Raith Against The Machine

Do you still have to wear the shorts?

Fucking hell, this cold snap really is bad!

Old people, smold people! It's bloody freezing outside, and the last thing I want is to be standing about for 20 minutes because Frankie The Friendly Bus Driver has been taking his time caring for Old Ada's hip. I want Barry The b*****d Bus Driver who doesn't give a feck about the pile of old crumblies littering the back of the bus, but is on time and gets me to the pub sans-frostbite.

Feckin' Irish

What purpose do toenails serve? Why do we have them?

If someone is willing to take on Ferry's contract, we'd probably be as well letting him go. He doesn't play enough to justify keeping him, if there's interest. Looking at the amount of time he plays, his place could be taken by an Under 19, given that it's just 15 minutes at the end of the odd game. Maybe not quite as effective on the park, but definitely more cost-effective.

-15! I'm impressed.

Oi, you. I'm refusing to use the new "status updates" from now on, but I just read your latest one. What's wrong with Dalgety Bay Sports Centre, eh eh eh?

...status updates? P&B is not Facebook. Stop trying to be Facebook. That's what Facebook is for. Oh, I see that you can also "Like" this post. What next? Am I going to be poked?

This is pretty much old news by now, but I've been lying in bed all day so I'm only just seeing these changes. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? I'm so confused. I've managed to get rid of Kenny Miller, so that's a start.

Make that three times! Bloody frozen skoosh. For some reason, the one for the rear window still works though. Anyway, a quick question... Looking at the above picture (Joining the M9 at Junction 9, heading East, coming from Bannockburn) I'm in the car following the red arrows. I have to stop at the blue line, because there's usually traffic coming round the roundabout. Should I be in the green lane, or the pink one? I usually stick to the green, but there is a turn off before the one I'm going for, so should I actually be in the pink lane, ready to move out once I've passed the first exit, before the second (the one I want)? Whenever I drive it, it's never busy enough to be a problem, but I do wonder which line is actually correct. I hope that's all pretty clear, but it probably isn't.

I'm not sure there's much you can do, but I wish there was. In the last week I've driven down the M9 twice with hardly any fecking visibility. The first time I had to pull in at the services at Stirling and clean my windscreen with Sprite Zero. It sort of "allows" them because it doesn't really have much choice. There was a treaty at some point around 1900 that granted the US control of Guantanamo Bay, but Fidel and co don't recognise this, and think it was signed illegally. There's f**k all they can really do about it, though. Cuba does actually receive rent cheques from the US, but doesn't cash them. One was cashed by mistake at some point, and the US claim that means the treaty was ratified.

I was just about to head to the shops, and now I'm definitely going to get myself some chicken and a nice curry sauce. P&B, helping indecisive feckers decide what to have for dinner, since 2003.

Aye, you can brown the mince in the bottom of a saucepan with a bit of oil, but you're probably better to use a frying pan if you don't mind the extra washing up. Once it's browned, just tip it into the saucepan and add the curry sauce, then Bob's yer maw's brer.

You can do it just as easily in a saucepan, instead of a wok. Just make sure you keep stirring it so it doesn't stick to the bottom. Balti is by far one of the worst though... Much prefer a nice madras or a jalfrezi.

I think there should be a press conference every time nothing happens. I'd like to know that Man Utd definitely haven't put in a bid for Robert Sloan, and I'd also like it confirmed that aliens haven't stolen the Railway Stand and replaced it with a hologram.

Well, yeah, but I'm loathe to even tell you what it is, because it's the worst bus in the history of the world. The 78 goes through every god forsaken hell hole inbetween the two, and goes well out of its way to visit some specially. It's actually changed since I last got it, but I don't imagine it's any better.

There's a bus that'll take you straight from Buchanan Street. X26 Timetable X24 Timetable I'm not sure which is quicker, or which suits you better, but that's the two express buses. They'll be much quicker than the train, which you'll have to change at least once, and probably twice. The Sheriff Court is more or less just across the road from the bus station.

There's a little eskimo somewhere, lying at the foot of a glacier, with the tears from his eyes frozen to his cheeks, trying to hug his own knees for warmth, because a polar bear stole his parka, and gnawed off his toes (although he didn't notice, cos they were frozen too). You know what he's thinking? "Thank f**k I'm not in Dunc's flat. I'd be freezing!" In short, I'm cold.

It seems that John McGlynn leaving isn't anywhere near as much of a foregone conclusion as we were thinking. The Irish press seem to be all over Bohemians' gaffer Jim Fenlon for the post, and he was definitely interviewed yesterday, down in London, and Thompson only went down to London so he could speak to Billy McKinlay about the job.

Happy days Cheers.

What are the roads like in Stirling, Mr T? I'm driving back through today and could do with a little confirmation that they're pretty clear.

What is it, Skippy?

Oh, good, I'm getting fed up with this fecking heatwave, the dug's aboot deid.

I'm pretty sure there's a set sequence of moves that lead you to the finished article. Obviously, I'm not going to Google that for you, because then what would you have learned?