I've been suffering from depression again recently. I am 24 years old and feel alone most of the time even when I'm with other people.
I have a low paid job but not a career or any savings to speak of, and I still live with my parents. Everyone I know my own age goes travelling abroad and stuff and I've done none of these.
I have a girlfriend but tbh I'm terrible company and I make her feel miserable. She's a lovely girl but she would be better off without me.
I have considered taking my own life and have attempted to do so in the past but last time I tried I realised how many people I'd hurt if I did. Fortunately my desire to not inflict pain on them is currently stronger than my desire to end everything.
I have a university interview soon and should be looking forward to this but I'm not really sure what I want from life. I've tried doing the things I thought I wanted to do but they have all turned out to not be for me.
I also suffer from anxiety and hate social occasions and busy places like trains, going shopping etc. I feel self conscious and awkward.
I have been on escitalopram and received CBT in the past and these helped to an extent but it was only temporary.