Cosmic Joe

Why is the dirty get Liam Scullion still playing? Shouldn't he be serving a suspension for gobbing on opposition fans?

Clyde fans are not on the same planet.

Aye...

An easy one

The polis could never behave themselves

Same stuff applies. Mostly the present stuff. Ignore the sponsors stuff. Enjoy the day!

That would also suffice to be honest. I'm not sure there is an unsafe way though.

I think the First Communion would be the time for a token gift. Even a card would suffice

Sorry, forgot to add, the individuals will come forward with their sponsors. The congregation will be asked to declare their faith. It will be a simple "I do" response to the Priest. Again optional. You won't get stared at if you don't respond. Nobody will notice. Most in attendance will be mumbling, you will be in the company of non- adherents.

Mass is not that different from a COS gig. You stand up to pray, kneeling is optional when it comes to pre-Communion. There is no obligation when it comes to Communion but you can place your arms in a kind of St Andrew's cross across your chest if you wish to receive a blessing from the Priest. The Our Father stops slightly shorter, you wish the guys' around you peace when prompted just after the Our Father. Hopefully (pretty sure) you will be made welcome. Most of the Catholic family in attendance will probably be equally at sea. Catholic non attendance at Mass is almost as rife as their Presbyterian neebors.

Do you think Sunak realises that a significant percentage of the cretins that voted for Johnson won't vote for him because of one reason?

Stephen Jardine on Radio Scotland gradually losing the ability to pronounce the letter "r".

What happens to the goat?

Palestine have grabbed a fifth

Israel drawing 0-0 at home to Iceland. I strongly suspect that Israel really are playing at home.

Palestine currently beating Bangladesh 4-0 in a World Cup qualifier. At home.

The suburbs of Lumphinnans

Just outside Kelty?

Best one ever was from one of my Polish friends back in the day. "The production of pate for our Russian comrades"

Do they still do the 11 plus in England?

That and the fucking golf

The unflushable jobby

Apart from Rangers getting beat Plucking nasal hairs