Raith Against The Machine

I didn't quite develop my point about the vouchers fully last night. This Christmas "etiquette" (not the right word, can't think, might edit later) that says you have to give vouchers instead of cash isn't really benefiting anyone. If you want to give someone something to the value of (say) £25, and you can't think of an actual present (which is completely understandable) then the next step seems to be going into HMV and turning your hard-earned cash into vouchers. Now, this is the bit that I don't agree with. You're essentially forcing the person that you're giving the vouchers to, to spend that money in HMV. What if they don't want to? What if HMV doesn't have the DVD that they really want, or what if (like me) they don't buy CDs/DVDs, instead choosing to borrow from the internet, and save their money for stuff like pies and lager. The habit of giving vouchers instead of money is a massive victory for the retail sector. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's been given JJB vouchers that have sat in a drawer all year and never been spent. Net result = JJB gain £20 for absolutely nothing, my Auntie loses £20, and I've neither gained or lost anything. Now, I could just tell my Auntie to stop giving me vouchers and start giving me money, but I'm a thinker, not a doer

Rain

An actual PTTGOYN: I bought a bag of Dorito's out of the all-night garage and I thought it was a big bag, but it was only medium sized. Heartbroken.

Vouchers. I see that Kilt gave his kids vouchers, and I don't want to criticise because it does mean that they have to buy DVDs and books instead of hookers and coke, but they're just a fecking nuisance (which is a difficult word to spell when you've been in the pub all night, by the way). Whilst not technically being vouchers, I got a £25 iTunes giftcard from my Auntie, and while I really appreciate the thought, I've never bought a single song from iTunes in my life, but I could really do with £25 towards my messages for the new year. In the end, I'll probably have to flog this giftcard for £20, meaning my Auntie has lost a fiver. The moral: Fuck "tradition" and "you can't give money for Christmas!" - just gies the cash. It's better for everyone.

Do you have sunglasses? Just lean out the drivers window.

All I asked for was a book to read. All I got was a pack of boxers, a pack of socks, and some bath foam shaped like The Stig, despite the fact I've only got a shower. Hmm. It's not that I'm ungrateful - well, I sort of am - but that's just a bit shit, eh?

Some say Noddy Holder's lost his enthusiasm, and it's hard to argue...

The thing that gets me is one of these new eco-campaigns, which I think is centred around "Drive 5 miles less each week". Aye, that's a good idea, cos usually I just drive 5 miles out my way for the fucking banter.

Orphans Pretty sure that's the one you're after.

PTTGOYN: Chapter titles in books that give away what's about to happen in the forthcoming chapter. Clearly nobody thought to yell "SPOILER ALERT!" at Robert Louis Stephenson when he wrote Kidnapped, because just about every chapter is named after whatever happens at the end of it.

Well, it appears that they were just using a completely new timetable. No doubt labelled "f**k it, just whenever" at the head office. I realise that the roads aren't great, and it's probably not their fault, but a combined waiting time of about an hour and a half, for 10 minutes shopping, has diminished my goodwill.

Salad

I need to go into town to buy a pair of black trousers, because apparently I've ballooned into some sort of grotesque fat b*****d and neither the ones I have in the house, or the pair I ordered that arrived yesterday, even come close to fitting. I'm going to have to try them on in the shop. I can't think of anything worse.

Are the buses, particularly Stagecoach in Fife, running a Sunday service today?

Pagans do seem to have a shitload of festivals. I have a theory. I don't think pagans had thought up the idea of "weeks", with the same seven days in rotation, so they had to think up 365 different names for the days. It makes sense.

That's one of the most horrible things I've ever heard. Boak!

My Mum's greeting about something a speywife told my cousin, apparently relating to my sick Auntie. For f**k's sake. Honestly, would these people just bugger off. It should be a crime.

In other news, John McGlynn has gone straight in at Number 1 at the bookies for the Dundee United job, with odds of 3/1. That surprises me a bit. I don't doubt for a second that he's on the shortlist that the United board are drawing up, Craig Levein almost certainly made sure of that, but I don't think they'll offer him the job. I can see the sense in it, in as much as he's the one man who will continue Levein's good work (assuming his assistant is going to Scotland too), and there's every chance they're happy to just keep on truckin' in the direction they're going. I feel that the fans in particular would rather they went for a bigger name, rather than an up and comer. And who knows, maybe with Craig Levein talking of being bored as Scotland manager, they'll just swap jobs and Levein will manage Rovers part-time...

No...

Because I only just thought it up. It's pure conjecture. I was considering it because I feel that the squad needs to have one proper goalscoring out-and-out striker. At the moment, that is Kevin Smith. If he is no longer at the club, the best replacement I can see would be McAllister. I would agree with Michael though that the finances make it highly unlikely. For a start, I think it's highly unlikely that Brechin will let him go in January - selling him would crush their promotion hopes. I think they'd rather keep him and sacrifice any transfer fee, in the hope of finishing high up the league. Also, we're rookit. If he does survive past January at Brechin, and we aren't relegated at the end of the season, and they aren't promoted, then it wouldn't surprise me at all to see him at Stark's Park next season. Although, if he keeps up his current form throughout the whole season then I could see Ross County/QoS/Dunfermline willing to put up enough money to turn him full time again.

Right then, can I be the first to say that this January's big transfer rumour, as far as the Rovers are concerned, is going to be Rory McAllister joining from Brechin? He's scored ten goals in 16 league games, as well as 3 goals in the 2 cup games he's played in (both against Elgin). Now, with goalscoring stats like that, he'll attract interest from more than little old us. However, I think he's working part-time as a plumber up in the Brechin area, so he could carry that on while playing for us, if he isn't eager to return to full-time football. My reasoning behind why I think we'll take an interest is based on Craig Levein taking the Scotland boss, and the Dundee United manager not being overly keen on having his squad loaned out all over the place, so we'll be without Smith. Now, obviously, McAllister has a contract with Brechin, but I imagine they'll already be resigned to losing him by the end of the year. I don't know if there's any possibility of scraping together funds, but if there is then I can see John McGlynn being keen on trying to persuade Brechin to take what money they can.

Stop phoning Babestation.

An animal, of some sort. Preferably festive. I suggest a donkey.

Him that was in Westlife?

I did the same the other week, only the grill pan was unwashed after I'd made a substantial amount of bacon earlier on. It was like Stars in their Eyes when I went to stick my lasagne in the oven.