Wee man the jackass

Some 7 months ago I watched on in despair as I saw my wonderful club in turmoil. I was deeply disturbed by League Two’s finest supporters turning against one and other. It was clear for all to see that Clyde had lost a sense of unity. The division was visible, the air we shared toxic. But it was not the time for panic, anger or blame. It was the time for action. On a pathway to doom, I knew that I had to step in and bring unity to this fantastic football club. On August 18th 2023, it thereby became my job to carefully craft the kind of universally-hated roaster that could bring The Bully Wee together once more - a figure to focus minds and to get people on the same side. Jimmy Choo on steroids. With that, wee man the jackass was born; a smarmy, pompous, arrogant and abrasive figure who would waste no time in showing himself to be a repugnant individual. Having quickly gained credibility by landing a scoop on the impending arrival of Ian McCall, wee man settled in and showed he was a quick learner, soon developing to use punctuation and capitals, and even finding his now trademark thumbs up emoji Of course, he couldn’t resist but indulge in a bit of low-quality Stenny and Cowden baiting here and there, but old habits die hard. I am pleased to today confirm that the mission has been a complete success. Over an insufferable six months, wee man’s presence has undeniably brought with it a total shift in fortunes for The Bully Wee, as well as an end to the petty arguments which plagued the club earlier in the season. By the season’s end, all could agree that with Maitland and McCall the Clyde would ball, and that with wee man the jackass on mute, Stranraer would get the boot. But now, with my work done, I must bid thee all farewell from the beaches of sunny Greece and slip away into the night. It has been my pleasure to safeguard the future of Clyde FC. Know that if needed, I will always find new ways to protect the club again - and shield it from the fate of jobbing non-entities like Albion Rovers, Berwick Rangers, Cowdenbeath, East Stirlingshire and soon, Stranraer. Today, I am raising a Clyde coloured beverage to The Bully Wee. I do however want to leave my fellow supporters with one final parting gift. As a man close to the club I have my sources, demonstrated perfectly when I got the big McCall right. I am thereby pleased to confirm that Clyde have moved to bolster their forward ranks with the pre-contract signature of former hitman, Craig O’Reilly. I am sure we can all agree that this is a magnificent move, and all look forward to seeing big Craig in a Clyde top once again next year. Love you always, Wee man the jackass x

Well done Mr Fizz. Hope you and all 7 other fans get through this

Who is Iain? Show some respect for the big man

Away from my own clubs fortunes I find myself chuffed for the Sons today. I just hope they're allowed to fulfil their obligations. Anything less would be a total disgrace in my opinion. You don't play all season to be denied the opportunity to get what you've worked for !

Nobody wants to see a team with great SPFL history go down. But as this is now an inevitability I am pleased to take a huge weight off Mr Agnew's shoulders by posting his excuse list in advance: - The referee - The linos - The officials - The SFA - The SPFL - The laws of the game - The lack of VAR - The inconsistency of VAR A great shame but I hope Mr Meltdown appreciates the lengths I've went to ahead to assist him ahead of his upcoming latest tears!

Get down nothing club

Limpy

Bloody hell don't shoot the messenger I'm just passing on my well wishes

Biggest game in yer clubs history and can't be arsed to go to it Get doon

Hearing some dark rumours about the future of the club. All for rivalries etc but hoping what I'm hearing isn't true.

I suspect our result won't matter anyway. Stranraer are an absolute gang led by a headsgone merchant. They might get a point by virtue of Limphousemuir's embarassing form but there's no chance they pick up 3 points. We're safe as I've said all along. I look forward to the many apology posts come 5pm Saturday.

He will be. Found out with the rest of limping squad.

Limp limp limp

Fitting though embarassing that Lee Hamilton is our player of the year in that it demonstrates how much shite we've had to put up with for the rest of the season. Agree with the praise of Kinnear too, especially if you recall the weekly disasterclasses we were subject to before his arrival.

If anyone wants free money, lump on Limphousemuir to return to League 2 at the first time of asking. Won the worst league in a long time and showed their mental frailty with the absolute state of their form once the luck stopped. Best thing is they think that's reason to reward everyone with new deals and stay loyal to them. They'll get demolished in League 1. I wouldn't be surprised to see Edinburgh City levels of point scoring. Expect manager departures, player fall outs and tasty fan meltdowns.

Months to find a new manager and you're still at square one Co-ordinate that

Wow, would you look at that. It's almost like I had it right (yet again) all along. There must be some Bully Wee boys who have been left feeling VERY silly tonight! Enjoy your night regardless of whether you're a hater. I will

Dreamland!

Limp Bizkit

Refreshing lack of overreaction. We'll win this 2nd half no bother.

Which is why it was so marvellous when Cowdenbeath went crashing down into it

A complete lack of bottle. Once Limphousemuir, always Limphousemuir.