit more than I’ve got, obvs.
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2 minutes ago, bighen89 said:
Mon the DUUUU.
I’ve always been a bit shy of seeing folks past their ‘prime’ - when I was about 18 loads of my mates went to see James Brown at Crathes Castle but I dingied it because I didn’t want to see an old James Brown; his best live shit was before my time and I’m ok with that. Bob Mould played a neighborhood street fest in Chicago a couple of years back so I figured I should go and he did a few Husker Du tracks and I didnt know seeing him do them was on my bucket list until he did. He’s still tight as utter f**k, 20 songs in the space of an hour.
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1. Bad Brains - S/T
2. Team Dresch - Personal Best
3. Never Mind The Bollocks
4. Husker Du - New Day Rising
5. Sleater-Kinney - Call The Doctor
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There's an NFL analyst/ex-player called Jonathan Vilma and I'd love him to have a daughter called Wilma because it'd be the Chic Murray joke about the pole vaulter brought into reality.
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2 hours ago, Richey Edwards said:
I'd want to see a doctor if this song kept playing in my head as well.
My kid used to play that all the time on the Alexa, it’s not so bad. It was when she had ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ on about 6 times on the bounce I threatened to hit her with it.
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8 minutes ago, tamthebam said:
don't they have ranches for that kind of thing?
Quite possibly. It’s another theory of how Ted Cruz came to be, alongside the more generally accepted one that he’s 10,000 cockroaches in a skin suit, like your man off Men In Black.
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2 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fmmFO3uf90
It won't embed, but here's a news report on Buc-ee's bathrooms.
Buc-ee’s is really big in places where there’s f**k all else to do. Think of it as like a department store for things that suburban Texans would like; you get a whole wall of beef jerky, that type of thing.
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2 hours ago, GHF-23 said:
This is something I've been looking into quite a lot recently, as we're currently in the process of getting me a green card so we can move to my wife's hometown. The cost of living, particularly in major cities, is frighteningly high, but for us it looks like moving over and doing the same jobs at the same level of experience we'd end up with a lot more disposable income than we do in the UK. The flip side is that means retirement/saving a deposit for a home is more or less starting again for us in our early 30s, which is a bit of a worry.
You can keep paying your NI stamp from overseas, should you have any confidence the UK state pension will still be a thing when you hit that age. Also in the US, once you start to draw it, you’ll get any increases - again, chance would be a fine thing, but there’s a decent bet some Tory c**t will try to buy votes off blue rinsers with something like that - it’s not locked at the amount it is when you start to draw it like it would be if you were in Canada, say.
Medical insurance is a big one tho. We have pretty decent cover, but it’s about $15k pa with us paying $7k and my wife’s company paying $8k. And lack of public transport is something you’re gonna have to deal with unless you move to one of about a handful of cities.
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45 minutes ago, velo army said:
They aren't that underrepresented though. According to the 2011 census black people made up 0.13% of the population and the majority of those were first generation immigrants. How many folk who move to a country become that politically involved?
A little diversion but a cool story - German immigrants to Chicago (aided and abetted by some Irish) rose up against anti-immigrant Mayor Levi Boone after he decreed pubs were to be closed on Sunday. Boone was emptied within a year of taking office for the immigrants preferred candidate James Curtiss.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lager_Beer_Riot
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3 hours ago, Scary Bear said:
He looks like the sort of c**t I have in my mind when I think ‘who buys an XL Bully’.
‘Tonight Matthew, I’m going to be Jock from The Young Offenders after having let the wee ones do some potato printing on his ear’
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3 hours ago, HeWhoWalksBehindTheRows said:
Saw them and Pete & Bas in Glasgow last month, great fun!!
Jealous mate! I’d love to catch them but I can’t really see the yanks getting it. Or Norman being allowed on planes.
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2 hours ago, Cosmic Joe said:
The best ever minute's silence was at Tynecastle at half-time after the Queen's death was announced.
Comedy gold. If anyone could provide a link
You might get it from the link in this tweet - it says 'watch' - I'm not getting a video in the article but I might be region-blocked
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2 hours ago, Dee Man said:
Pish.
2 hours ago, Freedom Farter said:Shite.
'I'm going for a number three, that's a piss and a shit and a w**k in a tree'
(Nobody Likes Me, The Northern Boys)
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1 minute ago, Uncle Scan said:
I saw him at one of those 80s weekends that Butlins does.
He was really funny because he wasn't doing the suitable for TV stuff.
Changed my opinion of him and he went down really well
Did he take his troosers off?
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8 minutes ago, cyderspaceman said:
Paywall for me, I'll never know.
FREE speech’ is the latest buzz-phrase for right-wingers and ranters. Here’s how to bang on about it furiously without understanding it.
Have a very limited definition of it
By ‘free speech’ you really mean ‘me droning on about my predictable right-wing obsessions’, which are ALWAYS transgenderism, ‘woke’, BLM, etc. If aliens landed tomorrow, they would assume ‘free speech’ meant hating feminists.
Post a quote you don’t really understand
‘I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it’ is what you should be posting furiously with a picture of Voltaire, even though he didn’t actually say it. Worse still, it refers to his right to criticise religion. And the b*****d was French.
Look thick as pigshit
Talk a lot about ‘free speech’, but in a way that shows you haven’t given it two seconds thought, eg. ‘Brexit is my freedom of speech. So shut up, Remoaners.’
Use it in a trivial context
‘Free speech’ is often used in the context of oppressive regimes that do terrible things to dissidents. If you’re Piers Morgan or one of his supporters, claim a tabloid TV interview with celebrity royals is ‘a hill to die on’, even though no one has been killed or tortured, except perhaps those who watched the whole two hours.
Be hilariously paranoid
If a few leftie students are trying to no-platform some oddball speaker, it’s clearly only a matter of time before Winston Churchill is completely erased from British history, right?
Oppose free speech
Don’t even pretend not to be totally partisan. Make it clear that you think the people being censored and persecuted are Laurence Fox, Nigel Farage and Tommy Robinson. Then when someone has the temerity to point out this is bollocks, say it’s an attack on your free speech.
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Conspiracy Theories
in The General Nonsense Forum
Posted
Yeah, Marge’s boyfriend among them. Maybe I should try to find him on Tuesday and tell him that all my family got raptured but I didn’t, so he mustn’t have either.