Oystercatcher

You're right, my now father in law when I first started dating my now wife thought I was a Catholic because I didn't support rangers, he never spoke to me for the first few months, moronic behaviour

Just finished American dirt. Pretty heavy at times 7/10

Went to a customer this morning to cut their grass. This is how the conversation went. Him "What happened yesterday?" Me " I don't know" Him " c'mon your face is tripping you" Me struggling to think about something that happened yesterday "I don't know what you're talking about" Him " stop carrying on, your team got beat " He thought I was a Celtic fan because I don't support rangers.

They're going to get a coronary when they hear my lawnmower

https://twitter.com/joejglenton/status/1570097943264493569?s=20&t=QNKJTp3ou-QfYDHjXZjynA

He's been caught in a pint glass and papped out in the garden

Came down the stairs this morning went to open the curtains and this big guy has managed to get himself in between the curtain and the lining.

The kings 11

I suppose that's one way of looking at it

I don't know what that means.

As a self employed gardener I have contacted customers that I'm due to visit on Monday asking if they are ok with me doing their gardens on that day. Every single one of them have replied, no problem.

Just got this email. You can't do it if you b&q it.

Holiday Monday cancelled, she's back

ITV broadcasting shyte and manure

I worked in a shop at the time. I had just came back from Belgium where Scotland had been pumped out of qualification for the world cup. My mate phoned me at the shop to tell me what was happening, I left the shop and walked to the co-op dept store in EK where I joined a small crowd watching it all unfold on all the display TVs .

Finally

Despite the fact that America went to war to gain independence from the crown, good luck fella.

They've got a kit man but I'm guessing Darius has left a void somewhere

Accidentally inhaling. Where do you find this stuff that you accidentally inhale it?

I've not heard how much they love Wales and Ireland, only how much they love us.

Parkrun events have been told they will not be asked to cancel

I'm run director at ours this weekend, if it's up to me it'll be going ahead

Didn't think the cameras were rolling, channel 4 news cuts to him saying to someone off camera, she was a wonderful monarch, will that be enough? Quickly cuts back to the studio

Major f**k up there by kier starmer

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CiQFuRNoy-a/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=