Iminavest

Get the feeling Isobel might be telling fibs. Just a hunch!

Went to the dr for the first time about stuff at the end of March, some mixture of anxiety/depression but not sure exactly what. Was prescribed sertraline as something to initially try. First few days were a bit grim, not much sleep but slowly started noticing little things. Not obsessing as much over stuff and actually joining a gym, something I’d said I’d do for years but been too nervous or just not had the drive to get round to. Had been back and got another prescription amongst this and told to catch up with a phone appointment in a few weeks. Called to set it up almost two weeks ago and was told dr was on holiday for a couple of days but would get back to me, no problem. Never heard anything after a week so called again and was told the same. It’s been a week again and still nothing. Busted my knee at fives over the weekend so now I’m basically housebound and feeling pretty hopeless. Don’t know if it’s just that or the fact the meds will be wearing off too. Just feels like whenever anything starts to look up there’s inevitably something shit waiting just around the corner.

A dislocated knee cap is shite!

What an album Performance and Cocktails is.

'Blow away the dreams that tear you apartBlow away the dreams that break your heartBlow away the lies that leave you nothing but lost and brokenhearted' I fucking love Bruce tbh.

Definite pen for bayern but absolute scenes!!

Planning to make a few notes beforehand. I’m so used to just getting on with things and not bothering anyone with stuff that I’m afraid I’ll do the same thing when I’m there.

Finally decided to make an appointment with the Dr. last week after worrying about it and mulling it over for ages. Coming up this week but I have no idea where to begin after the inevitable ‘how can I help’ question or how to word things without it coming across as reading a bunch of signs and symptoms straight from the internet.

When making an appointment at your local doctors surgery, is it generally acceptable to request a male/female gp based on a persons preference?

Had a couple of decent days over the past couple of months, not euphorically happy or anything, amongst the usual mundane nothingness. Followed by a day of feeling down to the point of tears then just numb.

It's not a case of coming across as boring, I just don't really feel like I care about anything or anyone enough to take a proper interest.

As long as I can remember really. That's probably also true. All my friends are the same ones since school, still don't feel like I fit in.

I feel like I have no personality. Even speaking with friends I've known for years feels like a struggle and comes to awkward silences.

There's a great line in Brain Fallons song 'Rosemary' "And everybody's hurt, and mine ain't the worstBut it's mine and I'm feelin' it now"

Been coasting through for a while now, often feel like I'm just sort of there and not really part of anything. A bit like an extra in everyone else's lives. I don't have song opinions or emotions on anything and I've never really felt connected to anyone, even family or friends. Just sort of empty. Socially I always feel like I'm faking it and I don't really enjoy people's company. I never feel like I have anything to say. Searching for canned responses when I talk with people, what I think they want to hear or how I think I should react. Conversations never flow naturally. I've always figured this was just me, a bit of an introvert. Have been chatting to a girl online for a couple of months in a very casual sense, messaging away most days and she seemed at ease with my quirks. Met up a couple of times and it didn't feel much different to other people but I felt more at ease. Actually think I like her more than I had realised. Told her this and she said she wasn't looking to get into anything, just to see people casually, which wasn't unexpected and I knew from the beginning. But it's totally floored me which I just can't get my head around. Still speaking away but it's sort of cutting me up. Not sure if this is the best place to put this but just felt I had to write something down.