I haven't read all of this thread, but parts of it absolutely astound me. I've felt that I have had some sort of mental issues for a number of years, I can recollect feeling suicidal in my early-mid teens, no "real" reasons for it. I'm one of those that haven't really been to the doctor, or spoken to anyone in any real great detail. Standard cliche that "I'm not a doctor going type" and I'm not, but I realise at some point I need help. My life isn't that bad, and to be honest that makes me feel even worse. Being frank, I feel like an utter c**t wanting to end my life when there are people suffering a hell of a lot worse than me.
I seem to go through cycles of feeling properly low and suicidal, then can be perfectly "OK" for months. But if I'm honest, even when I'm OK, my concentration/focus just isn't what it should be. I tend not to enjoy things that I used to, or get bored of them really quick when I find something I enjoy.At the begining of the year I split up with my girlfriend of seven years and I'm finding it really tough to get back out there. Not in the sense of girls, just out with people. I had kind of closed off most of my friendships and don't really want my old friends back, but I'm struggling to get myself out and around people. I manage a decent amount of banter with people at work, even get myself along to some nights out but pushing beyond that is really hard.
I am trying to develop myself, setting myself goals, weight loss being a biggie as well as learning new things(work and non work related) it seems to help. However, when I hit an obstacle, no matter how small, it appears as a giant mountain and I really struggle. I'd also like to join a class, not sure what, don't think it really matters, but it will take a lot of bucking up! I can't even get myself to hand in forms to join up to a new doctors surgery!
Anyway, blabbed enough for now, cheers.