BFTD

Took two men in the Golden Hole...lost for days in the bush...went on a bender...matron! <kennethwilliams.jpg>

Noble, Jupitus, Toksvig, Perkins...not a lot of QI fans on the board, I take it. Leave wee Sandi alone - she was my first crush as a four-year-old

Tell her they're repelled by the smell of semen. There's bound to be a website to back that up.

The plug-ins do f**k all that repels spiders so, if they've disappeared from your house of late, the only explanation is that she's eating them. Also, conkers are well known props in satanic rituals, so I'd be pretty worried if I were you.

Hiding-in-plain-sight-type post IMO.

Something like this, perhaps? Phwoar.

God, I'd no idea that computers were so sexy. I really didn't take advantage of my time as a technician.

I believe that P&B's antidepressant of choice is alcohol. Or the BRALT, but only at certain times. I understand November is currently scheduled for maximum effect. You'll feel better soon, don't worry *strokes hair*

Which would make you my...uncle?

Enter The Void - an American drug dealer living in Tokyo experiences aspects of the Tibetan Book of the Dead after a drug deal goes wrong. This is definitely a cinema film, and I kinda wish I'd seen it in that environment, as it would certainly work better as a sensory experience. Forget about narrative, because there's very little and what's there is poor and obvious. This is all about the neon backdrop of Tokyo and the inventive drug hallucinations, which brought to mind Ken Russell's Altered States. That said, the film is almost three hours long, and is interminably dull when viewed on a small screen. Ghost Rider - a young motorcycle stuntman is tricked into selling his soul to the Devil in exchange for becoming his supernatural problem-solver. I can't stand Nicolas Cage, so I avoided the hell out of this, but it has a great deal of comic value for the patented 'Cage Hysterical Freakout' scenes that litter the running time. I like to think that these are just shots of Cage between takes, just being himself. Sam Elliott's presence amusingly highlights Cage's lack of charisma, while excellent PG use is made of Eva Mendes' assets. The film itself is fluff, but is made more entertaining by the silliness of the plot, so it definitely qualifies for a bad movie night. Shockingly bad CG too.

My granny came from over by Aberfoyle and, to my knowledge, never set foot in Clackmannanshire. For some reason, she used to call me Tullibody when I was a young hatchling. I never knew that Tullibody existed until I randomly ended up driving through the place as an eighteen year old. Luckily I wasn't driving when I saw the "you are entering..." sign, as my mind was blown Sadly, my gran was long dead by then. So many questions.

^^^ yet to hear that he's never seeing his hole again

Didnae wash her hands either, the clarty hoor. Stop searching for Jamaican twerking videos, Throbs. By which I mean, keep searching and post links in the night shift

Genuinely didn't realise how sexual that laptop stuff would read Anyone else still use 8" floppies?

Dougie pumped your maw on the couch you still use? Bound to be worth a bit to DD (or, indeed, Mozza) worshippers as an artifact. Although it'll go for a bomb when the great man dies and the inevitable cloning attempts occur.

"That's not the way your father did it" http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-29494641

Apparently Michaela Strachan has had a double mastectomy. Because of cancer, not some strange lifestyle choice. The embittered tragedy typing doesn't give a shit, but there's still a wee boy inside somewhere who'd like to give her a cuddle

The wife's laptop has started making the 'bing-bong' device connection noise whenever I touch one of the USB ports. Just now, it started the 'loading drivers' pop-up above the notification area, so I kept my finger in place. Apparently I am an Unknown Device

FTFY. Who uses cash any more anyways?

I've never been particularly fond of our couch; the armrests aren't terribly comfortable and it didn't take long for the seat cushions to give up the ghost under my excessive weight. It'll still be a sad day when it goes, as some of the happiest times of my life have been spent lying on it. Because the wean used to fall asleep on me while Soccer Saturday was on, you pervs

Does Ewan get his knob out in that one? Saw Young Adam in the cinema, and it was the best communal movie experience I've ever had. The audience were pishing themselves by the end, as practically every time a female character appeared you knew that Ewan's knob wasn't far from making an appearance

+1 to the Watchmen love, although it'll always be the film that I once terrified my wife with when she was paralysed in hospital, hallucinating (unbeknown to me) and unable to communicate

Really? Nobody has any half-remembered films that they'd like help with? These kind of threads normally go down a storm I may have discovered #2: Przesluchanie/Interrogation. Will rent and report back.

Fantastic Four - a team of hot, young, sexy scientists (and Michael Chiklis) travel to space in order to do hot, sexy things. When a CG storm hits, they all go wibbly in different, CG-tacular ways. Jeez-o, what happened here? This manages the feat of doing the traditional superhero backstory-with-not-a-lot-else-happening movie while simultaneously feeling like the plot is being desperately rushed, with everything happening very fast and people pulling explanations out of their asses at the speed of light. A bigger problem, however, is the horribly misjudged tone, which has more in common with Superman 2 than any of the other Marvel movies, with slapstick and wisecracking galore. It's OK for a mindless way to kill a couple of hours, but no surprise that Marvel have a reboot planned for next year.

Alive - a condemned killer survives his death sentence, and is given the opportunity to be a guinea pig for a shadowy government organisation and a mysterious, supernaturally talented girl they have confined. Well, this was interminable. The first hour is essentially just our hero trapped in a cell with his backstory flashbacks and a moronic fruitcake, before things get a little bit Matrix/Kill Bill for a few minutes later on. Unfortunately, it goes back to being diabolically ponderous immediately afterwards. The whole thing is visually gloomy, presumably to hide the cheap sets, one of which looks like a big bunch of scaffolding. There's also a bit of the annoying Japanese cheesy-sound-effect-and-zoom thing that turns up in some of their films (Flower of Flesh & Blood springs to mind), but thankfully not too often as there's hardly any action. Pretty poor stuff in all, despite a final showdown with what could best be described as The Incredible Hulk on heroin. Edit 'cause I can't type these days.