WeAreElgin

Asda in Tain sells it!

At least you retain the ability to have sex with a chicken bake unlike poor Howard up there

Female, has to be.

Right, so now Celtic are out of the Scottish cup, rangers have it in the bag right? Right?

A plumber came out to look at our knackered toilet this morning, at around 9.30. I went for my shit and shower at 9.25, not bothering to open the window as I wasn't expecting him until this afternoon. Lets just say that my arse has been fucking stinking over the past few days as I've been feeling a bit unwell. He looked absolutely disgusted as he came back down the stairs, a combination of me shagging his wife on his bed and wiping my cock on his favourite boiler suit. I'm certain if he met me in the street he'd kick f**k out of me. I couldn't look him in the eye. I'm sorry, pal.

Pepo pig?

Andros townsend's comment is superb

She looks like she'd appreciate the company

Clearly that afternoon nap was worth it, useful to weed out the finely tuned athletes able to last a full 90 minutes on a cabbage patch against some backward banjo playing postmen Was the official statement from ibrox tonight.

If he is your flatmate, are you his dad?

Job security at rangers! Who would've thought it.

All those away games in airdrie left them skint?

When I was looking for a new car in the summer I had a quick squint at one of the Arnold Clark garages in inverness (no idea which one) and received very little in the way of service from a salesman who told me he'd do me a good price compared to the £5,000 quoted in the window. After he'd spent some time speaking to his bosses I'd get it at a steal of only £5,300! His words were that "free road tax was a thing of the past" so adding £300 was totally justifiable. I went to dicksons instead and their after-care service has been pretty outstanding, although as others have said they were waiting for me to make the move with regards to getting any problems sorted. Come mot and service time I had them change my batteries in the key fobs which had been dodgy since I'd gotten the car at no cost, and they also uncovered a snapped rear coil while mot'ing. Fixed in an hour, covered under warranty and they even fixed my knackered radio. Surprisingly nice people at dicksons.

They're a cheap imitation of the real thing. My work sent us a box full of chocolate for Christmas, mainly containing those. Possibly an indication that they don't like us very much.

You're an absolute cyclepathI'm embarrassed too

Dundeebarry has ruined billy dodds for me, it's never going to be the same again.

Following on from this, taps with sensors. Having to wave your hands around under a tap is fairly soul destroying

I have to agree with this, he's some boy. Christmas special was shite though.

Wearing a hat that doesn't cover your ears is just stupid, arguably the worst part of winter is having freezing lugs

I've got a chicken curry pie and I'm scared to eat it

P&b in mass outrage shocker

'He fondled my boob'

And yet, your wife/girlfriend can use the same paper, same scissors etc and its the most perfectly symmetrical fucking parcel the world's ever seen. Then follows the usual mocking comment about how your wrapping is pish, leaving you seething in the corner deliberating on how you can improve next year. This is swiftly forgotten about until the same time next year.

That's two blokes right?

Send her my way. Yum yums are the boy