Dr Koop

Yes, another buttfucking by Celtic will lift our hearts no end.

Okay, so, for eejits like me cup qualification is all about #grim_arithmetic, rotten goal difference and the need for one team to leather another by about four goals. What month is this? April? May?

You're going to love this: we've signed his twin, too.

It's the loss of an easy goal from ham-fisted defending that worries me. Still, second half awaits.

Just for your information, cats and kittens:

It's the sniggering, finger-pointy subtext from the report that irks me. (Professional old git.) Accies 'defended' the deal but there seems to be no evidence of people criticising it. If it's health fears they mean then say so, but recall our leagues have been sponsored by companies behind such delicious tooth-rotting diabetes Type II to the max products as Irn Bru and alcoholic shit like Tenements and Carling.

A fine example of barrel-scraping, silly season pish from BBC Scotland.

Arsequake.

Sounds like a superhero from Victoria State.

'Shot down' and 'Battle of Britain'. I saw what they did there. Repeat please.

Really, if people want a broken society to fix either give post-Brexit UK about 18 months or get their arses to Iraq.

But was it a 'quality' sensational broadside justifying the gaffer's faith in the hitkid who's been linked with a multi-million pound summer swoop by Big Soccer?

Did he admit this or insist upon it?

Still waiting for Frankie Flowers on loan?

Insert "My mate ..." into headline. It's summer silly season!

'Football' journalism is written by people who can't write properly for people who can't read properly about a game that isn't played properly, to paraphrase some 1960s genius who might be Frank Zappa. Every now and again I'll come across aspiring journalists who want to be 'football writers'. That depresses me. I'd much rather they were good all-round writers who knew a bit and who could turn to sport. Old Firm fanboy garbage drives me up the wall. How many of these guys really want to 'journalise' instead of peddling PR and press conference guff? Rant over.

The 'have' irks me. It implies Aberdeen has/have some control over a decision made by Motherwell. The best examples are when convicted criminals 'have' their prison sentences extended on an appeal against 'having' their prison sentences extended. Anyhoo. Rant over. I'm off to find something else to moan about.

Jetting in?

What a construction. Is BBC Scotland's sports gossip column compiled by a six-year old? Food is fresh. Paint is fresh. Bids are not. The Dons didn't 'have' their bid rejected; Motherwell rejected the bid. Fucking hell. National broadcaster.

‘Nothing to do with the parade.’ So, let me get this right - someone who had nothing to do with a parade of Protestant Christian supremacists marking (let’s not say celebrating) a battle (violence) against a Catholic monarch just happened to allegedly assault a priest on the route of that parade? Oh god. What a coincidence. Buy a lottery ticket now.

One for the cricket fans: why is ‘Protestant ‘ always abbreviated to ‘Prod’ and not ‘Prot’?

That's what I heard, too. Thing is, you're communicating with Jags fans and we know that 'totally dominating' means f**k all unless that possession is turned into goals.

BBC is reporting that Feesh has gone on loan to Motherwell.

Two point five mil and allowing Archie to find a striker? What madness.