WeAreElgin

Trying to light a fag in this weather is a nightmare.

Dicksons of inverness waited until I was in a taxi heading back up there to phone and tell me my car had failed an mot. p***ks. Now I've got to sit in a shitey co-op cafe, after waiting around inverness for 3 hours, for at least another hour. Thankfully the problem was covered under warranty, stopped the woman in her tracks when she wanted me to pay another £150 on top of the cost of the mot and service.

There's nothing quite like them. I'll come home for my lunch on occasion to find my partner's invited half the town's full time mummy congregation for a coffee. Fairly seething at giving them my good coffee.

Have to? f**k that, just break them,

After our near miss recently I seriously suggest to anyone that's expecting a child to get their missus tested for group b strep, despite any midwife reluctance. It's not particularly well documented but its a nasty c**t of a thing. Our wee one apparently picked up an infection that would've led to meningitis because of it. An absolute nightmare of a few days but thankfully we got her seen to quick enough and she's on the mend.

Can I just ask what bookmakers this has happened with?

Highland league/juniors betting is restricted to £50, other than that there's not a market that's limited to that extent. X factor maybe? Are you betting on the X factor? What do you even consider to be a decent sized bet?

Highland league/juniors betting is restricted to £50, other than that there's not a market that's limited to that extent. X factor maybe? Are you betting on the X factor? What do you even consider to be a decent sized bet?

^ eh? Why would you not get a £50 bet on a horse?

I forgot that homeless people across the globe eat like kings on behalf of the state. I blame the Muslims for cancelling Christmas

Everything north of inverness is worthy of this to be fair. Dingwall having a football club in the spl is hilarious considering the town itself.

One thing I've never gotten my head around is the people willing to put ridiculous sums into the slots games. The house win margin on these games are considerably higher than anything else on the machines. Trying your hand with a tenner isn't perhaps so bad but putting hundreds in to chase an unlikely jackpot? Nah. No wonder there's so many to choose from.

My car keys are knackered and thanks to nissan's wonderful safety feature this morning I had to prise apart the door handle just to unlock it. Then it's a case of ripping apart the starting mechanism just to put the key in. Not great at half 6 in the morning.

Honours in being a full time legend at the school of hard knocks?

I live next door to a partially deaf couple that like to kick f**k out of each other when drunk, leave their dogs outside all day to bark at every single sign of movement. They also like to get up at 5.30am and watch tv; of course being hard of hearing means that it is as loud as possible. Could be worse!

What are you basin that on?

They make you go to an interview for an hnc? What's that all about?

Alness, without a shadow of a doubt is the worst place I've ever been to. Invergordon and wick don't come close. I'm pretty sure Alness' elite go on holiday to Dingwall and view it as a paradise.

Wine, strawberries and honey for breakfast? Knew I should've gone to the university of life to train to be a full time mummy.

When it's pishing rain you look like a bit of a tit walking round with an ice cream, though.

Not sure but the jacket is bad enough.

Up the Linlithgow rose. Did you think that was a Celtic fan?

I'm not entirely sure my status last night went down too well, 'I like it up the dinger'

Study at the university of life

Has anyone ever actually said that you in a fast food place?