Hillonearth

She's got a bit of the Dee Sniders about her.

We have them too, if everyone's required to listen to the latest shite idea. If there's just a few invited, the latest buzzword is "cabal". Makes my heart pump piss sometimes.

I've got tattoos myself, so I'm in no position to judge, but one I've never understood is people who get one in a foreign language which is inevitably misquoted and misspelled. Chinese is a minefield for that - remember talking to a Chinese girl who had been chatted up by a Scottish guy who proceeded to show her the ink he'd got in Hong Kong while travelling. He told her it signified strength or courage or something along these lines. What it signified was the Chinese version of bawbag.

Always think it's great that if any Scot grows enough facial hair, it'll eventually turn ginger - even the peroxide wannabe Lord Flashheart in the middle's 'tache is showing fantapants tendencies.

Reminds me of this - Bill Watterson had it sussed way back in the early 90s:

"Fostering a culture of continuous improvement" Seems to mean cutting shit from where I'm standing.

I just imagined the Roy in that story as this Roy for some reason.

Except when there's a full moon obviously...

It looks like the kind of thing that the old Victor Morris shop in Argyle St used to sell - I used to go in there for guitar strings and picks occasionally if I was passing, and on the way in a couple of times got asked by a lurking wee scrote if I'd buy some medieval torture instrument on their behalf. Can just picture how that transaction would go: "Gimme a couple of packs of Ernie Ball 9s, half a dozen Dunlop 88s. Oh aye, I nearly forgot - could I have a set of brass knuckles with a big f**k-off spike sticking out the middle as well?"

Sooooo, Ms Kukacova - what attracted you to this millionaire jewellery dealer?

Standard disclosure no, but some government-related jobs - armed forces or police for instance - understandably dig a bit deeper.

It's like an unearthly combination of creepy scoutmaster and slightly camp nazi...

My missus isn't normally prone to this sort of thing but came out with a belter yesterday. She asked me if I'd heard Mickey Rooney was dead and wondered what the cause was. When I said I reckoned I guessed it was just old age, her reply was: "He couldn't have been that old - he was only in The Wrestler a few years ago..."

I love the insignia he's obviously bought along with some postcards at a petrol station up north.

Might be next for purge - we already clapping ourselves!

'Another great idea, big man...keep 'em coming, you're on fire..."

Were they Austin Maxi pads?

Is it The Man In the High Castle by Philip K. Dick?

Remember my missus telling me about the morning her kid sister came down to breakfast and proceeded to tell the whole family in great detail about the weird dream she’d just had about her being with some boy band (Busted maybe? - it was a good few years ago) on a big train which kept on going into tunnels. She apparently got progressively angrier and eventually stormed out when everybody started gutting themselves laughing, and nobody would tell her why…

You can't deny the guy's integrity - he was like night and day compared to the interchangeable used car salesmen that infest politics today, but his refusal to compromise did more harm than good and probably ended up contributing to the length of time of Th*****r was allowed in power.

Reading that I think you could improve things immeasurably by finding a new best mate for starters.

Must have been like painting the Forth Bridge - by the time you got to the end, the bit you started at would need another coat.

Anytime I pass Garfunkels in Glasgow the window tables are always occupied by couples glowering at each other across their food. I always get the impression he wanted to go for a curry, she wanted Italian, and they've ended up there after an argument. Been hearing the Glasgow Hard Rock Cafe is taking its time to find its feet, with long waiting times and a big turnover of staff. Once it's established, the HRC food will be good though. Cafe Andaluz was good, but a lot of stuff seemed to have dropped off the menu the last time we were there. Currently liking the weird & wonderful burgers at Ketchup.

She's certainly packing a couple of hostile projectiles here -

She could strangle my wee man anytime she liked.