Mark Connolly

"Boy finds out he has cancer, uses girl dumping him ages ago as an excuse" isn't as intriguing.

I know there's a difference - that's why I deliberately mentioned defenders deliberately pulling shirts and deliberately kicking opponents to stop them breaking away. These players never seem to incur the wrath of the cheat police though - why is that?

I suspect your mate's response was along the lines of "Maybe it was the other guy who was following and stalking her?"

Are only attackers cheats? How come Suarez is a cheat because he handled the ball and scored a goal, and he and others are cheats because they dive, but defenders who pull shirts and boot attackers on halfway to stop them breaking are committing "professional" fouls?

I'm also wondering what breaks he slammed on?

Feed full of complaints about how busy the gym is in January because of all the people with New Year resolutions "who will disappear in 2 weeks" Usually posted every January by the same people - you know what's coming, don't f*cking go to the gym in the first 2 weeks of January

If only you had read the page before your post, or could take a joke....

Not recently anyway....

Romania Legend Gheorghe Hedge

Have you looked at most of the other ones?

Add in "looking a bit leggy" for someone who is tired. If he "didn't have the legs" to catch something, surely being leggy would be beneficial?

Sammy and Shola - the Amoeba brothers

Of course. What else would he be doing?

Kilmarnock legend and erstwhile P&B regular Freddie Daeintheloo ETA: helps if you attach the picture eh?

Was trying to think of one for him too!

John Bishop. Professional Scouser, perennial twat.

Luis Swears

Reasons to be cheerful etc

The fact that every second advert is asking me to sponsor a forgotten child in Burma, or adopt a polar bear. And why is it that I can get 4 Burmese kids for the price of a polar bear?

Location: Renfrew, Team: Queen of the South. Questions answered. Unless you were being rhetorical http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V8qK22gGkQ

He's a PHD student . And he only drinks IPA, but does eat meat. I managed to refrain from calling him a c*nt when I met him - next time I will eat a Kit-Kat in front of him and insult him after every finger.

My mate's new boyfriend is a "socialist atheist" who is taking a stand against businesses such as Apple and Nestle. She got an iPad Mini from her mum and a Nespresso coffee machine from her brother for Xmas. This could be the most enjoyable few weeks ever.

Can't be entirely sure, but I'd hazard a guess that the DWP supports her.

Would probably buy Bells with that level of subliminal advertising TBH. I have spent the day trying to discover how many times CityLink can lie to me about the delivery that was due to come today. Tracking the shipment online - 7.56am goods arrived at depot ready for delivery. No further update until 2.17 when it suddenly said "Delivery unsuccessful and goods returned to depot". Cue raging phone call since there was no calling card and no sign of a van at any stage. Girl on phone says that the website update was incorrect, and actually the order was delayed 24 hours because the place I ordered from had sent it to them a day too late, and I should phone them to complain. So I did. Company said they had passed the goods to Citylink on the 15th, and checked their end of the delivery, to find that it had entered the CityLink system on the 15th and been sent to the Glasgow depot last night, arriving this morning for delivery today. Phoned CityLink back armed with this info, buck passed to a "manager" who would "phone me back". Still waiting. Due an amazon delivery before 1 tomorrow - checked the courier...guess who