City guide- Cologne

[Stellaboz]

Right, as a resident of this fine city I wanted to put together a wee guide for those coming during the Euros in June. I hope that I can give a few tips and pointers for those who haven't been over here before. This is a brilliant place to live and the people here (myself included) are quite proud of where we live. It's by no means perfect and although some say it's not a pretty place, in the summer it's an absolutely terrific place to be. If I remember more things that could be relevant I'll add them and highlight where. Really hope this is useful for someone. Long post alert!

I've split the guide up into sections: 

1. General advice
2. Bars and booze
3. Eating out
4. Things to do
5. Transport/Matchday

1. General advice

This is just some random stuff for being in Germany in general so if you have been here before this isn't for you.

Germans in my experience are much nicer than the profile that I felt was given back home. They're very helpful and most people here under the age of 30 speak at least a little English, so if you need help with directions or something I would ask someone younger if possible. Cologne itself has a vast and colourful ethnic mix, you might hear all kinds of languages while walking about on a non-matchday. 

One thing that really sticks out in my mind though, is that you don't get as much personal space. People will brush past you without meaning to be aggressive, or not give you as much space maybe when queuing or something. I know that sounds weird but just incase anyone gets the wrong idea. It just seems to be accepted, whereas I think back home people would run across the street before the thought of even brushing past a stranger.

This also might sound ridiculous but under no circumstances make any nazi jokes, even if in the unlikely event someone is being a dick to you. It's a huge taboo and you can literally get arrested for such things, so leave the Basil Faulty personas at home unless you want to find out what a German jail looks like from inside, which I can't help you with. Germans are brought up with a tint of shame about this subject and have done incredibly well to have moved on as a society, they take it very personal when someone starts making jokes in their own backyard. 

You can be fined for jay-walking. Yes you read that correctly. If the police catch you crossing the lights when they are red, the are perfectly entitled to give you an on-the-spot fine. I think it's like 10 euros or something, so just be aware that it's a thing. I've seen people wait in the dead of night when there was no traffic around for the green man (Ampelman!) which looks and is hilarious, but it's 100% a thing. 

For help with translation, use the DeepL app https://www.deepl.com/translator  Disclaimer- I actually work for DeepL but it's vastly superior to Google and I'm not ashamed to tell people about it. There's an absolute shit-load of effort that goes into making it accurate and the English-German translation is second to none. 

Shops are closed on Sundays. Only restaurants, bars, cafes, kiosks and bakeries for the most part are open on Sundays. That goes for all of Germany. Public transport is fine though and many shops at the main station will be open if you do want something. So your local supermarkets, like Rewe or Lidl will be closed on Sunday. The only exception is the Rewe at the airport which I think is open 24h.  

You can pay with card in more places than you could 5 years ago, but there is still a culture of cash in Germany. So be on the safe side and carry a little on you just incase. There are many places that still don't take card, although it's getting much better now. You should be able to pay with card in the stadium for food and drink.

2. Bars and Booze

Let's just get into the good stuff. Right, as most people know, Cologne is famous for it's Kölsch beers and for good reason. Many of them are tremendous, and I could write a whole topic dedicated to them but I'm not much of a wordsmith and won't do them justice, so for quickness sake I'll recommend a handful and discourage a few. Before that, you should know that they serve them in small half pint-like glasses in pubs. Something to do with the the way it's brewed that it's not great when it goes flat. Tip- don't bother ordering a large, just go with it and keep ordering smaller ones but faster, they taste better. 

Great- Reissdorf, Gaffel, Gilden, Schrekenskamer, Sünner, Pfaffen. 

Average- Mühlen (very hoppy), Peters, Sester, Früh (not from bottle though- disgusting)

Awful- Hansa, Kuppers, Dom (do not try)

There are also many other fine Cologne beers such as Gaffel Wiess (lovely almost blonde tasting beer, highly recommend on hot days) and Nolte, another lovely helles beer. Avoid Zappes- it's a hipster brand and must be avoided at all costs. Tastes putrid. 

And if you haven't been living under a rock for your whole life, you'll  be aware that the whole of Germany is famous for it's beer. You probably can't go wrong with any Munchen or Augustiner helles you find anywhere, but like anywhere you might come across an utter stinker like Paderborner Pils. 

Cologne has many brauhauses to visit like any good German city. I haven't even come close to visiting them all yet, but be aware they'll be tied to a specific brewery so you if you want to try different ones you'll have to hop between them. You also get the best of traditional German food in these places too, more on that later. I haven't been to a bad brauhaus yet, but be aware that if you're in with a group they'll expect a tip if you're there and spending a lot.

*Also, if you want to stop drinking, you need to place your beermat ontop of your glass, or many places will simply pop another beer down for you*.

Some of my favourites are:

Brauhaus Pffaffen (you can ONLY get this Kölsch in their brauhauses), one in the old town and one near Friesenplatz: https://zum-pfaffen.koeln/

Brauhaus Walfisch (Sünner Kölsch) https://walfisch.de/

Brauhaus Schreckenskammer (a short walk from the main station) https://schreckenskammer.com/ 

In terms of pubs, there are far too many to mention. But if you want something other than Kölsch and you're in the old town, try Delirium (you can play the SNES!) https://www.deliriumcafe-koeln.de/ or the Craft Beer Corner Cologne https://craftbeercorner.eu/ which has fucking thousands of beers (or so it feels). There is also Lost Level https://lostlevel.bar/ where you can drink and play video games. The area around Zulpicher Strasse has tons of great places but it's a slightly younger crowd. 

The old town next to the river has tons of places, but if you're elsewhere in the city during a longer stay, feel free to DM me for specific areas. Friesenstrasse, Zulpicher Strasse Belgiun Quarter and Ehrenfeld are all districts with a lot of varied and lively nightlife. Where Düsseldorf only has one lively bar area, Cologne has at least half a dozen. 

TOP TIP- please don't restrict yourself to just boozing in the brauhaus. You can drink anywhere in the city except on buses and trams (there is around a 60 euro fine if you're caught- probably not on a matchday, we'll get to that later). If you want to really enjoy Cologne, I thoroughly recommend grabbing a beer from a kiosk and staying outside, go down to the river, or do what many of us do here and "hop" from kiosk to kiosk. It's literally a thing, there are books and tours on this specific activity in Cologne. There are hundreds and hundreds of kiosks everywhere and they are open 24 hours, there is no 10pm curfew for drinking and any good kiosk has a bottle opener at the door on the way out, or at the till. It's also the best way to try all the different beers you might want. Let me repeat that- 24 hour drinking anywhere you want. 

If you are drinking outside, please don't destroy your beer bottles. They have what's called "pfand" or in other words, people can get money back for them. Around 8-12cents. Many poor and homeless people go around collecting these and taking them to supermarkets to get cash back, so if you're finished with one, please just leave it sitting next to a bin and someone will take it eventually. 

If you want a good cocktail, try Papa Joes for a Zombie and they have live music every night https://www.papajoes.de/ or if you want something very fancy with the missus go to Woods https://www.woods-cologne.de/ or Samuel's Shep down near Zulpicher Strasse. 

3. Eating Out

As I've mentioned already, if you want to taste the best traditional German dishes, go to any Brauhaus. Schnitzels are 99.9% guaranteed amazing, I like the one with the mushroom and pepper sauce. 

Sadly, if you want a good old fry-up, the only place in town is Jamesons Irish bar on Friesenstrasse https://jamesondistillerypub.com/ but at least it's a good fry up and you'll get a pint without straying outside the city centre. 

For a really good steak, Collina's is the best but VERY pricey https://www.colinakoeln.de/

Want to go eat in the middle ages? Lord of the Grillz is the best bet BUT it's hard to get a reservation and it's not exactly central. Still, if you're in Cologne longer than a day or two this is worth the effort. Great food, you can drink proper mead and the bar girl might even just casually drop a fucking Morningstar on your table (no euph) https://lordofthegrillz.de/

BEST BURGER- Peter Pane https://peterpane.de/standorte/#!/l/koln/friesenplatz-2-8/3044562 or Hans Im Gluck is decent too. 

There's so many places to eat though. If you want recommendation for something specific like Italian, DM me. 

Word of warning- they charge you for water, they don't normally serve tap water in bars or restaurants and THEY WILL CHARGE YOU STUPID PRICES for it. Don't say I didn't want you. You can try ask nicely, some places will but most will look at you like you've murdered their only child. 

4. Things to do

If you're only staying a day or two over the Swiss game, probably just skip this bit. You may have heard the interview with our Mayor Henrietta Reker saying you should enjoy all the museums. Don't bother, especially the chocolate museum. Under no circumstances should you visit the chocolate museum. It's a complete and utter waste of time and that is coming from someone who eats a lot of chocolate. So here are a couple of more fun activities for those who have a little more time and need a break from the Brauhauses!

The best view of the city is from the Deutz Triangle http://www.koelntrianglepanorama.de/ it's only about 3 euros to go up and it has a 360 panorama. Actually, you're not allowed to drink up there, so add that to buses and trams on that previous list, but it gives a stunning view of the city and beyond. On a clear day, you can see Bonn and Dusseldorf, and the clear glass screen actually shows you what is in that direction you're facing. 

Of course, Cologne is famous for it's cathedral known here as The Dom. You can go up to the top of this but the view is honestly not even close to the triangle and the stairs going up are narrow, shit and too busy. Instead, go inside for a moment of peace and cool air if it's roasting.

Cologne Zoo is pretty cool and easy to get with the 18 tram. 

If a group of you want to go do something fun, go here https://fun-and-sport.de/arena/ it's pool, darts and bowling but with footballs. And it has a bar. But it's reservation only now, so don't just turn up. Should be easy to reserve during the day though. 

Bars in Germany don't have pool tables, but should you want to scratch that itch, go to https://www.giga-center.de/ where you can of course drink and there are other stuff like darts too, and big screens showing sports. 

If you want to do a day trip from Cologne, feel free to visit Bonn. It's a beautiful city and worth a thread all on it's own to be honest. Dusseldorf not so much, it's a boring city with not much to do. If you're in a group and with a car, go to the Ahr valley. It's less than an hour from Cologne and is fucking stunning, and very famous for it's wine. Aachen is also lovely, with Maastricht not much further, or Koblenz to the south. 

Cologne has Europe's largest brothel building- La Pasha. There's a nightclub downstairs and the brothel is apparently a fiver to get in. No idea how much it is for your hole mind (honestly!). There is also another large brothel directly across from it, as well as smaller ones dotted around the city. It wouldn't be much of a city guide without mentioning this...

5. Transport/Matchday

After clearing my cookies and my underwear, let's talk about matchday. There is one tram line towards the Rheinenergie stadium. That's the number 1 line and if you're drinking centrally before the match, go to Heumarkt and take it from there. It's about 30 minutes from there to get to the ground. On matchdays, the city puts on loads more trams than normal but they get packed quickly. As it's not a "normal" matchday, I'm not sure how it'll be but you should be able to get on at Heumarkt fine. Just give yourself a little bit longer just incase there's a problem on the line. Coming back from the stadium to the city centre after, again there should be loads of trams. Infact, when you're walking out after I would even recommend walking a little to the left once you are at the tram stop and walk a short distance to the previous stop to get a decent seat. Remember what I said about no drinking on the trams? Well, normally on a matchday this never gets enforced because it's so busy. But just be aware that it is a thing. 

For those that are going on the "march to the ground" you want to take an S12 or S19 from the main station (Hauptbahnhof) to Mungerdorf Technologiepark. It takes less than 10 minutes and is only 3 stops. It's the last platform, I think 11. If you go over the river, you're a choob and taken it the wrong way from platform 10, so just get off at Deutz and take the next one from the adjacent platform. 

I don't recommend walking to the ground from the city centre at all. It's an absolute trek and although it could be a bit of a kiosk hop, it's still a fucking trek. Probably 1h 30 or longer. 

Near the stadium there are some chain restaurants and bars but not a great selection and they might be packed pre-match. However, UEFA have been talking about putting stuff on for the fans on matchdays and I would expect some cool stuff to happen outside the ground itself. There's a large green area and there'll hopefully be loads of food and drink stalls put up on gameday. Might even be room for a kick-about. 

Fan zones are Heumarkt and Tanzbrunnen for Cologne. So central, and just across the river. Hopefully going to Tanzbrunnen for the opening game so I can tell you more about that after the Germany game if it's worth it or not. Heumarkt FZ sounds like it'll be absolutely rammed constantly due to it's location. 

If you need a taxi, I would recommend using Uber or Bolt instead. They're far cheaper and you don't need to worry about cash. I've had some poor experiences with taxi drivers here especially when they think you're not from there. Uber is definitely the best option. 

If you're coming from the airport, there are trains direct to the main station, you'll see the signs clearly marked when you're at the airport station. You can also get an Uber from the airport too, just need to be clear where exactly you are to be picked up. 

Public transport is good around the city, but when delays happen they happen big time. Same goes for the train network around Germany, whatever your perception of German efficiency, you'll soon find out it's a complete and utter myth. Possibly their best export. Give yourself time if you have connections while travelling, this is not Switzerland. 

I have a ton of other things, but hopefully this is enough to help people out a wee bit in this wonderful city. If you need any recommendations or advice, feel free to DM and I am happy to help out. 

 

[Arch Stanton]

Where are the bars that sell half litres of beer instead of those who serve the 200ml of Kolsch?

Edited May 15 by Arch Stanton

[Stellaboz]

14 minutes ago, Arch Stanton said:

Where are the bars that sell half litres of beer instead of those who serve the 200ml of Kolsch?

That's Munich. 

EDIT- or Heumarkt right in the centre of Cologne https://www.augustiner-am-heumarkt.de/en

Edited May 15 by Stellaboz

[Arch Stanton]

48 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

That's Munich. H

EDIT- or Heumarkt right in the centre of Cologne https://www.augustiner-am-heumarkt.de/en

I'm spending 3 nights in Munich 

5 nights based in Leverkusen but will be travelling into Cologne and Dusseldorf every day.

Any bars in Zulpicher Straße doing half litres?

[DG.Roma]

@Stellaboz thank you. Not only will this be brilliant for the tournament, but you've got me itching to book another trip just to spend some more time in the city!

[PSJ.84]

Just don’t go to the Chocolate Museum. 
 

@Stellaboz

[DA Baracus]

3 hours ago, PSJ.84 said:

Just don’t go to the Chocolate Museum. 
 

@Stellaboz

He's right, it's terrible!

[lubo_blaha]

Really helpful info @Stellaboz

We’re staying in Wuppertal for six nights, mostly because it was cheap and it’s easy enough to get to Cologne and Dortmund for games we have tickets for and places like Dusseldorf for a day trip. 

Don’t know too much about the place (aside from it having a monorail) and not expecting too much but would be good to get a local’s perspective on the place, if you know anything about it.

[Stellaboz]

Never been, heard its very hilly though and twinned with Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook.

[Glen Scotia]

Outstanding info Stella, I'll give it a proper read through tonight.

Me and the other half are staying the week near the Belgian quarter so your info will come in handy.

If you see me around I'll get you a pint for your effort. I'll be the guy in a Scotland top and kilt

[lubo_blaha]

5 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

Never been, heard its very hilly though and twinned with Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook.

[Billy Jean King]

That's tremendous work compiling that dossier. Basing in Bruhl for two weeks and have tickets for all 3 Scotland games plus 4 other localish. Seems very easy to get from Bruhl to Koln city centre or Messe Deutz station. Also Bonn very easy from Bruhl. Roll on 4 weeks today.

[German Jag]

7 hours ago, lubo_blaha said:

Really helpful info @Stellaboz

We’re staying in Wuppertal for six nights, mostly because it was cheap and it’s easy enough to get to Cologne and Dortmund for games we have tickets for and places like Dusseldorf for a day trip. 

Don’t know too much about the place (aside from it having a monorail) and not expecting too much but would be good to get a local’s perspective on the place, if you know anything about it.

Still has a large manufacturing base for the Automotive industry, which is the only reason I've been there the 4 or 5 times visiting paint and plastics manufacturers. OK enough place, but a place to get out of when not necessary on non match days.

For day trips as a group, then check out the SchönerTagTicket NRW or Quer-durchs-land-Ticket.. Groups of 5 for ± €50.

 

[Dunfermline Don]

Great info @Stellaboz. We have an Airbnb at Triosdorf for a few days around the Swiss game. 
We are driving over, but would prefer using public transport going into the city as I understand it’s much more integrated than we have here.

We don’t have match tickets so are probably just going to watch the game in the fan zone or a bar. 

[Div]

That was a great read @Stellaboz thanks for sharing!

Cologne sounds cracking, absolutely buzzing!

[German Jag]

19 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

Right, as a resident of this fine city I wanted to put together a wee guide for those coming during the Euros in June. I hope that I can give a few tips and pointers for those who haven't been over here before. This is a brilliant place to live and the people here (myself included) are quite proud of where we live. It's by no means perfect and although some say it's not a pretty place, in the summer it's an absolutely terrific place to be. If I remember more things that could be relevant I'll add them and highlight where. Really hope this is useful for someone. Long post alert!

I've split the guide up into sections: 

1. General advice
2. Bars and booze
3. Eating out
4. Things to do
5. Transport/Matchday

1. General advice

This is just some random stuff for being in Germany in general so if you have been here before this isn't for you.

Germans in my experience are much nicer than the profile that I felt was given back home. They're very helpful and most people here under the age of 30 speak at least a little English, so if you need help with directions or something I would ask someone younger if possible. Cologne itself has a vast and colourful ethnic mix, you might hear all kinds of languages while walking about on a non-matchday. 

One thing that really sticks out in my mind though, is that you don't get as much personal space. People will brush past you without meaning to be aggressive, or not give you as much space maybe when queuing or something. I know that sounds weird but just incase anyone gets the wrong idea. It just seems to be accepted, whereas I think back home people would run across the street before the thought of even brushing past a stranger.

This also might sound ridiculous but under no circumstances make any nazi jokes, even if in the unlikely event someone is being a dick to you. It's a huge taboo and you can literally get arrested for such things, so leave the Basil Faulty personas at home unless you want to find out what a German jail looks like from inside, which I can't help you with. Germans are brought up with a tint of shame about this subject and have done incredibly well to have moved on as a society, they take it very personal when someone starts making jokes in their own backyard. 

You can be fined for jay-walking. Yes you read that correctly. If the police catch you crossing the lights when they are red, the are perfectly entitled to give you an on-the-spot fine. I think it's like 10 euros or something, so just be aware that it's a thing. I've seen people wait in the dead of night when there was no traffic around for the green man (Ampelman!) which looks and is hilarious, but it's 100% a thing. 

For help with translation, use the DeepL app https://www.deepl.com/translator  Disclaimer- I actually work for DeepL but it's vastly superior to Google and I'm not ashamed to tell people about it. There's an absolute shit-load of effort that goes into making it accurate and the English-German translation is second to none. 

Shops are closed on Sundays. Only restaurants, bars, cafes, kiosks and bakeries for the most part are open on Sundays. That goes for all of Germany. Public transport is fine though and many shops at the main station will be open if you do want something. So your local supermarkets, like Rewe or Lidl will be closed on Sunday. The only exception is the Rewe at the airport which I think is open 24h.  

You can pay with card in more places than you could 5 years ago, but there is still a culture of cash in Germany. So be on the safe side and carry a little on you just incase. There are many places that still don't take card, although it's getting much better now. You should be able to pay with card in the stadium for food and drink.

2. Bars and Booze

Let's just get into the good stuff. Right, as most people know, Cologne is famous for it's Kölsch beers and for good reason. Many of them are tremendous, and I could write a whole topic dedicated to them but I'm not much of a wordsmith and won't do them justice, so for quickness sake I'll recommend a handful and discourage a few. Before that, you should know that they serve them in small half pint-like glasses in pubs. Something to do with the the way it's brewed that it's not great when it goes flat. Tip- don't bother ordering a large, just go with it and keep ordering smaller ones but faster, they taste better. 

Great- Reissdorf, Gaffel, Gilden, Schrekenskamer, Sünner, Pfaffen. 

Average- Mühlen (very hoppy), Peters, Sester, Früh (not from bottle though- disgusting)

Awful- Hansa, Kuppers, Dom (do not try)

There are also many other fine Cologne beers such as Gaffel Wiess (lovely almost blonde tasting beer, highly recommend on hot days) and Nolte, another lovely helles beer. Avoid Zappes- it's a hipster brand and must be avoided at all costs. Tastes putrid. 

And if you haven't been living under a rock for your whole life, you'll  be aware that the whole of Germany is famous for it's beer. You probably can't go wrong with any Munchen or Augustiner helles you find anywhere, but like anywhere you might come across an utter stinker like Paderborner Pils. 

Cologne has many brauhauses to visit like any good German city. I haven't even come close to visiting them all yet, but be aware they'll be tied to a specific brewery so you if you want to try different ones you'll have to hop between them. You also get the best of traditional German food in these places too, more on that later. I haven't been to a bad brauhaus yet, but be aware that if you're in with a group they'll expect a tip if you're there and spending a lot.

*Also, if you want to stop drinking, you need to place your beermat ontop of your glass, or many places will simply pop another beer down for you*.

Some of my favourites are:

Brauhaus Pffaffen (you can ONLY get this Kölsch in their brauhauses), one in the old town and one near Friesenplatz: https://zum-pfaffen.koeln/

Brauhaus Walfisch (Sünner Kölsch) https://walfisch.de/

Brauhaus Schreckenskammer (a short walk from the main station) https://schreckenskammer.com/ 

In terms of pubs, there are far too many to mention. But if you want something other than Kölsch and you're in the old town, try Delirium (you can play the SNES!) https://www.deliriumcafe-koeln.de/ or the Craft Beer Corner Cologne https://craftbeercorner.eu/ which has fucking thousands of beers (or so it feels). There is also Lost Level https://lostlevel.bar/ where you can drink and play video games. The area around Zulpicher Strasse has tons of great places but it's a slightly younger crowd. 

The old town next to the river has tons of places, but if you're elsewhere in the city during a longer stay, feel free to DM me for specific areas. Friesenstrasse, Zulpicher Strasse Belgiun Quarter and Ehrenfeld are all districts with a lot of varied and lively nightlife. Where Düsseldorf only has one lively bar area, Cologne has at least half a dozen. 

TOP TIP- please don't restrict yourself to just boozing in the brauhaus. You can drink anywhere in the city except on buses and trams (there is around a 60 euro fine if you're caught- probably not on a matchday, we'll get to that later). If you want to really enjoy Cologne, I thoroughly recommend grabbing a beer from a kiosk and staying outside, go down to the river, or do what many of us do here and "hop" from kiosk to kiosk. It's literally a thing, there are books and tours on this specific activity in Cologne. There are hundreds and hundreds of kiosks everywhere and they are open 24 hours, there is no 10pm curfew for drinking and any good kiosk has a bottle opener at the door on the way out, or at the till. It's also the best way to try all the different beers you might want. Let me repeat that- 24 hour drinking anywhere you want. 

If you are drinking outside, please don't destroy your beer bottles. They have what's called "pfand" or in other words, people can get money back for them. Around 8-12cents. Many poor and homeless people go around collecting these and taking them to supermarkets to get cash back, so if you're finished with one, please just leave it sitting next to a bin and someone will take it eventually. 

If you want a good cocktail, try Papa Joes for a Zombie and they have live music every night https://www.papajoes.de/ or if you want something very fancy with the missus go to Woods https://www.woods-cologne.de/ or Samuel's Shep down near Zulpicher Strasse. 

3. Eating Out

As I've mentioned already, if you want to taste the best traditional German dishes, go to any Brauhaus. Schnitzels are 99.9% guaranteed amazing, I like the one with the mushroom and pepper sauce. 

Sadly, if you want a good old fry-up, the only place in town is Jamesons Irish bar on Friesenstrasse https://jamesondistillerypub.com/ but at least it's a good fry up and you'll get a pint without straying outside the city centre. 

For a really good steak, Collina's is the best but VERY pricey https://www.colinakoeln.de/

Want to go eat in the middle ages? Lord of the Grillz is the best bet BUT it's hard to get a reservation and it's not exactly central. Still, if you're in Cologne longer than a day or two this is worth the effort. Great food, you can drink proper mead and the bar girl might even just casually drop a fucking Morningstar on your table (no euph) https://lordofthegrillz.de/

BEST BURGER- Peter Pane https://peterpane.de/standorte/#!/l/koln/friesenplatz-2-8/3044562 or Hans Im Gluck is decent too. 

There's so many places to eat though. If you want recommendation for something specific like Italian, DM me. 

Word of warning- they charge you for water, they don't normally serve tap water in bars or restaurants and THEY WILL CHARGE YOU STUPID PRICES for it. Don't say I didn't want you. You can try ask nicely, some places will but most will look at you like you've murdered their only child. 

4. Things to do

If you're only staying a day or two over the Swiss game, probably just skip this bit. You may have heard the interview with our Mayor Henrietta Reker saying you should enjoy all the museums. Don't bother, especially the chocolate museum. Under no circumstances should you visit the chocolate museum. It's a complete and utter waste of time and that is coming from someone who eats a lot of chocolate. So here are a couple of more fun activities for those who have a little more time and need a break from the Brauhauses!

The best view of the city is from the Deutz Triangle http://www.koelntrianglepanorama.de/ it's only about 3 euros to go up and it has a 360 panorama. Actually, you're not allowed to drink up there, so add that to buses and trams on that previous list, but it gives a stunning view of the city and beyond. On a clear day, you can see Bonn and Dusseldorf, and the clear glass screen actually shows you what is in that direction you're facing. 

Of course, Cologne is famous for it's cathedral known here as The Dom. You can go up to the top of this but the view is honestly not even close to the triangle and the stairs going up are narrow, shit and too busy. Instead, go inside for a moment of peace and cool air if it's roasting.

Cologne Zoo is pretty cool and easy to get with the 18 tram. 

If a group of you want to go do something fun, go here https://fun-and-sport.de/arena/ it's pool, darts and bowling but with footballs. And it has a bar. But it's reservation only now, so don't just turn up. Should be easy to reserve during the day though. 

Bars in Germany don't have pool tables, but should you want to scratch that itch, go to https://www.giga-center.de/ where you can of course drink and there are other stuff like darts too, and big screens showing sports. 

If you want to do a day trip from Cologne, feel free to visit Bonn. It's a beautiful city and worth a thread all on it's own to be honest. Dusseldorf not so much, it's a boring city with not much to do. If you're in a group and with a car, go to the Ahr valley. It's less than an hour from Cologne and is fucking stunning, and very famous for it's wine. Aachen is also lovely, with Maastricht not much further, or Koblenz to the south. 

Cologne has Europe's largest brothel building- La Pasha. There's a nightclub downstairs and the brothel is apparently a fiver to get in. No idea how much it is for your hole mind (honestly!). There is also another large brothel directly across from it, as well as smaller ones dotted around the city. It wouldn't be much of a city guide without mentioning this...

5. Transport/Matchday

After clearing my cookies and my underwear, let's talk about matchday. There is one tram line towards the Rheinenergie stadium. That's the number 1 line and if you're drinking centrally before the match, go to Heumarkt and take it from there. It's about 30 minutes from there to get to the ground. On matchdays, the city puts on loads more trams than normal but they get packed quickly. As it's not a "normal" matchday, I'm not sure how it'll be but you should be able to get on at Heumarkt fine. Just give yourself a little bit longer just incase there's a problem on the line. Coming back from the stadium to the city centre after, again there should be loads of trams. Infact, when you're walking out after I would even recommend walking a little to the left once you are at the tram stop and walk a short distance to the previous stop to get a decent seat. Remember what I said about no drinking on the trams? Well, normally on a matchday this never gets enforced because it's so busy. But just be aware that it is a thing. 

For those that are going on the "march to the ground" you want to take an S12 or S19 from the main station (Hauptbahnhof) to Mungerdorf Technologiepark. It takes less than 10 minutes and is only 3 stops. It's the last platform, I think 11. If you go over the river, you're a choob and taken it the wrong way from platform 10, so just get off at Deutz and take the next one from the adjacent platform. 

I don't recommend walking to the ground from the city centre at all. It's an absolute trek and although it could be a bit of a kiosk hop, it's still a fucking trek. Probably 1h 30 or longer. 

Near the stadium there are some chain restaurants and bars but not a great selection and they might be packed pre-match. However, UEFA have been talking about putting stuff on for the fans on matchdays and I would expect some cool stuff to happen outside the ground itself. There's a large green area and there'll hopefully be loads of food and drink stalls put up on gameday. Might even be room for a kick-about. 

Fan zones are Heumarkt and Tanzbrunnen for Cologne. So central, and just across the river. Hopefully going to Tanzbrunnen for the opening game so I can tell you more about that after the Germany game if it's worth it or not. Heumarkt FZ sounds like it'll be absolutely rammed constantly due to it's location. 

If you need a taxi, I would recommend using Uber or Bolt instead. They're far cheaper and you don't need to worry about cash. I've had some poor experiences with taxi drivers here especially when they think you're not from there. Uber is definitely the best option. 

If you're coming from the airport, there are trains direct to the main station, you'll see the signs clearly marked when you're at the airport station. You can also get an Uber from the airport too, just need to be clear where exactly you are to be picked up. 

Public transport is good around the city, but when delays happen they happen big time. Same goes for the train network around Germany, whatever your perception of German efficiency, you'll soon find out it's a complete and utter myth. Possibly their best export. Give yourself time if you have connections while travelling, this is not Switzerland. 

I have a ton of other things, but hopefully this is enough to help people out a wee bit in this wonderful city. If you need any recommendations or advice, feel free to DM and I am happy to help out. 

 

Cheers for the great info @Stellaboz, pity I couldn't do something for Hannover.

As regards the general info, just to reiterate the Nazi stuff. If bar/restaurant staff are asking you to leave the premises or a policeman asks you to calm down, a "Sieg Heil" or a "Heil Hitler" salute, is a quick way to the cells and a hefty fine.

Also, as we all know, this is the 1st "proper" tournament since Covid, so not just massive amounts of Scotland fans kicking about, but also from elsewhere (15 million projected). There will be a massive amount of police and other security forces in place. Get used to seeing automatic weapons.

An IS group has 'indicated' about attacks in Munich, Dortmund & Berlin.

Don't want to come over all "Helen Lovejoy", but the only time I've been on the way to a game, which was cancelled due to possible terrorist activity, was the Germany - Netherlands game in Hannover in 2015, a couple of days after the attacks in Paris.

 

 

[Lyle Lanley]

14 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

Never been, heard its very hilly though and twinned with Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook.

and by gum, it put them on the map.

[mcginns]

Superb @Stellaboz.

Cheers for sharing that!

[Stellaboz]

Past few days I've realised a few other things that might help. Might not! 

 

• Just be careful where you're walking, there are many cycle routes in and around the city. It's not quite Amsterdam levels of mentalness, but people here can cycle pretty fast and sometimes have a death wish, so just be mindful. You'll often see the pavement nearest the road a shade of red, just keep your eyes open as I've seen people being hit in the past and it's not pretty. 
• FANZONE ON WEDNESDAY. I just realized today that the Germany v Hungary game kicks off at 6pm, 3 hours before Scotland v Switzerland. I've no idea how busy the fanzones are going to be for that, but likely they'll still be pretty fckn' busy with our without a whole bunch of Scots there. I'm personally planning on getting there early, maybe even for Croatia v Albania at 3pm. Hopefully they'll empty a fair bit after the Germany game for all the Scots fans to pile in. 
• If you are needing to buy a single ticket on the public transport (for those without tickets on matchday, or a Deutschland ticket etc) then I think a single journey costs 2.50€. You can buy these on the trams, not 100% sure about buses. These last for 90 minutes after being validated, so if you get one, remember to go stick it into the little red machine that you find. This also applies to the local S-Bahn. If you're caught without a valid ticket, you can be fined about 60€ and they'll ask for ID. Sometimes the controllers are plain-clothes, but they'll come on in pairs and both will have strapped-bags.
• If you want to buy a ticket before getting on, I recommend downloading the VRS app, it's better than KVB's app. There are no barriers in stations or stops, it's not like Waverley or the London underground so if you want to risk it, feel free.  
  • VRS = several local transport area companies
  • KVB = Cologne only
• Remember Lukas Podolski, he of Germany and Arsenal fame? He owns a chain of Kebab takeaways called Mangol. They're not better or worse than any other but very popular. 
• If you want to really fall in love with Cologne, check out the song "Mer stonn zo Dir" on Spotify and tell me that it's not familiar! Fc Koln might not be a Bundesliga team as of last week, but we've still got the best anthem! 
• When you simply are feeling homesick and want a piece of home, get yourself along to Scotia Spirit for some scones and a nip https://www.scotia-spirit.de/köln-bar/   it's based on Friesenstrasse just a couple of doors down from the Jameson Irish pub. 
• Another activity idea for days off is the indoor glow-in-the-dark minigolf. It's brilliant, there's two of them and you can play a round with a beer of course https://www.glowingrooms.com/standorte/koeln-city/
• For a good walking tour, I recommend https://freewalkcologne.com/   You pay only what you want at the end of the tour, it lasts about 2 hours and they give a an interesting history that you won't find from the main tour guides. It finishes just off Heumarkt too and normally they go for a beer after. 
• There's going to be a wee ferry going from the Tanzbrunnen across to the city side. Apparently it's free, might be a laugh. It's not a long walk across the bridge though. 

Edited May 24 by Stellaboz

[WellBlotts]

Crackin post, I'm there for the week and this is much appreciated .