dave258

And there was you believing it was 'suncream'.

Dead or in jail for beastliness according to the Dundee lad. Given the age of most of the birds around here probably the latter.

if I'm having a midlife crisis at 27 and this is what it's like I'll gladly take a few more of them.

Tenerife with over 30 degrees. Burnt to a fucking cinder but given I'm by myself I've done not bad at getting talking to people. The wee 18 year old bird I've spent the past few nights with is away home so tonight is out with a group of Scottish lads about ten years younger than me to show them how to drink.

Aye. Plank the mop behind a bin, off for a fumble and back to work within the hour. Anyway got some action last night through more traditional means, still hoping that tinder oicks up though!

Now now. I probably have every reason to be ashamed of myself but I did take great care to ensure that I wasn't joining the list of Yewtree suspects.

Well, tinder in tenerife has been pish. Hardly any birds on it at all. Back to the traditional method of hanging around nightclubs at closing time I suppose.

Wouldn't have called it a groan, more of an observation. And far be it for me to come on the Internet and boast about sex. I'll keep my lewd stories about tidy wee English birds several years my junior to myself thank you very much.

Split up with the mrs last week and had holiday booked to tenerife leaving today. Decided that since I'd paid for it I was going anyway. The issue is that since I'm on my tod putting suncream on my back is proving to be a bit of a challenge.

Don't get me wrong mate, if I had to pay it up front it'd be tough! Just seemed low for elite level sport. Although you can't really include shoes etc, I need football boots, the goalie needs gloves etc. Same for everyone. Anyway, back on topic. Tinder is like a whole new world to me as I'm freshly single. Going to tenerife for a week by myself tomorrow hoping to put it to good use out there!

£250 a year for match fees and subs (assuming I'm reading this right)? I'm a fiver a week for training with my shite amateur football team and a fiver on a Saturday for a game, roughly £500 a year. You're a chancer!

My mrs apparently does not have the traditional female ironing gene, given that she melted her work skirt onto the iron. Not a huge issue, except that unlike any normal person she never cleaned the iron after, resulting in a crisp white shirt now having some lovely black streaks down it.

Tennents Lager

Anyone know how paddy power cash out works? I'm waiting for an Algeria goal for a fair sum so thought I'd be able to cash in but I've never once seen it available!

Can anyone play 5s at 9 tonight to help out Gav who has occasionally played with us? I would but I'm on the train back from London and I've had 8 pints today

That mean I can't come visit then?

I'm out for the foreseeable - now play Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights as well as Saturday mornings. Any more will leave me half crippled and the mrs would probably leave me. Actually...

I'm realising every Scottish football fan's dream on Saturday afternoon, lining up for Scotland against the Auld Enemy at Carlisle's Brunton Park!

Bet you felt worse after Amsterdam with me!

Out for next week

Kaz is in, we have 10

I'll play. A bank holiday weekend of excess will no doubt leave me ruined and in need of sweating the abuse out of my body.

Farting in the bath provides endless entertainment.

Out. Got three 11s games, a 7s game, 2 hours of football training and a 23 mile walk for charity next week.

My knee is still playing up. Will see how it is tomorrow but I doubt it.