heedthebaa

There are mornings I wake up alone, due to the abuse I apparently give her during the night, usually after a few beers. She thinks I’m aware of what I’m doing ffs

I’ve tried to use it, but I find there’s too many c***s on the road and gave up

Kitchen and dining room needed done, I wanted to say f**k it and get a new kitchen but Mrs arty farty crafty cunto likes to revamp and play, only thing is, it actually means me as she’s done f**k all. Finished now and I’m the best thing since sliced bread, even telling me to my face she loves me

I would go to watch my son play football on a Saturday, Thursday night it would be “where’s he playing on Saturday” I’d reply with the location and she would make the decision to come based on the quality of the shopping. KO wouldn’t wait on me turning up, so a cut off time was repeatedly said when i was leaving. She was fucking left many times

The wife has the sewing machine oot now, can’t say I’m happy at cutting the England top in half but needs must. She needs more info on the gusset though, think I’ll bide in the buggy and tan some T

Good luck. Don't try and hit the ball hard. It doesn't work like that. I’m just hoping to hit the ball

I’m playing golf tomorrow, I have never played golf before

On a cheese scone mun

Since the start of lockdown, Saturday night is FaceTime with her pals, Sunday night with her family, nae wonder I sit and get shitfaced

He’s spot on, just back from the Aviemore area, the cyclists are worse than the midgeys, they’re a pain in the fucking arse

I’ve been sitting for the first time watching COD, GTA and Red Dead Redemption for the last few hours, never seen such violence, although the graphics have improved from my Atari tennis days

Glad I went, seen it working. Went mostly for a piss, as there was no kelpies toilets open. As was said, an hour max is enough

Aye apparently so. My youngest nephew would sometimes do that so I had a look into it and from what I read, passing out is basically a body defense mechanism. I remember his dad used to do it, back then I used to throw him to his mum and run.

For an hour... Aye. Cheers, just to break a journey up as we can’t get in till 5pm

Is the Falkirk Wheel worth a visit, just to fill in an hour or so ????

That actually sounds terrifying It apparently doesn’t harm them, though terrifying to witness none the less

Can’t stand the beach, I’d rather go inland and find a nice quiet place by a river

Off to Aviemore on Monday for a week and my Mam has agreed to come with us. She’s hasn’t been out the house since my dad died last year, pure made up

he’ll be fine by then, seen them last year and they were brilliant and it’s a night on the piss. Don’t dare diss Diana though

Tickets purchased for UB40 at the usher hall, try again next year for The Killers and Diana Ross. ELO haven’t rescheduled but have refunded which is pish

Bad Manners at the Odeon in Edinburgh 1982, when they brought out the Gosh it’s...... LP. Centre circle though which was shite compared to the stalls

Does exam results really matter that much, I left with 10 CSEs and look at me now

A wee hair dye and I’d easily pass for 49 3/4s

I’ve drunk more in the first 3 years of my 50s, than i ever did in my 30s and 40s, I’m still peaking

Masala ma man