Bobby Skidmarks Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 B*ll*cks. You're right, there isn't a God. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weirdcal Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Walking by the canal earlier.. Duck in the water starts to fly.. Cue the question 'do ducks fly? I know they can swim' I laughed so hard I started choking. She's lucky she didn't end up in the canal 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Walking by the canal earlier.. Duck in the water starts to fly.. Cue the question 'do ducks fly? I know they can swim' I laughed so hard I started choking. She's lucky she didn't end up in the canal sjc charges a bottle of gin for canal rescues. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weirdcal Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 sjc charges a bottle of gin for canal rescues. Fair enough, no rescue no no10 for sjc 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoversMad Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 sjc charges a bottle of gin for anal rescues. FTFY 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoonsYouthTeam Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Wife: Of course, they don't have postcodes on the Isle of Wight, do they? Me: Yes Wife: Do they? Me: Yes Wife: Really? Me: Yes Wife: Oh yeah, but they don't have them in Northern Ireland? Me: Yes they do Wife: No they don't Me: They do Wife: They definitely don't Me: Sigh, it could be a long night 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Njord Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Walking by the canal earlier.. Duck in the water starts to fly.. Cue the question 'do ducks fly? I know they can swim' I laughed so hard I started choking. She's lucky she didn't end up in the canal There are a few breeds I think though the one one I do know of would be even funnier if you live in that part of Edinburgh . The Falkland Steamer duck 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 'Babes' is stretching it a bit here.. When my mum first got a BT callminder voicemail thing ("The person you are calling is not available, but I can take a message for you. Please leave your message after the tone") my gran never worked out that it was just a recorded message. She'd leave long angry messages along the lines of "Tell my daughter to phone me back. She's never at home when I call. Tell her I'm going to call again at 8pm. Bloody rude woman, ignoring me like this..." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Pics and we'll decide.Of his Mum and Gran? P&B has plummeted to new levels of depravity 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Me: Sigh, it could be a long nightWife: Aye unlike our sex life ya cockwomble 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Me: Sigh, it could be a long night Tell her they even have postcodes on Tristan da Cunha these days. That should get her back on side. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Pics and we'll decide. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 And? And if you've any energy left, heeeeere's grannnny: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 And?I didn't say that was a problem 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamieT1314 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Watching event horizon with my girlfriend the other night, the text at the start states: 2040 - Starship Event Horizon launched on a mission to explore the very far reaches of the galaxy 2047 - All contact with Event Horizon is lost........ then my girlfriend asks........Is this a true Story? I just said...Aye! took her about 5 minutes to work out why i was trying not to piss myself laughing. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 A few years back.... got a call from my mother, informing me she had just driven down a side street in Dunfermline and smashed into a few cars as she passed. She asked for advice and being the caring, civil type I am, I told her to leave a note under the wipers of the various damaged cars, apologising and giving her details to discuss insurance etc. Only one person got in touch, and my mum agreed to cover the cost of repairs to their precious Ford Escort. Collection day arrived and she agreed to meet them at the Ford garage, just behind East End Park. Their newly straightened and resprayed Escort was parked up outside the garage and as she pulled up she smashed right into the side of it, caving in the driver's side she had smashed up previously. This time she acted on her own. The folk hadn't notice the shunt outside so she duly turned up at reception, paid for their repairs then got the f**k outta Dodge, leaving the confused Escort owners and garage to work out why the works to the damaged nearside didn't seem to have been carried out after all. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 A few years back.... got a call from my mother, informing me she had just driven down a side street in Dunfermline and smashed into a few cars as she passed. She asked for advice and being the caring, civil type I am, I told her to leave a note under the wipers of the various damaged cars, apologising and giving her details to discuss insurance etc. Only one person got in touch, and my mum agreed to cover the cost of repairs to their precious Ford Escort. Collection day arrived and she agreed to meet them at the Ford garage, just behind East End Park. Their newly straightened and resprayed Escort was parked up outside the garage and as she pulled up she smashed right into the side of it, caving in the driver's side she had smashed up previously. This time she acted on her own. The folk hadn't notice the shunt outside so she duly turned up at reception, paid for their repairs then got the f**k outta Dodge, leaving the confused Escort owners and garage to work out why the works to the damaged nearside didn't seem to have been carried out after all. Does your maw actually own a driving licence? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Watching event horizon with my girlfriend the other night, the text at the start states: 2040 - Starship Event Horizon launched on a mission to explore the very far reaches of the galaxy 2047 - All contact with Event Horizon is lost........ then my girlfriend asks........Is this a true Story? I just said...Aye! took her about 5 minutes to work out why i was trying not to piss myself laughing. Maybe she thought the mission launched at twenty to nine and they lost contact 7 minutes later. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rush-QoS Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Hope that story,s true Shandon Par. Just read it and my sides are splitting and tears running down my face.Brilliant. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kryptonite Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 In The Garage around January time. A few of us were out. Met an ex-colleague of mine, who was there with a group which included a lesbian. My mates bird (thick as mince) proceeded to congratulate said lesbian & ask when the bairn was due. She wasn't pregnant, and we haven't been back. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.