The Moonster Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 For the people who were getting annoyed at folk sending emails after 5pm and the likes, we have your solution - Move to France. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-36249647 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Wid 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 Not corporate but found on someone’s Twitter: “I’m a female vocalist and currently taking lessons to re-tune after a 12 year break.†True translation : “I’m a shit singer and I refuse to accept that I’m fucking awful.†Get tae… Cheryl Fernandez-Versini (nee Cole)? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Was in a meeting earlier this week and one of the guys was discussing a new project within the organisation which could impact what myself and one other guy do, and he mentioned a report he was compiling on the subject. Guy I work with said "It would be good to get visibility of this once complete." Why not just say "Need a swatch of that when you're done with it"? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ira Gaines Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Came across my first ever bit of corporate speak from a manager at the start of last night's shift, when the manager came out with "escalate it to us". How hard is it to just say "tell us"? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Came across my first ever bit of corporate speak from a manager at the start of last night's shift, when the manager came out with "escalate it to us". How hard is it to just say "tell us"? Because 'escalate' has a meaning beyond 'tell us', namely a passing of responsibility, for example for decision making; and/or raising priority. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjw Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Came across my first ever bit of corporate speak from a manager at the start of last night's shift, when the manager came out with "escalate it to us". How hard is it to just say "tell us"? 'Cascading ' is a favourite in our place. Passing on a message ffs. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTChris Posted July 1, 2016 Author Share Posted July 1, 2016 One guy I worked with when I started this thread (I have since changed jobs) once said "Can we do this black-ops?" about some work we needed to do. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 (edited) Not nonsense-speak as such, but on Linkedin - the doyen of the corporate bullshitter, i've just seen the following "begging for a job" from Gary Holt, who appears to be a staunch opponent of any form of punctuation. Any jobs going for an ex experienced pro footballer at the highest level and have managed in Championship in Scotland and Coached in Championship and Premier league in England feel free to contact me open to all offers anywhere as willing to travel WTF? Can't imagine the English FA are scouring Linkedin for Roy Hodgson's successor. Here's his Linkedin profile if anyone gets pissed off at their club's summer signings and fancy offering him a job: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gary-holt-52b0bb22?authType=name&authToken=1uDD&trk=hp-feed-member-name Edited July 1, 2016 by Cardinal Richelieu 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mortar Bored Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Anonymous stress survey at work highlighted that a couple of members of staff felt under pressure and not supported by management and felt they were not rewarded for their efforts. Response "We need to triangulate on these individuals in order to identify who they have a work-placed issue with" Firstly- "Triiangulate" Wtf Secondly- it was an anonymous survey for a reason. So that the staff could be honest & not feel forced into replying dishonestly. Thirdly- it's an office of 7 people, look for the stressed and unhappy people, no need to triangulate. It's the 2 girls who have just had loads more responsibility pushed on them at the same wage as before! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Would you like to have a triangulation with the 2 girls? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mortar Bored Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Would you like to have a triangulation with the 2 girls? I'd certainly like to be a cute with one of them. If it came down to it, the obtuse one could watch. So, yeah. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Too right. You'd be scalene the walls to have a shot. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forest_Fifer Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Isosceles what you did there. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiG Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 I just used the phrase 'high level overview' in an email at work. *shudder* 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 Starting any sentence with the words "moving forward..." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjc Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 32 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said: Starting any sentence with the words "moving forward..." I've admittedly used this in a progress meeting before. In fairness the groundworks foreman wanted to knock f**k out of the steel erectors foreman so its seemed the best idea to move the meeting on! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zetterlund Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 On 01/07/2016 at 12:16, Cardinal Richelieu said: Not nonsense-speak as such, but on Linkedin - the doyen of the corporate bullshitter, i've just seen the following "begging for a job" from Gary Holt, who appears to be a staunch opponent of any form of punctuation. Quote Any jobs going for an ex experienced pro footballer WTF? Can't imagine the English FA are scouring Linkedin for Roy Hodgson's successor. Here's his Linkedin profile if anyone gets pissed off at their club's summer signings and fancy offering him a job: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gary-holt-52b0bb22?authType=name&authToken=1uDD&trk=hp-feed-member-name If only he was still experienced his chances might be improved. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeAreElgin Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 AGILE ECOSYSTEM 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted July 14, 2016 Share Posted July 14, 2016 Not so much corporate speak, but the other day our boss was trying to balance a part of the departmental budget. Started off just with him, but every passing boss started sticking in their tuppenceworth until there were about seven or eight crowded round his desk in a "look how much I care" type scrum. I'd been called away, but when I got back about half an hour later they were all still there. The lassie that sits next to him came over to my desk with a post-it and handed it to me - I assumed it was a phone call to return and didn't read it until I sat down. When I did, on it was one word: c***s 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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