IainMorton

Steven Gerrard is set to release a book about his time at Liverpool. It won’t have a title.

Can’t even troll properly...

The way the English media cream themselves over the Kop end at Anfield.

Went to a fancy dress party wearing only my underwear - Host - what are you meant to be? Me - a premature ejaculation Host - what? Me - I’ve just come in my pants

Going to sell all my old John Lennon memorabilia on eBay. Imagine all the PayPal.

Woke up at 4 this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep, been sitting in work since 8:30 struggling to stay awake.

Depends when you ordered it. If you received the delivery before actually ordering it, this is not normal.

A Scotsman, Englishman, Irishman and stunning blonde are sitting on a train. The train goes through a tunnel and is plunged into darkness when all of a sudden, a loud 'smack' can be heard. When the train emerges back into daylight, the Englishman is sitting holding his face which is now bright red. The Irishman thinks "he must have made a move on her in the tunnel and she's slapped him, good on her" The blonde thinks "he must have wanted to feel me up and got one of them by mistake, and they've whacked him" The Englishman thinks "someone must have tried it on with her, and she thought it was me" The Scotsman thinks "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can smack that English b*****d again"

What’s the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch, the other watches your snatch.

Seriously need to stop with political stuff as it's not funny, just like the other 90% of it too...

Craig Whyte £1 coin.

Aye, shite.

Paisley 2021. Good start

Almost as annoying as they guy who presents the show and the tedious sucking through the teeth he does when moving on to the next game...

That last set was mental!!

Just opened a Christmas card and a Yorkshire pudding fell out. Thanks, Aunt Bessie.

Not a big Oasis fan but watching Supersonic on BBC2 just now, makes you think how big this band really is. From going to playing club gigs to 250,000 people at Knebworth in the space of 4/5 years is something a new band these days can only dream of.

Behave yourself, 6 inches is enough...

Thanks for that

For sale - full set of encyclopaedias. No long required. Got married. Wife knows everything.

Did you call in a plumber?

What exactly was he expecting to happen? That the sign would magically move out his way? Moron.

Bought a bottle of Barrs Cola for lunch and thought it tasted strange. Only just realised they have reduced the sugar content in it. First Orange Lucozade and now this?